Monday, June 28, 2010

This Could Happen to Me!

Ten-year-old Carley Helm feared her brand-new pet turtle was doomed, the victim of confusion over airline policies regarding the transportation of reptiles. I don't agree with policies concerning the salmonella potential reptiles or the stupid rules of airlines. Why should I be surprised the two intersect?

But thanks to some scrambling by AirTran Airways officials, it made a safe journey from Atlanta to General Mitchell International Airport on Thursday afternoon.

And yes, Carley is sure it’s the same turtle — she can tell by the small white dot below its nose.

After visiting their father in Atlanta, Carley and her two sisters were traveling home Tuesday with the tiny reptile, named Neytiri after the leading lady in the blockbuster “Avatar.” With the turtle in its container, they made it through security, aboard the AirTran aircraft and to their seats in the cabin of the aircraft — showing off Neytiri along the way. No one raised any questions. Meanwhile, several passengers snuck explosives aboard.

However, as the plane began to taxi on the runway, the pilot announced it was turning back because a turtle was onboard, violating Federal Aviation Administration policy. OMG! A Reptile Emergency! On a PLANE!! A tiny turtle terrorist!!!

The FAA prohibits reptiles and most animals onboard commercial aircrafts — with the exception of dogs, cats and household birds in approved containers that fit below the seat, said AirTran spokesman Christopher White.

“Reptiles are in no form allowed onboard for safety reasons,” White said. “They are very, very commonly known to carry salmonella.” Oh, please. Let's talk about what humans are commonly known to carry. Let's talk about that filthy recirculated air you swirl around the cabin.

“I know policies need to be followed, but (AirTran) should make sure their employees know what the policies are,” her mother, Tracy Helm, said Thursday. Why not just use it as a new source of revenue like everything else the airlines touch? Three Dollar Turtle Carry-On Thursdays would be a nice special. Surprised they didn't make them buy the turtle a seat.

Back at the gate, the girls asked if the airline could keep the turtle until their dad — who was on his cell phone and rushing back to the airport — could pick it up, said their mother. They were told that was not possible, but they could catch a later flight for free.They have human baby-sitters, why not pets? Oh, wait, they can't keep track of my luggage, even with extra fees. The little guy would have ended up in some soup.

One of her sisters, Rebecca Helm, 22, opted to deposit the small container with Neytiri into a garbage can next to Gate C2 and told her dad to look for it there and rescue it. When he arrived, the can was empty, and he was told the garbage had probably already been emptied. Impossible. I've been to airports.

Notified of the situation, AirTran officials immediately began contacting everyone who had worked near that gate Tuesday, White said. It turned out an AirTran ramp supervisor had rescued Neytiri from the trash and given the tiny reptile to another employee, who took it home to her 5-year-old son, White said. Whew!

The employee who had Neytiri returned the turtle.

Neytiri made the trip Thursday to Milwaukee in the cargo of a Delta Air Lines flight because AirTran only transports luggage.

The turtle’s flight did have one last glitch, but this one was common to all air travelers: an hour-and-a-half delay. Happy ending, but we need to change the rules!! Turtles are NOT dangerous, and should travel with their owners.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Where is Gulfzilla When You Need Him ?!

EMPIRE, La. (AP) — BP chief executive Tony Hayward took a day off Saturday to see his 52-foot yacht "Bob" compete in a glitzy race off England's shore, a leisure trip that further infuriated residents of the oil-stained Gulf Coast.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Oil is Lost

Saw these two items at the grocery store today and couldn't help but think,
"What a great dip to serve at the next BP Shareholder's meeting!"

Two and a Half Alibis

For the second time in four months, Charlie Sheen’s car was reportedly stolen and found at the bottom of a cliff after the actor left his keys in the ignition again. TMZ reports:

Cops have already been to Sheen’s home today. Charlie told them the last time he noticed his vehicle sitting in the driveway was at around 4 PM. He said he had no idea the car was stolen until cops showed up.
Law enforcement sources say cops actually joked when they got the call early this morning that it was Charlie’s car, never really believing lightning would strike twice. One law enforcement source calls the most recent incident “suspicious.”

The FIRST time this happened, I suspected he did it himself, and just didn't want to be questioned/drug-tested. This time I'm sure it's him, and he's cracking up. Cracking up perfectly innocent cars. If he gets anywhere near his stash of 1950's collector cars, I'll kill him myself.

Monday, June 14, 2010

In Other News


I'm heartbroke I didn't attend the Vanity Handicap to get my "Zenyatta Bobblehead", but just the thought of 17-0 is breathtaking. A true superhorse! Where's the beanie baby?

Also, Rachel Alexandra is back in the winner's circle after the Fleur de Lis Handicap at Churchill Downs.

They have yet to meet.

Belmont Blues

Did not do well picking winners at the Belmont.

My hopes were on an Exacta box with Drosselmeyer and Dave in Dixie (who finished second to last. Thanks a lot, Calvin).

Oh well.

Half right.

Some Stories Just Re-Write Themselves...

Was it insured by State Farm?

Squareville – “Cartoon Horse” was a target as soon as he arrived in Squareville.

His ears were mauled. His treasure chest jostled. And eventually, despite being bolted to a 300-pound concrete slab, he simply was gone, stolen from his home at 218 Main St. Police believe that it was taken sometime between 9 p.m. Saturday and 9 a.m. Sunday.

In a totally unrelated story, Dozens O' Donuts had their annual All Night Sale 9 p.m. Saturday to 9 a.m. Sunday...

“Whoever executed this theft either had equipment or a team of people,” said Ann Henslee, community outreach director for the Main Stay Therapeutic Riding Program.

Or help from the police?

“It’s insane. It’s crazy. And it’s very depressing. We’re terrified for the other horses.”

Is it too soon to suggest next year's theme be Flesh-Eating Zombie Horses from Beyond the Grave? Thestrals?

“Cartoon Horse” was one of 26 decorative rocking horses that appeared on the Square last week as part of a fundraiser for Main Stay. Main Stay has provided individualized equine-related therapy to help people with disabilities since 1984.

Rocking Horse Rustlers at Large!!

The “Rock On” fundraiser is a follow-up to last year’s “Horses of a Different Color,” in which fiberglass carousel horses were painted by local artists and placed around the Square.

Those were actually attractive. Perhaps the vandals were making a point in a misguided way. Everyone I've spoken to this year thinks the rocking horses are really ugly.

Each horse had a different theme, and at the end of the summer, the horses were auctioned off, raising about $50,000 for Main Stay.

I'm not seeing a market for this years, we'll have to see.

Despite the popularity and success of the program, “Horses of a Different Color” was not without incident. In August 2009, vandals hit three of the horses one morning, causing more than $450 in damage.

Bad enough, but none disappeared.

“Luck of the Irish,” near the former O’Leary’s Pub, got the worst of it.

The rocking horses featured in this year’s fundraiser were placed on the Square on Thursday. The kickoff is today on the Square with an ice cream social and a concert at 7:30 p.m.

Henslee said that within six hours, the horse, located almost directly across the street from the Classic Cinemas movie theater, had been damaged.

“Someone had been very cruel to its ears,” Henslee said. Later, it was apparent that the treasure chest below “Cartoon Horse” had been “disturbed.”

The artwork was disturbed to begin with.

Henslee said the theft was a loss for Main Stay, which planned to auction the horse in September as part of this year’s fundraiser. However, she said, it also is a loss for the community.

“How can you move something that heavy without someone hearing that or seeing that? There are bars around there, a movie theater, apartments,” Henslee said.

And the cops were where?? I feel so safe in Squareville.

Woodstock Police Sgt. Richard Johns said that there was little evidence left at the scene.

Were there two parallel lines dragged off into the sunset?

“[It’s] just gone,” Johns said. “From my understanding, it’s quite heavy.”

(Insert Twilight Zone music here)

Johns said that the police planned extra patrols around areas where the “Rock On” horses were “to keep an eye on them.”

Nothing like shutting the barn door after the rocking horse is gone...

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

An Inconvenient Filing

What's this? After forty years Al and Tipper Gore are divorcing? Say it ain't so!

Guess the only place the temperature was dropping was in the boudoir... no renewable energy there, apparently.

Supposedly they announced the split to their closest friends via e-mail - and I hope it included Tipper's observation that she just couldn't listen to him tell the story of how he invented the Internet one more time. Right there, any judge should give her more than half the marital assets. Wonder who gets Oscar and who gets the medal?

Can you just see Al tooling down the PCH with the sunroof in his Prius open, blaring Gangsta Rap now that he's free?

Is it just a coincidence this news comes after the worst environmental disaster in U.S. history? Al's ties to the oil industry are just the Tipper the iceberg, if you ask me.


Did You e-nhale?