Remember when the big question was are you a Stones fan or a Beatles fan? At the time, the two were mutually exclusive. You had to pick a camp. Adorable mop-top or Satan's henchmen.
What about the Clarence Thomas hearings? Were you wearing an I Believe Anita shirt?
Today's pressing question: Heather or Paul?
Right now I'm hearing overwhelming support for Paul. I have to admit some of these allegations are pretty laughable. I've had better fights with Mr. Right over living room furniture. Or where to have lunch.
10.1 The petitioner has been physically violent towards the respondent.
Not to be tolerated. If true, Heather should have left long ago. Point: Heather
10.2 The petitioner has behaved in a vindictive, punitive manner towards the respondent, on occasion thereby exposing her to risk.
Um, excuse me, they were married... (note to self: don't let Al know this is grounds for divorce lest he file against me) Point: Paul
10.3 In breach of his promises to the respondent made when she agreed to marry him, the petitioner continued to use illegal drugs, and to consume alcohol to excess, throughout the marriage, thereby causing the respondent distress.
Oh, come on!!! Nobody's that naive. Point: Paul
11.2 On one occasion in Los Angeles in or about the end of October or beginning of November 2002, in the presence of others, the petitioner (who was drunk) loudly pointed out that the respondent was in a "bad mood." (The respondent was unhappy because hostile comments had been made about her on the Barbara Walters show). When the petitioner and respondent got back to their house they began to argue about the petitioner behaviour towards the respondent. The petitioner grabbed the respondent by the neck and pushed her over a coffee table. He then went outside, and in his drunken state he fell down a hill, cutting his arm (which remains scarred to this day).
Hellooo...Earth to Heather! Like this has never happened to anyone else. Well, like anyone else ever stood to earn about $10K for every hour they were married to the jerk... Point: Paul
11.3 On 12 May 2003 when the petitioner and the respondent were in a hotel in Rome and the respondent was four weeks pregnant, the petitioner behaved coldly and with indifference towards the respondent who was distressed by a derogatory newspaper article about her. An argument ensued between them in the bathroom during which the petitioner became angry and pushed the respondent into the bath. The respondent suffered shock and distress. Notwithstanding this, the petitioner procured the respondent's attendance at his concert that evening by instructing his staff to pester her until she relented.
Please. Point: Paul
11.4 On the same occasion, and following the concert, in a fit of pique because the respondent refused to go to the after-show party and instead dined privately at a restaurant with her sister and her personal female bodyguard, the petitioner directed the female bodyguard to abandon the respondent, leaving her exposed to the attentions of the hordes of fans (500,000 attending a free concert) in Rome at that time. At the end of the meal, the respondent was forced to take a 30-minute walk back to the hotel, no taxi being available and the car driven by the female bodyguard having been withdrawn from her use by the petitioner.
Man, I so hate it when my billionaire spouse leaves me exposed to hordes of fans. Point: Paul
11.5 In Long Island in August 2003 the respondent asked the petitioner if he had been smoking marijuana. He became very angry, yelled at her, grabbed her neck and started choking her.
I recall an interview with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith where he said Paul smoked too much pot. When one of the Toxic Twins thinks you have issues...
So what part of this did she not suspect going into the marriage? Was the fact that Woody Harrelson was best man and Willie Nelson the wedding singer a tip-off? Point: Paul
11.17 The respondent was delivered of her daughter by Caesarean section and was very tired after the birth. Despite this, the petitioner forced her to accompany him everywhere having no regard to her emotional or physical (and especially, her disability) needs. Indeed in this connection some two and a half years later (22 April 2006), shortly after the respondent's revision amputation surgery, she was forced to crawl on her hands and knees up aeroplane steps because they were not wide enough to take her wheelchair. The petitioner had assured the respondent that he had taken care of her disability needs in connection with thee trip (which he compelled her to take with him), but in fact he had not troubled to do so.
A really wealthy British rock star being arrogant and unfeeling? Naw. Point: Paul
11.18 The petitioner often told the respondent when she was pregnant that he did not want her to breast-feed their child, making on occasion the comment "they are my breasts" and on another occasion, "I don't want a mouthful of breast milk." Notwithstanding this, the respondent did breast-feed Beatrice until, after six weeks, the petitioner's constant interrupting of her when breast-feeding (often in the presence of a midwife) had become so intolerable to her that she gave up. This made her feel very miserable and demoralised.
Heather: Two Points (I want to hear the midwife testamony however, as the whole vegan health thing Paul is noted for would not square with bottle feeding a baby.)
11.19 On 19 November 2005, the petitioner required the respondent to defer an essential and once-cancelled operation on her leg for two months because it would have interfered with his holiday plans.
Hey, smoking pot is an important holiday tradition. Point: Paul
11.20 The respondent was expected to prepare two dinners every night, one for the child of the family and one for the petitioner. The petitioner did not like the respondent to be assisted in the preparation of his meals, despite her disability. Even when the respondent had a broken pelvic plate in December 2003 the petitioner insisted that she cook for him while she was on crutches, could barely move and was in agony.
I'm healthy and literate and won't open a cookbook. Well, for billions.... Point: Paul
11.21 The petitioner refused to allow the respondent to get out of bed before he was ready to get up in the morning even though she would wake up early and wished to use the time for essential physiotherapy for her leg and to attend to emails and administrative tasks before the staff arrived or their child woke up.
So what time did he get up, noon? Tie.
11.24 The respondent often needs to go to the bathroom during the night, when he prosthetic limb is not fitted and so has to crawl to the bathroom on her hands and knees. This causes calluses and scrapes on her knees. She asked the petitioner if she could buy an antique bedpan to keep under the bed and use at night if necessary (whilst he was asleep) so as to avoid her having to struggle. The petitioner objected vociferously, saying that it would be like being in "an old woman's home."
OK, so wouldn't a walker or wheelchair be useful here? Point: Paul
11.25 Throughout the marriage, the petitioner refused to allow the respondent to use his beautiful spare office in New York, on the floor beneath their apartment, in a building owned by the petitioner; he told her that he did not want her to have an office in the same building. This was notwithstanding that she wanted to work on charity matters during Beatrice's two-hour nap and also be near to Beatrice in case she woke up. Using the office in the apartment block would also have meant that the respondent could have created a creche area in part of the office for Beatrice to play in for part of the time. The respondent could not understand the petitioner's refusal as he allowed his staff to work in the spare office if necessary, but he remained firm in his view. At the end of September or the beginning of October 2005, the petitioner reluctantly agreed to provide he with alternative office space in the city but in the even insisted that she sue and office that was far too small for any sensible purpose and was 20 minutes' walk away, which meant the respondent would have to leave Beatrice behind during her nap. When the respondent went to view it, she was chased by paparazzi, and was so demoralised by the experience she never used the office. The petitioner called her "an ungrateful bitch" in front of their driver when she explained why the office was not right for her. The petitioner made his position known in front of other people, including staff, which caused the respondent to feel insignificant and humiliated.
Gasp! Point: Paul
11.26 The petitioner promised the respondent that he would protect her and support her in relation to adverse press reports but has failed to do so on numerous occasions, when he has been in a position to do so. In mid-November 2004 the respondent was warned that a forthcoming article about her was to appear in the Sunday Times magazine and included the line "the best thing that ever happened to Heather Mills McCartney was losing her leg" which was distressing and vulgar press commentary. As the petitioner had been asked to participate in the half-time entertainment for the Superbowl on Fox TV owned by Rupert Murdoch (who also owns the Sunday Times), the respondent asked the petitioner to tell Mr Murdoch that he would not confirm his participation in the Superbowl unless he agreed not to run the deeply unpleasant story. However, the petitioner refused to assist the respondent in this way, announced his involvement in the Superbowl and therefore the Sunday Times had no reason not to publish the story.
Whaaaa! Boo Hoo! Nobody likes me! Point: Paul
11.27 The difficulties in the marriage came to a head at the end of April 2006 On Tuesday 25 April 2006, following an operation on the respondent's amputated leg, an argument occurred during which the petitioner poured the balance of a bottle of red wine over the respondent's head and then threw what remained in his wine glass at the respondent. The petitioner then reached to grab the respondent's wine glass, and broke the bowl of the glass from the stem. He then lunged at the respondent with the broken, sharp stem of the wine glass, which cut and pierced the respondent's arm just below the elbow, and it began to bleed profusely. He proceeded to manhandle the respondent, flung her into her wheelchair and wheeled it outside, screaming at her to apologise for "winding him up." The respondent still bears the scar of the assault.
Point: Heather. But why didn't she hit him over the head with her fake leg?
11.28 On Wednesday 26 April 2006, at about 8pm, the respondent asked the petitioner not to leave her alone with Beatrice at the Cabin (because it is isolated in the middle of a forest). She had just had surgery on her leg (a revision amputation), was in a wheelchair, and was anxious about her ability to cope by herself. Notwithstanding this, he walked off. The respondent then telephoned the petitioner, and asked him to return. The petitioner mocked her please, mimicking the voice of a nagging spouse, and refused to return. (Later, she alleges, she) pulled him, staggering, towards the ground-floor bathroom, undressed him, ran the bath and helped him into it. She then phoned the petitioner's psychiatrist for advice and he told her not to attempt to move him (she might otherwise "do herself an injury"), to get a duvet and two pillows, to empty the bath of water, cover him, and leave hi m there. The respondent thereupon dragged herself upstairs, on her hands and knees, she was unable to wear a prosthetic leg as the wound from the surgery had not yet healed), and brought back down the duvet and pillows. She found that the petitioner had vomited on himself. She rinsed him off, and (worried that he might choke if he vomited again in the night, unattended), she got him out of the bath, dried him, and dragged him upstairs to bed. At that time, the respondent also had a broken plate in her pelvis, and she was in agony; she also feared the exertions would cause the stitches from her pelvic scar revision operation to burst.
What a martyr! Leave the guy if he's beating you. Or at least let him choke to death so you get the money. Point: Paul
11.29 On Thursday 27 April 2006 the respondent knew that the petitioner would be too hungover to help her with Beatrice and due to her own incapacity as a result of the recent operation, she had to call the babysitter to ask if she could come to help at 7.45am in getting Beatrice into the car and to the nursery. The respondent went with the babysitter to drop Beatrice at the nursery and collect her later that day. When she returned, the petitioner had woken up and tried to make a joke of the incident the night before. The respondent appeased him, as she reared what would happen otherwise. That evening the petitioner drank very little (a half bottle of wine) and went to bed. The following day, Friday 28 April 2006, the petitioner wen to London but said he would be back in time to help the respondent put Beatrice to bed. He did not arrive back at her bedtime, even though he know the respondent could not cope on her own. The respondent had to ask a friend to help put Beatrice to bed. At 10pm the petitioner returned home staggering drunk and slurring his words, demanding his dinner. The respondent stated that it was on the stove but that she would not be cooking for him again, as he had no respect for her. The petitioner called her "a nag" and went to bed. That evening the respondent realised the marriage had irretrievably broken down and left, crawling on her hands and knees whilst dragging her wheelchair, crutches and basic personal possessions to the car.
He's British, and they don't have a live-in nanny? Point: Paul
Unfortunately, these allegations do not convince me Heather was abused. Some are so silly and flimsy, it seems the gold-digger accusation is spot on. Why add the stupid stuff if the physical violence is true? Can't wait for his kids to cry foul!
Your thoughts?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Wisdom of Willie
Willie Nelson's public statement regarding being caught with a bag of Marijuana earlier this week:"It's a good thing I had a bag of Marijuana. If it had been a bag of spinach, I'd be dead by now."
Price Palace
Totally misleading representation, viewers were not allowed this close to cars
So I get to the car collection and – what’s this? Enter through the gift shop? Now that’s backwards! Oh, I get it. A sign explains that it’s $5 to see the cars or free with gift shop purchase. Can’t beat that. Would have bought something anyway. Er, maybe not. Stuff is really expensive! Settle on the cheapest thing in sight, a $20 Ferrari coffee mug. Really now, wouldn’t I be better off putting that $20 towards a Ferrari F430? Whatever. Ask the salesgirl if it’s dishwasher safe. She doesn’t know, and it is not listed anywhere on the package or cup. Buy it anyway, anticipating that prancing horse turning into a faded, running-down-the-drain nag.
Enter the car corral and am immediately disappointed. As the ad copy on LasVegas.com would suggest, I thought I was seeing rare, one of a kind vehicles of particular collector interest. Oh, and they were roped off behind a walkway to boot.
Located in The Forum Shops at Caesars, Exotic Cars
displays more than 40 vehicles with prices more than $1 million. Extremely rare
and sought after, they draw thousands of people to the two-story,
34,000-square-foot showroom each day. If you want to discover more about any of the cars on display, vehicle specifics can be checked out on several interactive touch screens readily available around the showroom.
Two Story? Try you go up some steps and are now looking down at the cars, further than ever away from them. “Prices more than $1M” kind of made me think each car was worth that. Half the touch screens didn’t work, not every vehicle depicted, need I go on? I’m not even sure if the whole room full is worth a million.
It’s nothing more than a consignment shop. An assortment of exotics were strewn about and all were for sale. Nothing notable about any of them that I could discern. A Porsche, few Ferraris, C2 Corvette, Bentley, Lamborghini. Ho Hum. I took a few photos and left, sorely disappointed. What a rip off. Like most stuff in Vegas.
Went back to the hotel to meet up with the Man With(out) A Plan. Should have shopped for a clue for him while I was out. Wait, is ‘whatever’ a plan?
Hey, what’s this? He arrives back in the room with a beautiful glass beer mug with the conference logo on it! And there’s still some beer in it! Oh, yeah, he explains. There’s wine glasses, too. Go back and get me some! I exclaim. I figure I need about four to make up for the overpriced horsey mug. He tells me this is the best conference ever. They had rockin music, much of it live. The president of Cingular spoke, as did an author of business books and some other industry leaders. Oh, and for the last day, they announced the keynote speaker will be Madeline Albright!!!! Get me into this gig! Apparently the people planning this little soirée have Plans. Not to mention matching Clues. Bet their significant others weren’t nibbling the ‘airplane snacks’ they packed in lieu of real dinners. Never mind. Tomorrow is another day.
Next Post: What do you mean, you didn’t have Photoshop back then?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Lap of Luxory
After checking in, we had lunch at the buffet, one of the better in Vegas. Lots to choose from and items were of better quality than most all-you-can-eat emporiums. Still, you had to be choosy. Some stuff was cheapo. Al headed to his conference, leaving me to explore. Went to the solarium that had topiary on it and enjoyed the fall decorations. Gasped at the prices posted at the restaurants and cafes. Couldn’t even afford water. Having a long afternoon ahead, I wasted no time in exiting the beautiful Bellagio in search of adventure. OK, more like overpriced shopping opportunities. Of which there are no shortages of in that town, that’s for sure.
Made a beeline to Mandalay Bay. If you can call people-movers, covered walkways and monorail shuttles a beeline. Anyhoo, I headed straight for the aquarium and paid my $15.95 to see exotic sea life. Or at least whatever the rich underworld figures who run Las Vegas have grown tired of in their personal salt water tanks.
They took a souvenir photo of me and tried to get me to buy a package, but since I was alone, I was afraid that would just scream LOSER and took a pass. Actually, it was a pretty good photo, too bad. Had I been allowed to pose with an actual sea turtle, I would have bought it in a heartbeat, but all they had were cheesy strip backgrounds or a mock up of the ugliest fake shark ever. Never mind.
Enjoyed the fish, sharks, jellies, water monitor and golden crocodile (it’s a hybrid between two species, a saltwater crock and something else, and it’s truly a beautiful shade of golden yellow, very pretty) among others. I have photos, but they’re too big to post, I’ll have to figure something out.
Best of all were the green sea turtles. It was really funny, listening to the comments of other patrons. One woman exclaimed sea turtles were her favorite. Then I saw a bored male trying to hurry his girlfriend out. She kept saying, wait, there’s the turtle, maybe they’ll come back. He just rolled his eyes in exasperation over her ability to squint into the inky water for minutes on end waiting for a glimpse of flipper. It’s so encouraging to know there are others like me out there. Apparently they’re mostly female as well.
We were rewarded with some happy, active turtles floating merrily along the curved glass. Portions of the “tank” were around a pedestrian walkway that formed a tube through the habitat. A glass floor showed the bottom and an arch formed over the top where fish could go over viewers. One turtle came right to the glass and tried nibbling on the faux coral! So alert. It was really nice to see them enjoying themselves. They had three! I asked a gal about them – specifically, what was their “problem”, as I could not see any missing flippers or ‘bubble butts’ among them. She said there were two males and a female, and they were perfectly fine. Another aquarium could no longer care for them, so they came there. I’m still a little skeptical, I really thought the only way you could have a sea turtle was if it was unfit for life in the wild. To give them the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that they were captured before these types of regulations kicked in and now they are too tame to release. I’ll pretend if you’ll pretend. But can’t get the nagging image of Al Pachino gifting his gun moll with a couple of hatchlings…
Then came my favorite part: Exiting Though the Gift Shop! I swear I’m going to open something, a turtle petting zoo or whatever, just so I can have paying customers exit through the gift shop. Might be a good way to sell off all the stuff I buy at gift shops…
Bought some really important items like key chains, shot glasses, and a little tin of mints embossed with sharks…
Next it was on to the Luxor in search of Egyptian souvenirs. I don’t know how old the Luxor is, but it’s time for a refurbish. I’ve gone there over the last ten years, and it always looks a little worn and empty. I noticed some stores inside had closed down and there was definitely less Egyptian-themed stuff than in the past. Only bought a little candle holder with a camel. Tons of really cool stuff that was way too heavy to carry home. One store was ½ price and I saw some cool shadowbox pictures that they offered to ship very reasonably, but I couldn’t decide which of three I liked best! I took a card and they said I could just call and order over the phone, and I may take them up on it.
Exited through Excalibur. That casino always seemed aimed at little kids for me, and many stores bore this out with child-size suits of armor and play swords, etc. One cool store had dragon items, but nothing so great that I lingered. Met Al back at the hotel, and he said there were evening activities at his conference, so he went to get some free food and entertainment. Left to my own devices once again, I headed over to Caesar’s Palace to see their exotic car collection and shop, shop, shop!
Love the shops at Caesar’s. Never forget the first time I went in there and was awestruck by the ceiling. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a cool idea: a blue sky with fluffy white clouds painted on a very high curved ceiling that is lit from behind to give the impression you are truly outdoors. Hallways create a town square feel with shops down the corridors. Cool ‘statues’ of gods and goddesses fill fountains and decorate the building inside and out. I love Greek mythology and history, so this is paradise to me. Unfortunately the Museum Store that used to be there is gone, so my shopping was seriously cramped. I relied on a few hotel gift shops and chose a little chariot statuette. Oh, maybe not-so-little. Maybe nine inches long by four high: just enough to be impossible to pack. I asked about shipping. I was told by everyone, oh, just ship your purchases home. They downright discouraged it at this gift shop. Oh, it’s expensive, as much as the ($18) item. Use your hotel, I was told. Ok, made sense. As a guest, they would help me. This is a tourist destination. These people want to please their guests. HA! Stay Tuned.
Next Post: Not As Advertised
Made a beeline to Mandalay Bay. If you can call people-movers, covered walkways and monorail shuttles a beeline. Anyhoo, I headed straight for the aquarium and paid my $15.95 to see exotic sea life. Or at least whatever the rich underworld figures who run Las Vegas have grown tired of in their personal salt water tanks.
They took a souvenir photo of me and tried to get me to buy a package, but since I was alone, I was afraid that would just scream LOSER and took a pass. Actually, it was a pretty good photo, too bad. Had I been allowed to pose with an actual sea turtle, I would have bought it in a heartbeat, but all they had were cheesy strip backgrounds or a mock up of the ugliest fake shark ever. Never mind.
Enjoyed the fish, sharks, jellies, water monitor and golden crocodile (it’s a hybrid between two species, a saltwater crock and something else, and it’s truly a beautiful shade of golden yellow, very pretty) among others. I have photos, but they’re too big to post, I’ll have to figure something out.
Best of all were the green sea turtles. It was really funny, listening to the comments of other patrons. One woman exclaimed sea turtles were her favorite. Then I saw a bored male trying to hurry his girlfriend out. She kept saying, wait, there’s the turtle, maybe they’ll come back. He just rolled his eyes in exasperation over her ability to squint into the inky water for minutes on end waiting for a glimpse of flipper. It’s so encouraging to know there are others like me out there. Apparently they’re mostly female as well.
We were rewarded with some happy, active turtles floating merrily along the curved glass. Portions of the “tank” were around a pedestrian walkway that formed a tube through the habitat. A glass floor showed the bottom and an arch formed over the top where fish could go over viewers. One turtle came right to the glass and tried nibbling on the faux coral! So alert. It was really nice to see them enjoying themselves. They had three! I asked a gal about them – specifically, what was their “problem”, as I could not see any missing flippers or ‘bubble butts’ among them. She said there were two males and a female, and they were perfectly fine. Another aquarium could no longer care for them, so they came there. I’m still a little skeptical, I really thought the only way you could have a sea turtle was if it was unfit for life in the wild. To give them the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that they were captured before these types of regulations kicked in and now they are too tame to release. I’ll pretend if you’ll pretend. But can’t get the nagging image of Al Pachino gifting his gun moll with a couple of hatchlings…
Then came my favorite part: Exiting Though the Gift Shop! I swear I’m going to open something, a turtle petting zoo or whatever, just so I can have paying customers exit through the gift shop. Might be a good way to sell off all the stuff I buy at gift shops…
Bought some really important items like key chains, shot glasses, and a little tin of mints embossed with sharks…
Next it was on to the Luxor in search of Egyptian souvenirs. I don’t know how old the Luxor is, but it’s time for a refurbish. I’ve gone there over the last ten years, and it always looks a little worn and empty. I noticed some stores inside had closed down and there was definitely less Egyptian-themed stuff than in the past. Only bought a little candle holder with a camel. Tons of really cool stuff that was way too heavy to carry home. One store was ½ price and I saw some cool shadowbox pictures that they offered to ship very reasonably, but I couldn’t decide which of three I liked best! I took a card and they said I could just call and order over the phone, and I may take them up on it.
Exited through Excalibur. That casino always seemed aimed at little kids for me, and many stores bore this out with child-size suits of armor and play swords, etc. One cool store had dragon items, but nothing so great that I lingered. Met Al back at the hotel, and he said there were evening activities at his conference, so he went to get some free food and entertainment. Left to my own devices once again, I headed over to Caesar’s Palace to see their exotic car collection and shop, shop, shop!
Love the shops at Caesar’s. Never forget the first time I went in there and was awestruck by the ceiling. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a cool idea: a blue sky with fluffy white clouds painted on a very high curved ceiling that is lit from behind to give the impression you are truly outdoors. Hallways create a town square feel with shops down the corridors. Cool ‘statues’ of gods and goddesses fill fountains and decorate the building inside and out. I love Greek mythology and history, so this is paradise to me. Unfortunately the Museum Store that used to be there is gone, so my shopping was seriously cramped. I relied on a few hotel gift shops and chose a little chariot statuette. Oh, maybe not-so-little. Maybe nine inches long by four high: just enough to be impossible to pack. I asked about shipping. I was told by everyone, oh, just ship your purchases home. They downright discouraged it at this gift shop. Oh, it’s expensive, as much as the ($18) item. Use your hotel, I was told. Ok, made sense. As a guest, they would help me. This is a tourist destination. These people want to please their guests. HA! Stay Tuned.
Next Post: Not As Advertised
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Exactly 299, 999, 900 Too Many
Hey, You, Get Offa My Continent...And I want to hand-select that last hundred...
I suppose you've heard by now that America's "Population Clock" is nearing the 300 millionth person in our country.
Read all the depressing details here.
"Right now, the formula is one birth per seven seconds, one death per 13 seconds and one net increase in immigrants per 30 seconds. Because the number of deaths has to be subtracted from the number of births, immigration now accounts for about 40 percent of new growth."
Now if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I favor negative population growth, cessation of immigration and a good ol' flu epidemic.
(Yay 1918! Only one-year decline in the 20th Century)
As far as I'm concerned, this planet has been going to hell in a handbasket ever since reptiles seceded control.
Excuse me, I have to crawl into my cave and be depressed now.
Oh, wait! It's been over run by babies, elderly living longer lives, and immigrants.
I am so hitchhiking to Pluto...
Las Vegas, CSI (Have you seen the prices? Criminal!)
Not impressed with Not Enough Indians. Dare I say it? His writing reminds me of my writing! Not quite there yet. Not a novelist, just a few funny ideas. There’s something humorous buried there, but it doesn’t quite hit. As far as a novel, it never quite gels. There are plenty of quirky small town characters ala Garrison Kellior, yet they are not touching, endearing, or even annoying enough. He gives great thumbnails of ‘type’, but there is no bildungsroman. I don’t really see anyone fleshed out, growing or changing in the course of the book. He has this funny premise of small town growth and greed, two topics that are way too close to home for my comfort, yet I never really care about any of the characters. Good first effort, but without the celebrity name, would this have been published? More likely an editor have said nice first try, be sure to send us your third.
So we landed in Vegas and began the anxious wait at the luggage carousel. Al grabbed a black bag off the belt and I had to say, “No honey, that’s quality luggage. Put that back. Ours are from Cheap-Mart.” Thankfully, all arrived intact. Amazingly Al told the cab driver precisely which hotel to take us to… I asked if he’s spontaneously recalled the name, but he admits to one of his coworkers coming through with a phone call. Saved by a geek.
We stayed across the street from the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, and checked in around nine p.m. We were assigned a room at the furthest building of the complex, number 28. It was a three block hike from the check in desk, and I started to wonder why Al was too cheap to get us help with our bags. Then I started to suspect someone replaced my clothes and three pairs of shoes (four is on my feet, the Keds) with lead ingots. After passing three swimming pools and an outdoor nighttime wedding, I slouched over my bags in order to gear up for the big flight of cement steps to our second-floor suite. Not much of a suite; small, reasonably clean, not very flashy or updated. This place might have been something, oh, say 25 years ago. I pondered why some of the lights don’t work. Al pointed out they lacked light bulbs. What dimwatt took the light bulbs? At least there was a fridge, ironing board and iron. More towels would have been nice. Oh well. Not someplace I would recommend.
We had dinner across the street at the Pink Taco where we were introduced to the Las Vegas standard of “the $8.50 Margarita”. Nice to know I’m too poor to get drunk in this town. Also too poor to gambol anyplace nice – the table limits on the nicer casinos were quite high. Not having $10 bucks or more per spin of the roulette wheel, I never did play the whole trip. I’m kind of disappointed in retrospect.
Quickly realized the hotel room was directly under “Runway 2” as I nodded off to sleep.
The next day was spent by the pool while Al attended his software conference. The cheapos couldn’t even heat the pools in our hotel, so it mostly consisted of sunning. I wrote a nice post for my blog, but they wanted $5 additional to use the internet there, so we figured we’d wait until our third night when we would move over to the Bellagio hotel. They must have free wi-fi. Wrong.
After filling out postcards and reading, I was ready to leave when Al returned. We ended up going to check out the Harley Davidson Café where we got some cool T-Shirts. Then we went to Smith and Wollenski’s for dinner. Al seemed uptight about money the whole trip, which is another reason I’ll never travel with him again. So tell me if we can’t afford a trip. Don’t have a cow every ten seconds just because somebody wants $45 for a steak. Tell me (in advance, if at all possible) if we’re on a budget or I have to pay for my own meals, or whatever. I don’t need the passive-aggressive price whining and avoidance, believe me. Anyhoo, I had a great Filet, glass of wine and Crème Brule sampler. (God forbid I should tack a veggie on. So I didn’t. Wise move. Didn’t need one. But damn it, I’m worth a baked potato the size of a football. )
The next morning it was raining pretty hard and I was worried since I hadn’t siliconed my new Keds, but it cleared up by ten and got even nicer out. Everything smelled fresh and it was even warmer and sunnier than before. Got moved over to the Bellagio – now that was a hotel.
Huge swanky lobby bursting with pretension and a cool ‘conservatory’ area of topiary bushes and massive waterwheel fountain. Tons of people in line waiting to check in, it took us quite a bit of time to get squared away, but the staff there was very pleasant and efficient.
The room was almost as big as our first house. A marble bathroom had separate tub and glass-enclosed shower. Lots and lots of fluffy white towels with a big embroidered “B” on them. Had they been “R”s, I would have stuffed a few in my luggage…
Internet usage here was like $10.95 extra a day and we had received even stiffer warnings about the complexities of the mini-bar. Supposedly it could tell by weight if an item had been removed, and there was no fridge for guest use. No coffee maker, either. These people were out to get every penny from a guest possible.
Our room overlooked the massive pool areas of fountains, Jacuzzis and swimming areas. There was a cool wardrobe that hid the TV and contained two separate ‘closet’ areas with cubbyholes for shoes, etc. Very cool!
Next Post: How much for that dinky Latte??
So we landed in Vegas and began the anxious wait at the luggage carousel. Al grabbed a black bag off the belt and I had to say, “No honey, that’s quality luggage. Put that back. Ours are from Cheap-Mart.” Thankfully, all arrived intact. Amazingly Al told the cab driver precisely which hotel to take us to… I asked if he’s spontaneously recalled the name, but he admits to one of his coworkers coming through with a phone call. Saved by a geek.
We stayed across the street from the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, and checked in around nine p.m. We were assigned a room at the furthest building of the complex, number 28. It was a three block hike from the check in desk, and I started to wonder why Al was too cheap to get us help with our bags. Then I started to suspect someone replaced my clothes and three pairs of shoes (four is on my feet, the Keds) with lead ingots. After passing three swimming pools and an outdoor nighttime wedding, I slouched over my bags in order to gear up for the big flight of cement steps to our second-floor suite. Not much of a suite; small, reasonably clean, not very flashy or updated. This place might have been something, oh, say 25 years ago. I pondered why some of the lights don’t work. Al pointed out they lacked light bulbs. What dimwatt took the light bulbs? At least there was a fridge, ironing board and iron. More towels would have been nice. Oh well. Not someplace I would recommend.
We had dinner across the street at the Pink Taco where we were introduced to the Las Vegas standard of “the $8.50 Margarita”. Nice to know I’m too poor to get drunk in this town. Also too poor to gambol anyplace nice – the table limits on the nicer casinos were quite high. Not having $10 bucks or more per spin of the roulette wheel, I never did play the whole trip. I’m kind of disappointed in retrospect.
Quickly realized the hotel room was directly under “Runway 2” as I nodded off to sleep.
The next day was spent by the pool while Al attended his software conference. The cheapos couldn’t even heat the pools in our hotel, so it mostly consisted of sunning. I wrote a nice post for my blog, but they wanted $5 additional to use the internet there, so we figured we’d wait until our third night when we would move over to the Bellagio hotel. They must have free wi-fi. Wrong.
After filling out postcards and reading, I was ready to leave when Al returned. We ended up going to check out the Harley Davidson Café where we got some cool T-Shirts. Then we went to Smith and Wollenski’s for dinner. Al seemed uptight about money the whole trip, which is another reason I’ll never travel with him again. So tell me if we can’t afford a trip. Don’t have a cow every ten seconds just because somebody wants $45 for a steak. Tell me (in advance, if at all possible) if we’re on a budget or I have to pay for my own meals, or whatever. I don’t need the passive-aggressive price whining and avoidance, believe me. Anyhoo, I had a great Filet, glass of wine and Crème Brule sampler. (God forbid I should tack a veggie on. So I didn’t. Wise move. Didn’t need one. But damn it, I’m worth a baked potato the size of a football. )
The next morning it was raining pretty hard and I was worried since I hadn’t siliconed my new Keds, but it cleared up by ten and got even nicer out. Everything smelled fresh and it was even warmer and sunnier than before. Got moved over to the Bellagio – now that was a hotel.
Huge swanky lobby bursting with pretension and a cool ‘conservatory’ area of topiary bushes and massive waterwheel fountain. Tons of people in line waiting to check in, it took us quite a bit of time to get squared away, but the staff there was very pleasant and efficient.
The room was almost as big as our first house. A marble bathroom had separate tub and glass-enclosed shower. Lots and lots of fluffy white towels with a big embroidered “B” on them. Had they been “R”s, I would have stuffed a few in my luggage…
Internet usage here was like $10.95 extra a day and we had received even stiffer warnings about the complexities of the mini-bar. Supposedly it could tell by weight if an item had been removed, and there was no fridge for guest use. No coffee maker, either. These people were out to get every penny from a guest possible.
Our room overlooked the massive pool areas of fountains, Jacuzzis and swimming areas. There was a cool wardrobe that hid the TV and contained two separate ‘closet’ areas with cubbyholes for shoes, etc. Very cool!
Next Post: How much for that dinky Latte??
Monday, October 16, 2006
Words of Wisdom
"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."
Tallulah Bankhead
Left Behind, the Vegas Edition
No, wait, I think it was that one, over there, I think there was a fountain in front of it,
yeah, are there any with fountains?
Yes, I’m back. Back with a resolve: never, ever, not even to the mailbox, will I ever take a trip with Mr. Right again. As in “Right At Home Where I Left It”.
Now I’m no Condoleeza Rice fan, but I can tell you one thing: had the old boy network asked, by sheer dint of her chromosomes, Condi would have had a coherent plan of action formulated for Iraq. A Plan A. A Plan B. An exit strategy. A list with little check marks to help her cross each item off in the proper order. A grand think-through. A "What If".
Not Al. No sooner had we gone two blocks from home did he note his sunglasses were left behind. Hmmm. As we were getting a ride provided by his employer and I didn’t want to miss the plane, I didn’t suggest going back. Then I asked if he brought his MP3 player. You know, the one I bought him and never have used. Might be pleasant to have some tunes on the plane. Or by the pool. Or back home under his pile of unpaid bills where he left it.
But wait! There’s more. Not long after, he asked ME if I recalled what hotel we were staying at. Um, no. You never said. You mentioned it was a suite, but never gave me a name. What do you mean, you didn’t bring that info along? Oh, thought it was on the pile of emails you printed out, but it’s not. Of course. Why get organized the night before and review everything? Naw. This is much more fun. We can just ask the cab driver in Vegas to drive up and down the strip until something sounds familiar. No problem. Was it a hotel with a little lion? Did it look like a pyramid? Eiffel Tower? Stop me when something rings a bell…
Now credit must be given to the astute Kane Citizen, who thinks this was all just a ploy by Al to make sure I never accompany him anywhere again. If so, Al and Kane are welcome to procrastinate fleeing the next Tsunami to their heart’s content, while we gals will go out and harness nuclear fission over the lunch special at Chili’s, thank you very much.
Anyhoo… we got to the airport and enjoyed the delights of speedy self-check in. As you may have guessed, there’s no such thing. Actually, my last trip with Louise to Key West was no problem. This was a nightmare (because of Al’s presence, one can only presume). After much bag toting and being pointedly ignored by bored employees, we were x-rayed and on our way. Got hungry and decided to grab a little something before boarding the plane. MISTAKE! Nothing like spending $4.95 on a bottle of water and the most horrible tasting orange ever. I wanted to ask for my money back (in lieu of lobbing so-called fruit through their glass deli case) but didn’t bother. I had bigger things to worry about. Like how Al was on my cell phone frantically trying to reach someone he works with on a Saturday so they could retrieve his hotel email. Yes, this is the man that spent six months picking a cell phone carrier. The guy who constantly grabs mine because ‘outgoing’ calls cost him. Yep. Even with research, he’s not doing too well.
So we get on the Ted plane (I didn’t book this trip, so don’t blame me for a cut-rate airline with a cutesy name derived from a fraction of the letters of the original carrier that reflects the cut pensions of the disgruntled employees who now have nothing but contempt for me and the bucket of bolts we are riding in…) and settle in. Al and I are in different rows, and that’s just as well. My luck he’ll be in the seat with the emergency exit and somehow accidentally engage it. Don’t want to know.
They announce there’s to be a FREE movie! The Devil Wears Prada! I wanted to see that! Whoo hoo! FREE! I love free! Except for the grimy earphones you are supposed to share with the last three thousand diseased cheapos who fly Ted. Oh, I get it, in-fect-TED… So I get out my little handi-wipe and try and scrub the earphones as best I can. Right when I’m done, the stewardess announces, oops! There was a mix up. Today’s movie is Mission Impossible 3. Grumbling something about how it must have been a MAN who loaded the preflight movie, I stuff the earphones back into the seat pocket. My Harry Shearer book, Not Enough Indians will have to do.
Next Post: If this is a desert, why is it raining so damn hard?
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Coincidence?
Remember back in the day when money was a no-nonsense dull grey-green? It wasn't flashy. It wasn't arty. It just facilitated commerce.
Now our currency has all kinds of colors and looks like suspiciously like Monopoly money.
And it buys as about as much.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Iraq for Sale
Iraq for Sale: The War Profiteers is the story of what happens to everyday
Americans when corporations go to war. Acclaimed director Robert Greenwald
(Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price, Outfoxed, and Uncovered) takes you
inside the lives of soldiers, truck drivers, widows and children who have
been changed forever as a result of corporate greed in the reconstruction of
Iraq. Iraq for Sale uncovers the connections between private security
companies making a killing in Iraq and the decision makers who allow them to
do so.
Please click on this link to buy this movie! We need to get the word out!!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The Price Sure Snunk Up on Me
Just when did Keds get so darn costly????
Am I gettin' old or what?
As I had lamented earlier, I was looking for a comfortable / fashionable shoe. Five shoe stores later I am assured such an item does not exist. Should I invent it, it would be more valuable than a perpetual motion machine. But I digress.
Decided to get some good old plain canvas tennis shoes. No frills. Basic as can be.
Apparently after October first, such a creature does not exist anymore, at least not in my size. Evil-Mart had a few picked over size 10's, but little else. Ended up a Kohl's (hey, does anyone out there have a goofy name for that store? Like calling Target "Tar-zhay" with an affectation? Or Needless Markup for Neiman Marcus?) and tried on some trendy LA somethings and RocketDog shoes. Not comfy at all, but kinda cute. Found Keds. Tried and true. Red White and Blue (wait, let me check that package...Made in China!!!)
Anyhoo, loved the Keds. Of course they didn't have my size in the style (that was 50% off, to boot) I wanted (need to look at other Kohl's, like Louise does - it can be found). Tried some others and fell in love with the leather deck-shoe type model in tan with navy grommets. Snazzy. Very classic. $36.99!!!!!! That's "On Sale"!!!! Who are they kidding????
Ridiculous. Thank God I had a 20% off coupon. But even that didn't cushion the pain as much as their springy insole cushions my foot.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Lord of the Overpriced Housing
Party at Frodo's, dude!
Have you ever wanted everyone in your neighborhood to share your values? Have your unique outlook on life? Enjoy a similar vision of how the houses in the subdivision should look, be maintained or landscaped? Would it somehow make you feel better to live in an outrageously priced town home that is nothing more than a defunct movie set?
Dream no more! Move right in to Shire in Bend, (as in around the bend) OR. This planned (try obsessively engineered) community has been built to resemble Bilbo Baggin's hometown the Shire. Gosh, just what I've always wanted. To live in a hollow tree with the Keebler elves!
According to the Nanaimo Daily News, the development features "faux thatched roofs, medieval signage, fireplaces with Rohan carvings, and irrigation canal dubbed Brandywine Brook, and maintenance sheds built into the hillside to look like hobbit holes."
The houses aren't all that big, but they sure are pricey: $600-$900K. Seems it takes more than middle income to live in Middle Earth...
So far I haven't been able to find out how many units have been sold, but it would be of interest.
I'd love to live in a community of like-minded souls. People who are committed to living with nature, deep in the woods, maintaining their exotic sports cars quietly in their 8-car garages. We could call it Walden Pond With Paved Access or something.
As the cartoon strip Sylvia would say: Which Gender are you? Answer below and find out.
Would you buy a Hobbit House?
A) Like, would Gandolf come and visit?
B) No, but at least it's comforting to know all the geeks are contained in one place.
Read another blogger's take here.
Covenants Enforcer ?
Have you ever wanted everyone in your neighborhood to share your values? Have your unique outlook on life? Enjoy a similar vision of how the houses in the subdivision should look, be maintained or landscaped? Would it somehow make you feel better to live in an outrageously priced town home that is nothing more than a defunct movie set?
Dream no more! Move right in to Shire in Bend, (as in around the bend) OR. This planned (try obsessively engineered) community has been built to resemble Bilbo Baggin's hometown the Shire. Gosh, just what I've always wanted. To live in a hollow tree with the Keebler elves!
According to the Nanaimo Daily News, the development features "faux thatched roofs, medieval signage, fireplaces with Rohan carvings, and irrigation canal dubbed Brandywine Brook, and maintenance sheds built into the hillside to look like hobbit holes."
The houses aren't all that big, but they sure are pricey: $600-$900K. Seems it takes more than middle income to live in Middle Earth...
So far I haven't been able to find out how many units have been sold, but it would be of interest.
I'd love to live in a community of like-minded souls. People who are committed to living with nature, deep in the woods, maintaining their exotic sports cars quietly in their 8-car garages. We could call it Walden Pond With Paved Access or something.
As the cartoon strip Sylvia would say: Which Gender are you? Answer below and find out.
Would you buy a Hobbit House?
A) Like, would Gandolf come and visit?
B) No, but at least it's comforting to know all the geeks are contained in one place.
Read another blogger's take here.
Covenants Enforcer ?
Back-To-School (Shooting) Season
I feel Michael Moore did a great job of raising some excellent questions in his film Bowling for Columbine, and more is needed on the subject.
The Chicago Tribune claims there have been over 400 deaths in school violence incidents in the last twelve years. These events have created heightened security measures in our schools.
Makes me wonder: did Charlie Roberts pick an Amish school precisely because he didn't want to walk through a metal detector or have any teens text-messaging for help?
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Knight to P8
ELISTA, Russia -- The future of the world chess championship was in
question Friday when a player did not show up for the fifth game and threatened
to withdraw from the match after he was accused of cheating and locked out of
his private bathroom.
Vladimir Kramnik, a Russian, was accused by the manager for his opponent,
Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria, of taking too many bathroom breaks -- an apparent
suggestion that he was secretly using a technical device or a computer program
to help him with his moves.
Full story here.
King, Queen, Castle, Throne... makes sense to me.
They should make the loser clean out the bathrooms.
Vegas on Two Pairs (of Shoes) a Day
Yes, I’m still alive. No, I haven’t got a life yet, but not having one sure does seem to keep me busy some days.We’ve sunk into a string of record-breaking cold temperatures, meaning September was even worse than August, if that’s possible. Now comes October first, and it’s gorgeous. Too late for the Vette of course, I cancelled the insurance on that because of the horrible rains and frost. Great. Just great.
Need to bring the turtles in! They certainly must be shivering in their little shells for sure (say that three times fast).
Waxed the Acura today because I just didn’t know if I’d get another chance. If I wasn’t so busy packing, I would have polished it before waxing, but now that will have to wait for spring. If there is a spring.
I see Com Ed is still trying to put some non-existent positive spin on the fact that their rates are about to rise 25%!! Note to self: call Chicago Tribune and ask how much a full-page ad in the first section costs. Then call Chicago Housing Authority and ask how much it costs for a month’s worth of electricity for a small apartment. Then add 25% to that figure. Then divide the first figure by the second to determine how many Grandmothers could have had electricity for a month if that idiot Com Ed president didn’t keep taking out ads to boo-hoo over how they haven’t had a rate hike in years. Hey, here’s a big psychic prediction! House fires will increase by 25% due to homeowners burning candles.
I’m packing for Las Vegas!! Mr. Right (as in Will-Be-Packing-Right-As-The-Car-To-The-Airport-Pulls-In-Our-Drive) has a software convention to attend so I thought I’d tag along! I’m hoping to be able to do some Road Blogs as well! Actually, I love Vegas. I’m not a gambler (Despite marrying Al) but love looking at the incredible architecture, gaudy neon and enjoy the world class shopping! Can’t afford anything at those overpriced designer stores. I’m talking about the hotel gift shops! Where else can you get Egyptian-themed junk, (Luxor) Roman kitsch, (Caesar’s) and Sea Life Stuff (Mandalay Bay) in such proportion! I love it all! Already I’m obsessing about spending too much and how to lug it all home!! Whee! Oh, maybe I’ll bet $20 or so. On some Win A Porsche slot machine. They have lots of gimmicky stuff like cars and motorcycles you can win with a spin.
I’ve already charted all the attractions I want to see: Mandalay Bay’s Aquarium, animals at the Flamingo, the tiger that mauled Roy at the Mirage (he’s not really on display, but how would I know if it was Monty or not? Or they could have had him stuffed so tourists could poke him, or take pictures. Oh, that would be cool, mount him rearing on his back legs swiping a huge paw at onlookers and they could charge $20 for photos where you could stick your head in his mouth…don’t laugh, Vegas is famous for this kind of crap.)
There’s also the Penske Wynn Ferrari Maserati dealership. That’s right, dealership. Except they charge you $10 to get in!!! NOTHING in Vegas is free. And a lot of the food stinks. But I do love playing Keno while waiting for my entrée. I wish they had that here. Keno has horrible odds, but it keeps you busy with the crayon between courses. More dignified than just using the crayon on the place mat like I have to do at IHOP. Anyhoo, you get to look at the cars in this snazzy showroom display and get to EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP!!! The only thing more expensive than looking at these cars will be the T-shirts, mugs, pens, etc. I buy on the way out…but hey, it’s Vegas!
So I spent hours and hours packing. How unlike a man, who minutes before going to a wedding discovers he’s gained weight in the past three years since he last wore his suit and it’s too late to have it altered now….
Also reviewing what’s verboten in the carry-on department. I’ll have to ask Kane Citizen how his experience was. Of equal importance is the selection of vacation reading material. Nothing as weighty as Kane Citizen’s choices, I’m afraid. Speaking of weight, I consciously chose books that were small and light. Sorry Complete Collected Works of Oscar Wilde and Leaves of Grass and The Girls. I’ll have to get to you another time. I think I’ll bring: Not Enough Indians, Harry Shearer; Metro Girl, Janet Evanovich (new author for me!); A Spot of Bother, Mark Haddon; Apex Hides the Hurt, Colson Whitehead; Thunderstruck, Erik Larson. That last one is pretty large, but at least I know Al would like it, so I’m bringing it.
I fling open my closet (size of 1-car garage) and start picking clothes. Of course, one outfit was new, just for the trip. Why not? The problem always ends up being shoes. I know, I know, how can that be, Imelda, you ask.
Well, I think if I could chart it on a graph you might be able to conceptualize it. Like, let X = number of shoes (currently, oh, 130-ish) and Y = Outfit Combinations, then XY can be a subset consisting of [comfortable yet fashionable matching items] whereas XY is always equal to an Imaginary Number. It’s like I’m convinced there’s a shoe that would be easy to walk in and stylish, but I certainly don’t have one, and I always discover this less than a week away from needing this shadowy perfect shoe…
Really, are there any shoes that look good and feel good? Doubtful. Don’t even mention that stupid commercial where the women were playing basketball in the ugly pumps to prove how comfortable their dress shoes were. Yeah, right.
I’m meeting Louise for a last-minute shop fest tomorrow night. No post, but I will try to get a little more up before I leave. I have lots of great ideas, just very little typing ambition as of late.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Locker Room Laughs
So at the health club tonight there was this basket of free Curel moisture lotion samples, and Lord knows I've never passed up "Free". (Which might explain the box of kittens in my trunk...)
I walk into the crowded women's locker room and read the back of the package aloud:
Directions: Apply this complementary sample to your driest body part. Now how am I supposed to put this on my wit?
I walk into the crowded women's locker room and read the back of the package aloud:
Directions: Apply this complementary sample to your driest body part. Now how am I supposed to put this on my wit?
Isn't it Ironic?
That October is National Spinach Lovers' Month?
Am I not right when I say that if it's not one thing, it's another? How about
this tainted spinach deal? Spinach is contaminated with ecoli bacteria. On the
good side there has never been a better time to pick a fight with Popeye.
-David Letterman
Friday, September 22, 2006
Passion of the (Unspiked) Punch
IT'S A 'DRY' WEDDING FOR MEL'S DAUGHTER
Tuesday September 19, 2006
Mel Gibson was all smiles when he gave away his only daughter Hannah, 26, at her September 16 wedding to blues guitar player and singer Kenny Wayne Shepherd. The hour-long ceremony was held at the Holy Family Chapel — the Catholic Church Gibson shelled out $5 million to build in Agoura Hills, west of Los Angeles. I like Kenny Wayne, didn’t know he was Catholic – what if he’s not? How did Daddy allow that? Oh, he converted recently.
But being a celebrity and musician, this marriage will last!
And just to make sure there was no repeat of Gibson's headline-making DUI arrest in Malibu July 28, there was strictly no alcohol served during the lavish wedding reception held on the spectacular 2,000-acre Ventura Farms estate owned by Dole Food Co. chief David H. Murdock, a billionaire and one of Mel's close friends. Did he serve them tainted spinach?
Hannah, the oldest of Mel and Robyn Gibson's seven children, wore white and was attended by six bridesmaids, all in brown gowns. "She looked lovely and Mel was obviously very proud and happy for her," an observer tells Star. Hannah's six bothers, twins Edward and Christian, 24, William, 22, Louis, 19, Milo, 16 and seven year-old Thomas were all at the nuptials. Don't get me started on my views of overpopulation...
After the ceremony, the bridal party took black stretch limousines the eight miles from the church to the reception, while the 200-plus guests followed in shuttle buses. On their assigned bus seats, each guests found a chilled bottle of water with his or her name on it. BUS SEATS? Couldn't they have horse-drawn carriages? Something classier?
And at Ventura Farms — a huge main house plus acres and acres of manicured green lawns, white fences and stables where Murdock raises champion Arabian horses — instead of Champagne, family and guests toasted the bride and groom with Martinelli's sparkling cider, passion fruit ice tea, sodas, fruit juice and water. Must be nice to have a horse farm.
With a band playing as a bright-orange sun sank into the west, guests feasted on lobster bisque (for which fresh lobster was flown in from Tahiti at a cost of $40,000), filet mignon, roast sea bass, strawberry cream tarts, chocolate mousse and fresh raspberries. Didn't mention if the Pope performed the ceremony, or if the Knights of Templar frisked the guests as they arrived...
If Mel built the church, does he get to make the rules? He's a few commandments short of a tablet, if you ask me!
Tuesday September 19, 2006
Mel Gibson was all smiles when he gave away his only daughter Hannah, 26, at her September 16 wedding to blues guitar player and singer Kenny Wayne Shepherd. The hour-long ceremony was held at the Holy Family Chapel — the Catholic Church Gibson shelled out $5 million to build in Agoura Hills, west of Los Angeles. I like Kenny Wayne, didn’t know he was Catholic – what if he’s not? How did Daddy allow that? Oh, he converted recently.
But being a celebrity and musician, this marriage will last!
And just to make sure there was no repeat of Gibson's headline-making DUI arrest in Malibu July 28, there was strictly no alcohol served during the lavish wedding reception held on the spectacular 2,000-acre Ventura Farms estate owned by Dole Food Co. chief David H. Murdock, a billionaire and one of Mel's close friends. Did he serve them tainted spinach?
Hannah, the oldest of Mel and Robyn Gibson's seven children, wore white and was attended by six bridesmaids, all in brown gowns. "She looked lovely and Mel was obviously very proud and happy for her," an observer tells Star. Hannah's six bothers, twins Edward and Christian, 24, William, 22, Louis, 19, Milo, 16 and seven year-old Thomas were all at the nuptials. Don't get me started on my views of overpopulation...
After the ceremony, the bridal party took black stretch limousines the eight miles from the church to the reception, while the 200-plus guests followed in shuttle buses. On their assigned bus seats, each guests found a chilled bottle of water with his or her name on it. BUS SEATS? Couldn't they have horse-drawn carriages? Something classier?
And at Ventura Farms — a huge main house plus acres and acres of manicured green lawns, white fences and stables where Murdock raises champion Arabian horses — instead of Champagne, family and guests toasted the bride and groom with Martinelli's sparkling cider, passion fruit ice tea, sodas, fruit juice and water. Must be nice to have a horse farm.
With a band playing as a bright-orange sun sank into the west, guests feasted on lobster bisque (for which fresh lobster was flown in from Tahiti at a cost of $40,000), filet mignon, roast sea bass, strawberry cream tarts, chocolate mousse and fresh raspberries. Didn't mention if the Pope performed the ceremony, or if the Knights of Templar frisked the guests as they arrived...
If Mel built the church, does he get to make the rules? He's a few commandments short of a tablet, if you ask me!
Quit Polling My Leg!
20% of Americans believe in a God who favors the United States in worldly affairs.
Whew! I'd hate to see what current state of affairs would be if God didn't! Like maybe we'd be hated world wide?
"Among those believers, Republicans are four times as numerous as Democrats."
That's pretty much the ratio of Republicans to Democrats in general, isn't it?
Boy, somebody's in for a big wake up call, eh, Allah? Bwha-ha-ha-ha!
Just to keep things in perspective, a Harris poll of July 21, 2006 found:
72% of those polled thought the Iraqis are better off now than they were under Saddam Hussein.
64% feel Saddam Hussein had strong links with Al Qaeda.
55% hallucinate that history will give the U.S. credit for bringing freedom and democracy to Iraq.
50% believe Iraq had weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded.
Just for the record, I disagree with all of the above. Yep, and I'm the nut case worshiping a bowl of spaghetti. Whatever.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Just another evening at the Right's
So Mr. Right walks in and I say, "I'm taking a personality test!"
"You have one," he says, and walks out.
Thanks. I was worried about that.
"You have one," he says, and walks out.
Thanks. I was worried about that.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
O, I’m Positive
As I mentioned with the whole spinach post, I really do need to eat healthier and drop a few pounds. Who doesn’t? Or rather who doesn’t that isn’t in total denial?
(I’m talking to YOU Mary-Kate and Kate Moss and anyone else named Kate consuming less than 800 calories a day by choice.*)
Anyhoo, I come across this website that shows all the different types of diets so you can ‘choose the one that fits your lifestyle’. Let’s see… that would be the Nicole Richie diet – eating to gain 40 pounds. I like that one.
So there’s the Atkins diet, the low-fat diet, the Hollywood Diet, the South Beach Diet, the Paris Diet, the Blood Type Diet…
Yep. The blood type diet. Based on your blood type, you get to eat (or avoid) certain foods.
(I just knew I had chubby platelets)
Bet there’s all kinds of Mayo Clinic data backing this one up. Soooo… let’s see – I’m O Positive. Says here I can’t have Ice Cream, Cola or Coffee. Are they nuts? Furthermore, are there other foods? Because besides those three, I really can’t name any I’ve had lately.
I asked Mr. Right what his blood type was. I figured he was O+ as well, since it’s a pretty common type. “No”, he says. “I think I’m B. Or A?”
Let me tell you, this procrastinating perfectionist can’t be anything but an A+++ even in blood type. So as a universal donor, I’ve most likely got him covered. Given the fact that he seems to get injured far more than I do, he should be grateful he married someone with a handy donor type.
*Oh, I can see it now. All the scrawny bulimics spamming me to say their disease is not a choice. And the emails will be about 5,000 words long because that would burn more calories. Who wants fat fingers? Skinny ones work just as well to induce vomiting.
Bin Thinkin'
Well, well, well. Seems as if I’m not the only one to note the strange coincidence.
Whitney Houston seems to be leaving Bobby Brown a suspiciously short time after it has become common knowledge that Osama Bin Laden would like to make her a wife, wouldn’t you agree? Steven Colbert just observed the same on his show recently.
So what is it? Is Whitney “terrorist bait” as Colbert posits? Or is she divorcing Bobby to ‘save’ him from being a target? Perhaps Brown could do lunch with the Pope and Rushke and have a good laugh. In the Pope’s bunker.* While wearing Kevlar vests.
Whitney Houston seems to be leaving Bobby Brown a suspiciously short time after it has become common knowledge that Osama Bin Laden would like to make her a wife, wouldn’t you agree? Steven Colbert just observed the same on his show recently.
So what is it? Is Whitney “terrorist bait” as Colbert posits? Or is she divorcing Bobby to ‘save’ him from being a target? Perhaps Brown could do lunch with the Pope and Rushke and have a good laugh. In the Pope’s bunker.* While wearing Kevlar vests.
I guess the real question is, has Osama seen her lately?
*Don’t tell me some of those catacombs haven’t been reinforced.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Feeling a Little Green
As if you needed a reason to avoid spinach...
Turns out there's a nationwide outbreak of E. coli traced to fresh spinach. Of course, this annoucement is made during one of the few times I have a fresh bag in the fridge, just waiting to become my dinner salad.
I sit and ponder the bag.
$3.
Brand new.
$3.
Dole, one of the brands traced to the outbreak.
$3.
Bought in Wisconsin, one of the states where two people have died.
$3.
Dated in the danger zone.
$3.
In healthy adults, E. coli can cause bloody diarrhea and dehydration. This could cause me to lose ten pounds. And really, isn't that what I bought the spinach for?
Yum!
Turns out there's a nationwide outbreak of E. coli traced to fresh spinach. Of course, this annoucement is made during one of the few times I have a fresh bag in the fridge, just waiting to become my dinner salad.
I sit and ponder the bag.
$3.
Brand new.
$3.
Dole, one of the brands traced to the outbreak.
$3.
Bought in Wisconsin, one of the states where two people have died.
$3.
Dated in the danger zone.
$3.
In healthy adults, E. coli can cause bloody diarrhea and dehydration. This could cause me to lose ten pounds. And really, isn't that what I bought the spinach for?
Yum!
Reasons Why You Should Apparate
The Associated Press reports that author J.K. Rowling recently won an argument with airport security officials in New York City to bring the manuscript of the final Harry Potter book onto a plane as carry-on baggage. She had been in New York for the charity reading at Radio City Music Hall in early August, and flew home after security was tightened later that month. Had security officials not relented, she might not have flown, she wrote on her Web site. "I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't; sailed home probably," she wrote.
"I refused to be parted from the manuscript of book seven," she added. "A large part of it is handwritten, and there was no copy of anything I had done while in the U.S. They let me take it on, thankfully, bound up in elastic bands."
Rowling also wrote that she was still going back and forth between two titles for her last Harry Potter novel. "I was quite happy with one of them until the other one struck me while I was taking a shower in New York," she said. "They would both be appropriate, so I think I'll have to wait until I'm further into the book to decide which one works best."
What was she going to do, paper cut someone to death? Shoot someone’s eye out with an elastic band?
"I refused to be parted from the manuscript of book seven," she added. "A large part of it is handwritten, and there was no copy of anything I had done while in the U.S. They let me take it on, thankfully, bound up in elastic bands."
Rowling also wrote that she was still going back and forth between two titles for her last Harry Potter novel. "I was quite happy with one of them until the other one struck me while I was taking a shower in New York," she said. "They would both be appropriate, so I think I'll have to wait until I'm further into the book to decide which one works best."
What was she going to do, paper cut someone to death? Shoot someone’s eye out with an elastic band?
Fear This
Gas prices have been dropping ever-so-slightly.
Republicans are getting worried I might vote for Hillary.
Republicans are getting worried I might vote for Hillary.
I am a Muscle Car Enthusiast, and I vote.
San Disk Sucks!!!! Part III
San Disk Sucks!!!! And so does Best Buy and the whole rip-off rebate industry!!!!!!
But I did get a check for my remaining $6 today. No thanks to multiple phone calls and third-world call centers.
But I did get a check for my remaining $6 today. No thanks to multiple phone calls and third-world call centers.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Coincidence?
August 22, 2006 12:00am
Article from: BANG Showbiz
TROUBLED pop diva Whitney Houston has a new fan - America's most wanted man, Osama bin Laden.
Alert the Mutaween!!
Kola Boof, the terrorist's former sex slave, claims in her new book that he was obsessed with the troubled How Will I Know singer.
She revealed to Harpers Bazaar magazine: "He told me Whitney was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
"He said that he had a paramount desire for her and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting."
Kola - who until recently wrote for US soap opera The Days of Our Lives - also says Osama wanted to shower her with gifts and convert her to Islam.
The 37-year-old explained: "He said he wanted to give her a mansion he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.
"He would say how beautiful she is, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."
Kola added: "He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."
September 13, 2006
(AP) The tumultuous marriage of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown _ which withstood drug addiction, Brown's numerous arrests, the decline of Houston's once-sparkling image and domestic abuse allegations _ is coming to an end.A publicist for Houston confirmed to The Associated Press that the Grammy-winning, superstar singer had filed for divorce after 14 years of marriage.Publicist Nancy Seltzer declined to reveal where or when Houston filed the divorce papers, and said the singer had no statement to make."I can just confirm that she has filed for divorce," Seltzer said Wednesday.Brown's lawyer said Houston had filed papers for a legal separation.Houston and Brown, who had a home in Alpharetta, Ga., have one child, a 13-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
Now here's a reality show I’d tune in to see! Whitney converting to Islam - at the barrel of a hooka...Whitney slapping Bin Laden around... Whitney organizing the other wives, only to double-cross them...
Article from: BANG Showbiz
TROUBLED pop diva Whitney Houston has a new fan - America's most wanted man, Osama bin Laden.
Alert the Mutaween!!
Kola Boof, the terrorist's former sex slave, claims in her new book that he was obsessed with the troubled How Will I Know singer.
She revealed to Harpers Bazaar magazine: "He told me Whitney was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
"He said that he had a paramount desire for her and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting."
Kola - who until recently wrote for US soap opera The Days of Our Lives - also says Osama wanted to shower her with gifts and convert her to Islam.
The 37-year-old explained: "He said he wanted to give her a mansion he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.
"He would say how beautiful she is, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."
Kola added: "He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."
September 13, 2006
(AP) The tumultuous marriage of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown _ which withstood drug addiction, Brown's numerous arrests, the decline of Houston's once-sparkling image and domestic abuse allegations _ is coming to an end.A publicist for Houston confirmed to The Associated Press that the Grammy-winning, superstar singer had filed for divorce after 14 years of marriage.Publicist Nancy Seltzer declined to reveal where or when Houston filed the divorce papers, and said the singer had no statement to make."I can just confirm that she has filed for divorce," Seltzer said Wednesday.Brown's lawyer said Houston had filed papers for a legal separation.Houston and Brown, who had a home in Alpharetta, Ga., have one child, a 13-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
Now here's a reality show I’d tune in to see! Whitney converting to Islam - at the barrel of a hooka...Whitney slapping Bin Laden around... Whitney organizing the other wives, only to double-cross them...
Monday, September 11, 2006
San Disk Sucks!!!!
San Disk Sucks!!!! And so does Best Buy and the whole rip-off rebate industry!!!!!!
I'm certainly not the only one who thinks so, check out this great site: Infoworld SanDisk Leaves Customers Sans Rebate
I love their observation that the makers of a memory product sure can't recall that customers are owed a rebate!
Anyhoo, got my check today. My check for $12, that is.
Now most NORMAL people would just say, well, at least I got something out of those bastards, and cash the check. Not me.
Face it, most normal people would have never sent in the rebate, let alone properly, let alone make copies and keep meticulous records and know what they were entitled to expect in return. And that’s exactly what they are banking on. The fact that some 50% of rebate offers go unclaimed. The fact that of those sent, only half will include the proper documentation. Or that half the people sent a little postcard rejecting their claim will not call to argue the point. “Emillio” said he was sending my $18. I want my $18 as promised by Best Buy. That amount is even printed on their receipt!
So I call again. “Martin” takes my call. He has an ever-so-slightly better command of the English language than Emillio. I explain I got a check for $12 and it should be for $18. He says that the amount was supposed to be $12. That’s all it is. I agree the check says “only good up to the amount of $12”, but that I have a receipt RIGHT HERE that says $18. Would you like me to fax it to you? Oh, no, I’ll send the rest out. How much?
Six dollars, I say, instantly regretting I didn’t try to argue it was a $180 rebate. Yes, yes, sending it out. I hear music in the background with a female vocalist who isn’t singing in English. I wonder if perhaps he is working from home, sounds almost like a TV at times.
So here’s my advice: Make a clerk explain every rebate to you and SHOW dates valid and amounts. Best Buy gets a kickback on imaginary rebates same as San Disk. It drives their sales with a perceived value that is very difficult to collect.
COPY everything you send in, along with dates.
CALL if you are not getting what is promised.
COMPLAIN to retailers that you don’t want mail in rebates. See if they will give you money off another product that is not offering one to prove consumers don’t trust mail-in.
DO NOT BUY if the rebate looks to restrictive – an example is Menard’s Hardware Stores – they frequently have “Free After Rebate” products – read the fine print – the rebate is only a store credit of some sort on another of the same product. Unless you are using 40 tubes of caulk a month, you most likely don’t want the rebate under those terms. Another scam is motor oil. To collect the rebate, you must send in each qt’s UPC in a limited time window. Most people don’t use 24 quarts of oil in 2 months, let alone feel like cutting out tiny barcodes from the base of plastic containers. Mailing it all in on one stamp won’t work, and they will refuse your extra postage due.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Pluto Publishing Plans
Dear Book Publishers:
While you are oh-so-very busy NOT PUBLISHING my work, I was wondering if you could correct a few hundred thousand science books, text books, monographs and what-all that refer to Pluto as a planet.
Please don't just append existing titles. Get creative. Create a some brand new ones.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Self-Help Section
Chicken Soup for the Former Planet
Political
"We're Invading Pluto Because I Bet That's Where Plutonium Comes From" by G.W. Bush
For Conspiracy Theorists
"Exposing the International Astronomical Union as a Plutocracy"
"Pluto Isn't a Planet, and the Disney Character is the Only Non-Speaking Non-Clothed Animal: Coincidence?"
For the Indecisive
"Did we say Nine? We meant Eight"
"Wait, Maybe There's Twelve"
"Perhaps We Could Meet Again Next Year"
For teens:
"Monster Garage: Dwarf My Planet"
"This Affects Me How?"
"If it's Not on My iPod, Who Cares?"
Grade School
"One Less Ping Pong Ball Needed for the Science Fair"
"My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing"
"Pluto? Wasn't he Popeye's Friend?"
While you are oh-so-very busy NOT PUBLISHING my work, I was wondering if you could correct a few hundred thousand science books, text books, monographs and what-all that refer to Pluto as a planet.
Please don't just append existing titles. Get creative. Create a some brand new ones.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Self-Help Section
Chicken Soup for the Former Planet
Political
"We're Invading Pluto Because I Bet That's Where Plutonium Comes From" by G.W. Bush
For Conspiracy Theorists
"Exposing the International Astronomical Union as a Plutocracy"
"Pluto Isn't a Planet, and the Disney Character is the Only Non-Speaking Non-Clothed Animal: Coincidence?"
For the Indecisive
"Did we say Nine? We meant Eight"
"Wait, Maybe There's Twelve"
"Perhaps We Could Meet Again Next Year"
For teens:
"Monster Garage: Dwarf My Planet"
"This Affects Me How?"
"If it's Not on My iPod, Who Cares?"
Grade School
"One Less Ping Pong Ball Needed for the Science Fair"
"My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing"
"Pluto? Wasn't he Popeye's Friend?"
Nature-al Causes
I just want to give a shout out to Louise (who should be blogging herself silly about her wonderful photographic acomplishments) for sending me this article from Beliefnet.com.
Please take the time to check it out, it says everything so well!
Was it God's joke on Steve? Just desserts, for a daredevil life? The stingray's revenge, for annoying the creatures of the sea and poking his nose and camera where they didn't belong? Or was it a fitting end, a mercifully quick conclusion to an exuberant if incautious life, staged and executed by nature?
***
Yet Irwin never let fear stand in the way of his love of life. He was out there risking, every day, and learning and growing and, well, living. His death is being called, of course, a tragedy. He was only 44. He was a happy husband and father of two great kids. He was a great conservationist who, had he lived, could have done so much more for wildlife preservation. One of his dreams, for instance, was to use the money he was making from royalties and his famed Australia Zoo to buy large tracts of wilderness land and create wilderness reserves that could never be bought by developers.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Ratings Rivalry
That crackly cell phone call of condolences was air tight evidence...
Quick! Hermoine! Warn Harry! Hedwick is wired!
Stinging Commentary
Main Entry: iro·ny Pronunciation: 'I-r&-nE also 'I(-&)r-nEFunction: nounInflected Form(s): plural -niesEtymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eirOnia, from eirOn dissembler1 : a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony 2 a : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c : an ironic expression or utterance3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity b : incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony
If only he had stuck with the stuffed...
Am I the only one who noted Irwin died after abandoning work on a series called "Ocean's Deadliest"?
But weather had prevented the crew from doing work for that program, Stainton said, so Irwin decided to do some softer features for a new children's TV show he was doing with his daughter, Bindi.
If only he had stuck with the stuffed...Am I the only one who noted Irwin died after abandoning work on a series called "Ocean's Deadliest"?
But weather had prevented the crew from doing work for that program, Stainton said, so Irwin decided to do some softer features for a new children's TV show he was doing with his daughter, Bindi.
Auto Abuse
Socialite Paris Hilton was arrested for drunk driving in Hollywood earlier this morning. Hilton was returning from a fund-raiser in her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.
Don't hurt me, mommy!
"I had one margarita [and] was starving because I had not eaten all day," she said. "Maybe I was speeding a little bit and I got pulled over. I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out Burger."
Oh, yeah, right, like that twig eats burgers. Did she just plan to nibble the lettuce and sniff the bun before tossing it out the jacknife door?
Police said Hilton failed a sobriety test but she has not been charged with any offense. That decision will be made by the Los Angles County District Attorney in the next few days.
Depends on how many sex tapes she's willing to autograph...
Hilton's publicist Elliot Mintz, who picked up his client from the police station, said Hilton was affected more than usual by the one drink she had because it was "one drink on an empty stomach after a full day's work."
What kind of nut case drinks and then drives a $452,750 car? No, wait, make that what kind of nut case drives a car that does 0-60 in 3.8 seconds with a top speed of 207 m.p.h. pulls over?
"It's the absolute minimum amount of alcohol in your system that would justify an arrest," he told reporters.
No word as to whether she blamed any particular ethnic groups for her arrest or "all the wars in the world".
Don't hurt me, mommy!
"I had one margarita [and] was starving because I had not eaten all day," she said. "Maybe I was speeding a little bit and I got pulled over. I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out Burger."
Oh, yeah, right, like that twig eats burgers. Did she just plan to nibble the lettuce and sniff the bun before tossing it out the jacknife door?
Police said Hilton failed a sobriety test but she has not been charged with any offense. That decision will be made by the Los Angles County District Attorney in the next few days.
Depends on how many sex tapes she's willing to autograph...
Hilton's publicist Elliot Mintz, who picked up his client from the police station, said Hilton was affected more than usual by the one drink she had because it was "one drink on an empty stomach after a full day's work."
What kind of nut case drinks and then drives a $452,750 car? No, wait, make that what kind of nut case drives a car that does 0-60 in 3.8 seconds with a top speed of 207 m.p.h. pulls over?
"It's the absolute minimum amount of alcohol in your system that would justify an arrest," he told reporters.
No word as to whether she blamed any particular ethnic groups for her arrest or "all the wars in the world".
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
See you in Delphi
| The Oracle 0% Extroversion, 100% Intuition, 27% Emotiveness, 71% Perceptiveness |
| Heuristic, detached, and analytical to a fualt, you are most like The Oracle. You are able to tackle any subject with a fine toothed comb, and you possess an ability to pinpoint nuances and shades of meaning that other people do not have and cannot understand. Accomplishment and realization of ideas are, for you, secondary to the rigorous exploration of ideas and questions -- you are, first and foremost, a theorist. You hate authority, convention, tradition, and under no circumstances do you accept a leadership role (although, you will gladly advise leadership when they're going astray, whether they want you to or not). Abstraction and generalities are your interests, details and particulars are usually inconsequential and uninteresting. You excel at language, mathematics and philosophy. You are typically easy-going and non-confrontational until someone violates one of the very few principles that you deem sacred, at which point you can fly into a rage. Although you possess a much greater understanding of process and systems than the people around you, you are always conscious of the possibility that you've missed something or made a mistake. You don't tend to become attached to particular theories, and will immediately discard mistaken notions once they're revealed to be incorrect (but you don't tolerate iconoclasts who try to discredit validated theories through the use of fallacies and bad data). Despite being outwardly humble, you probably think of yourself as being smarter than most other people. That's because you are. In fact, in your dealings with people your understanding of their motives is so expansive that you know what they're going to say before they say it, and in world affairs, you usually know what is going to take place before it actually does. This ability would make you unbeatable in debates if only you were a little less pensive about your own conclusions, and a little more outgoing. Famous people like you: Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, John McWhorter, Ramanujan, Marie Curie, Kurt Godel Stay clear of: Apollo, Icarus, Hermes, Aphrodite Seek out: Atlas, Prometheus, Daedalus |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test |
Stinging Response
Should I feel guilty the whole Steve Irwin fuss has just been a great way for me to keep blogging about reptiles after beating all those Snakes on a Plane to death? Of course not. Nor should anyone feel bad about examining Irwin's life for both positive and negative lessons to be learned. I admire his conservation and education efforts, but also agree with the view of Steve Johnson of the Chicago Tribune who observed in May, 2001 :
Read Johnson's blog post and commentary here for a full picture of the debate.
"Crikey" (as Irwin too often says), this guy is insufferable, prancing around animal cages in his little zookeeper shorts, taunting the critters into telegenically violent behavior.
There hasn't been a TV star this in love with his own imagined cuteness
since the sitcom heyday of Tony Danza. And I'm pretty sure there's never been
one, not even Evel Knievel, who has been so thoroughly asking for a violent
outcome. ...
Most vexing is the attempt to pass this off as proper zookeeper behavior,
rather than simply the down-under kin to a hundred Florida roadside alligator
hovels.
Read Johnson's blog post and commentary here for a full picture of the debate.
In Case You Were Wondering...
Yes, I would watch footage of the fatal attack. I tend to agree with the line of thinking that Irwin made a career of cheating death and making it look as if he were somehow special to escape unscathed. Sometimes, nature bites back.
Flipper was a Fraud!
Timmy's in a well? The Earth is about to be destroyed? The sardines are rancid?
Much like some other bloggers, writer Cory Franklin suggests Lassie should be held to a higher standard of heroism than your average over-paid TV dog diva...
...other investigators have determined that Flipper was a fake. Scientists
believe it was not possible for him to keep foiling criminals, guide all those
boats to safety and never fail to warn Bud and Sandy of danger; he was simply
too stupid.
That line from the theme song--"No one you see, is smarter than he"--a carefully devised part of the coverup. The most likely explanation for how the brilliant hoax was perpetrated is that Flipper was actually a trained East German goldfish fed steroids and dressed in a dolphin costume.
This stunning revelation about a TV family favorite has opened the window on other faked performances. For years, rumors have been circulating out of Studio City that Mr. Ed could not actually talk. Some trained observers have suspected as much all along, pointing to secret tapes of the show, never shown on TV, where Mr. Ed's lips supposedly do not move when he speaks. Alan Young, a.k.a. Wilbur, the only person Mr. Ed ever spoke to, is now in his 80s and refuses to give interviews.Unsubstantiated reports are that Young has been warned to keep silent by a Hollywood syndicate with residual rights that stands to lose millions if Mr. Ed is exposed as a fake.
Arnold Ziffel, that clever pig on "Green Acres" whom farmers Fred and Doris Ziffel considered their son? He could do practically anything, including play the piano, write his name and go to school where he played practical jokes on other students. In
retrospect, it defies credulity that the viewing public could actually believe this. Reportedly, Eddie Albert, Arnold's co-star, was disgusted by the anthropomorphic deception. His annoyance is often visible on screen, and it became a such constant source of contention between him and Eva Gabor that handyman Eb was forced to intervene on several occasions. Upon hearing Samuel L. Jackson refer to Arnold as "charming" in "Pulp Fiction," Albert vowed never to see the movie. On his deathbed, Albert allegedly said that if he had learned one thing in life, it's that the old adage was right: Never try and teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Of course, all these are merely a prelude to the biggest fraud of all the TV animals. The Big Kahuna. Who else? Lassie. For those who can't bear to face it, stop reading now. But recently declassified documents indicate Lassie was a coward. Whenever a scene called for Lassie to race into a burning building, swim a river or fight off a
bear, shooting had to be stopped and a stunt double summoned. It was, in fact,
well known on the set that in the face of danger Lassie actually cringed and
refused to leave her trailer.Journalist Seymour Hersh is said to have proposed
an expose for The New Yorker, but editors nixed the idea, saying the public
couldn't handle such a devastating story. (read full story here)
That paragon of investigative expose, The Onion, had this to say -
GAINESVILLE, FLA. Although dolphins have long been celebrated for their high
intelligence and for appearing to have a complex language, a team of researchers
at the University of Florida reported Monday that these traits are markedly less
evident on dry land.
After capturing the dolphins from the ocean, Lindell and his colleagues tagged them and placed them under the intense, high-wattage lights of a moisture-proof lab. The researchers then administered an extensive battery of tests designed to measure everything from the dolphins' self-awareness to their aptitude for writing and reading comprehension.
"Dolphins have a popular reputation for being excellent communicators,"
Lindell said. "But our study group offered only three types of response to every
question we posed: a nonsensical, labored wheezing, an earsplitting barrage of
unintelligible high-pitched shrieks, and in extreme cases, a shrill, distressed
scream."
In Memoriam 1962-2006
Crikey! I'm about to leave for work, but how does one wear an alligator handbag and shoes at half-mast?
Monday, September 04, 2006
'Psycho' Screenwriter Dies at Age 84
Joseph Stefano passed away Friday. He was a close friend of 'Psycho' director Alfred Hitchcock, and was also the co-creator of the science-fiction TV series The Outer Limits.
His corpse will be propped up in a swiveling chair with a woman’s wig placed atop…
First Pluto, Now Carolyn!
Donald Trump has fired his Apprentice sidekick Carolyn Kepcher after she became "too caught up with her fame" from the show.
Good commentary on BusinessPundit.com
Um, hello Pot? I’d like you to meet Kettle?
Risky Good Business
Tom Cruise has apologized to Brooke Shields for criticizing her use ofQuick! Check the thermometer in Hell!
anti-depressant medication when she was diagnosed with post-partum depression
following the birth of her first child.
Did Katie put him up to this? Or is he really worried no one else will work with him?
Dream Flick: Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson starring in a Roman Polanski film pinning the Manson Family murders on the Jews as solved by L. Ron Hubbard
Stingrays 1, Antagonizing Celebrity 0
Well I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Steve Irwin, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, died from a stingray barb to the heart. Normally docile, the 8ft across stingray may have felt cornered when Irwin and camera crew approached. Supposedly, this is only the third fatality linked to stingrays, so I guess there are about a million office pools in Australia and the U.S. paying out some pretty long odds…
(My money was on Bearded Dragon Blocking Breathing)
Here’s a great site that has compiled “Creatures that have bitten Steve Irwin”.
(My money was on Bearded Dragon Blocking Breathing)
Here’s a great site that has compiled “Creatures that have bitten Steve Irwin”.
Wonder if Paul Hogan will attend the funeral?
*Breaking News: Austraila is considering a State funeral for him
Friday, September 01, 2006
Party Over
Seems summer is but a bitter memory, at least in my (much too far north) neck of the woods. Oh, sure, it’s Labor Day, but pretty much the whole month of August was bad weather, so it seems I didn’t get my allotment of summer this year at all. Only used the Vette a handful of times and didn’t get in anywhere near enough rollerblading (just ask my flabby posterior).The days are growing short and the nights quite chilly. Soon I will sink into an abyss of depression and carbohydrate abuse.
Bulldozers are tearing up my neighborhood (and there’s some question as to whether the big-equipment happy developer even has approval for his 390 home slum, but damnit, it’s his land and he doesn’t need no stinkin oak trees) assuring that next spring there will be no joy in Constructionville.
Around January I’ll most likely have nothing left to live for. So I’ll bet those December posts should be good and maudlin. Instead of offering Vioxx and Viagra via thousands of junk emails, perhaps e-marketers should sell cyanide. Sure, not much repeat business, but an eager pool of disillusioned cubicle-dwellers await. I have more to say, but I’m tired, cranky, and in need of a sweater. Where are those M&Ms?
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