Saturday, May 30, 2009
I have never watched an episode of American Idol, but I kept hearing about Adam, and when the whole Queen thing came up, I decided I needed to seek this out. Sign Adam! And write some REAL rock songs!! You kind of wasted Paul, don't blow this one. Someone send a text message to John Deacon. Is he sure he doesn't need a few pounds?
Friday, May 29, 2009
After careful consideration, we have decided not to run Rachel Alexandra in the Belmont Stakes next weekend. We have advised Calvin Borel, Chip Woolley and Belmont of our decision. We thank them, the media and the fans for their many courtesies and patience while we pondered.
Langdon: Hello, I'm Professor Robert Langdon, I was called from Harvard regarding the missing money.
Buxom Bimbo: Harvard? The place with the cow? We used to go there for the parade when I was a kid!
Langdon: Uh.... no, I'm a symbologist.
BB: Oh, you can't eat cows. I'm sorry. Must be hard living there.
Langdon: The money. The missing money?
BB: Yeah, it's supposed to be right here! Millions and millions of dollars.
Langdon: It's a leather bound ledger, looks rather new. It seems to be missing many $$$$, and perhaps more than a few commas.
BB: I told you! There's no money! All that has been left behind is this odd little rectangle.
Langdon: Man, that's one ugly rectangle. Not golden at all.
BB: (gasping) Looks like blood.
Langdon: No, it's ink. Red ink. Over here - look, it's the letters IAWG
BB: Is that the sacred name of God?
Langdon: More powerful than that. It stands for International Affiliation of Writer's Guilds! Do you know what that means?
Langdon: That's no rectangle - that's a Remainder Bin!!!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Feelin' lucky punk? Nine-dollar airfare lucky?
For $9, this will NOT be your pilot
Media buzz surrounds the decision by Jet America to offer $9 seats in order to hype their new venture of serving small and mid-size cities.
In fact, a long scarf and goggles might be a good idea.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
10 Most Ticketed Cars per U.S. News
1. Hummer H2
People who love the Hummer H2 probably love its bold, imposing looks. Apparently, cops love the H2 because it helps them meet their ticket quotas. Here's a tip: If you have an H2, maybe you shouldn't drive it near then end of the month when traffic cops are scrambling to make their numbers.
2. Scion tC
Seeing the tC on the most-ticketed list makes sense, given its popularity with young people. Its sporty performance, which comes at a price that makes affording tickets easy, probably helps tempt some drivers as well.
3. Scion xB
Like the Scion tC, the xB is aimed at younger drivers. Still, when you look at the xB's less-than-stellar performance, it's safe to assume that all the tickets xB drivers are getting aren't moving violations.
4. Mercedes Benz CLK63 AMG
If you're lucky enough to have a Mercedes AMG -- any AMG -- then a few tickets are worth unleashing this luxurious beast. Besides, if you've got a Mercedes, you can probably afford a few traffic citations.
5. Toyota Solara Coupe
Now, here's a surprise. The fifth most ticketed car is the Toyota Solara Coupe. Essentially a two-door Camry, the Solara isn't known for road-thrashing performance. Maybe Solara drivers just get a lot of parking tickets.
6. Mercedes Benz CLS63 AMG
The CLS63 AMG is another luxury performance car, so it's no shocker to see its drivers among the most ticketed. The question is: With all that power, why aren't more CLS63 AMG drivers outrunning the cops?
7. Scion xA
With the xA taking the seventh spot on the ten most ticketed cars list, Scion completes the traffic-ticket hat trick. Toyota's upstart little brand has only come out with four models over its entire lifespan -- and three of them will likely get you a date in traffic court.
8. Subaru Outback
Subarus have a reputation of being yuppie grocery getters, but the Outback manages to prove that stereotype wrong by being one of the top ten most ticketed cars. Apparently, the Outback is the car of choice for people who need to get to Whole Foods in a hurry, and maybe park illegally once they're there.
9. Audi A4
Audi often finds itself in the shadows of Mercedes and BMW, but not when it comes to getting tickets. The Audi A4 is the ninth most ticketed car in America.
10. Toyota Matrix
The Toyota Matrix is often credited for bringing SUV styling to small cars. Now it can also be credited to bringing insurance rate increases to thousands of its owners.
10 Least Ticketed Cars
1. Jaguar XJ
The Jaguar XJ gives drivers a smooth ride and an opulent interior. As the least- ticketed car in America, it also seems to provide the ability to fly under radar guns. There's a feature they won't tell you about at the dealership.
2. Chevrolet Suburban
Suburban drivers tend to need their large SUVs for hauling people or towing trailers, not breaking land speed records. So it's not surprising to see it on the list of least-ticketed cars.
3. Chevrolet Tahoe
The Tahoe shares some architecture with the Hummer H2, the most-ticketed car in America. Despite the two having similar sizes, the Tahoe manages not to attract as much police attention.
4. Chevrolet Silverado 2500 and 3500
It's no shocker to find Chevrolet's heavy-duty trucks among the least-ticketed vehicles. These trucks are usually bought for their towing ability, not for impromptu drag races.*
5. Buick Park Avenue
While Buick has recently begun to increase the oomph in their cars, the now- discontinued Park Avenue helped solidify the brand's image as cars for the senior set. No wonder Park Avenue drivers tend not to get very many tickets.
The largest car in Mazda's line up, the Mazda6 has plenty of the brand's zoom-zoom, yet still manages to be among the least-ticketed cars. If you love driving sporty sedans but can't take seeing any more red and blue lights in your rearview mirror, the Mazda6 may be just the car for you.
7. Buick Rainier
The now-discontinued Buick Rainier is a largely forgettable attempt at a near- luxury SUV. Maybe that forgettable nature keeps cops from noticing when one commits a traffic offense.
8. Oldsmobile Silhouette
Finding a minivan from Oldsmobile on the list of least-ticketed cars isn't surprising. What's surprising is that anyone is still driving a Silhouette.
9. Buick Lucerne
The Buick Lucerne offers a near-luxury experience at an affordable large car price. Being one of the least-ticketed cars means that the Lucerne's affordability continues after it's bought, thanks to fewer fines and lower insurance rates.
10. GMC Sierra 1500
The GMC Sierra is an attractive truck for work or play. With its ability to haul or tow heavy loads, this truck will do anything you ask it to, including avoiding traffic citations.
* I need to show this to Al, who has been ticketed in one. In fact, I was in it once when he tried to hit 100 and the motor really does shut down as you get around 90!! It was weird.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
She did it! I had a whopping $4 bet, which yielded $10.80, but that's OK, I was just betting on her to show support.
Tally for the season:
Derby - $10 bet, $2 refunded = -$8
Preakness-$10 bet, $10.80 won = +.80
Currently down $7.20...
Rachel Alexandra went into the race as the favorite and did not disappoint.
It certainly looked as if she could have been overtaken had the race been longer, so there's only one logical thing to do - enter her in the Belmont. The Belmont has broken more hearts than any other race - just look back at last year's suspicious performance by Big Brown who certainly failed to deliver. I really wanted to see War Emblem win a Triple Crown, but he stumbled out of the gate and never recovered.
What if Rachel Alexandra wins the Belmont? First off, I hope it silences forever the "neigh"-Sayers who think a filly can't compete against the colts. Secondly, it liken her to one of the most magnificent racehorses of all time, Man O' War. Man O' War never competed in the Derby as his owner didn't care for Kentucky or running a 3 yr. old a mile and a quarter that early in the season.
Better yet, imagine for a second that I Want Revenge was healthy enough to come into the Belmont and win? Then we could have all three horses come to Arlington Park for the Million and settle it once and for all. Just my humble suggestion.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A hoof beat away from the track record - listen for Calvin's declaration "She's the best horse I've ever been on".
Filly Could Liven Up Preakness Field
» Links to this article
By Andrew BeyerSpecial to The Washington Post Thursday, May 7, 2009; 8:53 AM
The outlook for the 134th Preakness may have changed radically after prominent owner Jess Jackson announced the purchase of Rachel Alexandra.
The 3-year-old filly dazzled the racing world with her 20 1/4 -length victory in the Kentucky Oaks, and it was arguably a better performance than Mine that Bird delivered when he won the Derby the next day. Rachel Alexandra's veteran trainer Hal Wiggins immediately scotched any speculation that the filly might challenge colts in the Preakness.
But yesterday Jackson's Stonestreet Farm issued a news release saying that the owner had purchased the filly.
"She is fast, strong and durable -- the trait we should be breeding into all future generations of racehorses," Jackson said, adding that he intends to breed Rachel Alexandra to Curlin -- his now-retired champion, the winner of the 2007 Preakness -- when her racing career is over.
However, it is her near-term plans that pique the racing world. Rachel Alexandra was not nominated for the Preakness, but she could be supplemented to the race for a fee of $100,000 -- a pittance to the billionaire Jackson. Not only does he have the money, he may have the will. He never shied from challenges with Curlin. Instead of retiring him at 3, he campaigned the colt as a 4-year-old, racing him in Dubai and trying him on both grass and synthetic surfaces.
He has not yet given any indication of his plans for Rachel Alexandra -- the filly is being transferred today to the barn of trainer Steve Asmussen -- but if she runs at Pimlico on May 16 her presence will inject new excitement into the race. And she would probably be the favorite.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Take bright red plastic jewelry out of Ziploc baggie to wear moments before leaving. Notice one earring post has popped off. Run about frantically looking for crazy glue. Make sloppy mess gluing earring back together. Wait five seconds. Put earring on. Leave.
Pass first gas station while swearing at OPEC. Drive one mile to next station. Begin having heart palpitations when seeing your 'best best' station is ten cents higher than the last one. Turn around. Go back to station one.
Open little door and cap. Move nozzle near hole. Watch gas come spewing out all over side of car, despite not yet selecting 'high octane'. Panic. Put gas in while searching for napkins in car. Finish pumping gas and run in station yelling, "water, where is the water?". Note employee and customers think you are nuts or possibly on fire. Perhaps both, but they can't be bothered to point. Find sink and wet napkins. Wipe car.
Arrive at work worried the paint will peel off car before you can get home and re-wax it. Push hair out of eyes and realize some of it is now glued to ear and/or earring. Yank.
Wonder if earring removal will require screwdriver or ice....
Time: 7:46 a.m. It's going to be a lonnnnng day....
Monday, May 11, 2009
Borel has already agreed to ride Rachel Alexandra for the rest of the
year. The duo are unbeaten in five starts since he took over as her jockey last
fall, including a 20 1/4-length win in the Oaks on May 1.
Allen said Mike Smith, who won the 2005 Kentucky Derby with Giacomo, will ride Mine That Bird if Borel is on Rachel Alexandra.
"That's a pretty good backup plan," he said with a laugh. "We're not crying in our beer right now."
Thursday, May 07, 2009
We have actual appliance failure folks, just as predicted!!!!
This is too much.
Click on the links below under I'm Seeing a Pattern Here, "Maytag Sucks". You'll see (by waving your mouse over the white text that appeared when this blog was green, long ago) that in March of 2007 our Maytag Dishwasher was recalled.
I guess the insurance lawsuits from thousands of house fires put a little pressure on them to admit they knowingly make and ship dangerous crap and never fess up. So a repair man replaced a switch. Guess what went out? A switch.
When Al opened the unit up you could see repair guy forgot to replace a screw. Whether that had anything to do with the switch malfunction, I am unable to prove, but this is ridiculous. I'm sick and tired of appliance uprisings (see my take on the appliance breakdowns of Biblical proportions here.) and vow revenge on the Maytag Corporation and all its evil issue.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Some people find a vaccine for Polio.
Some people volunteer with youths at risk.
And some people buy black cars.
Yep. The time it took me to clean the interior, wash, polish, and wax my RSX S type today was quite significant, yet so worth it. Nothing like being able to see yourself in a plastic bumper.
Speaking of plastic, there are two new cracks in my car that weren't there the last time I washed. I don't know if the harsh winter had something to do with it, but a piece of plastic on the door handle has a crack and the little spoiler on the back has one too. I probably have several cancerous moles on my body that I've never noticed, but I can show you the location of every ding on any car I own.
The next nice weekend? I can look forward to doing it all again for the Vette...
Saturday, May 02, 2009
(But Maytag STILL Sucks).
It's a screed on how the first day of May is apparently the moment OPEC turns its 40 Billionth dollar of profit for the calendar year - and stays on track to double that figure each month for the next four months - gas prices jumped thirty cents!!
This is an outrage. I drove around to four stations before finding nauseating-but-I-think-I-can-keep-last-night's-dinner-down prices at the shiny new station that for some reason always has pump software problems. This joint is pretty new, but their pumps are never working. Today, it was merely a sign that said you can't buy a car wash at the pump. I can deal with that. There have been plenty of please pay inside days, we can't give you a receipt at the pump days and plain old gas isn't even pumping days. But, they do have among the best prices I can find, so I suffer through it. Also, this is the joint I discovered gives a free 16 oz. coffee with fill-up. Flavored coffee.
So at these prices, I figure they owe me a Styrofoam cup and the two Splendas I slipped in my purse. As I'm pumping, a '67 red Corvette** convertible with side pipes goes by, just to make me feel even more inadequate. Angrily, I stuff a plastic straw into my Styrofoam cup of steaming Hazelnut Cream Joe.
Go ahead carcinogenic chemicals released from the plastic. Make my day!*
Slurp! Ahhh... nothing tastes as good as FREE.
*All this fury from a woman who just left an hour and half long Yoga class. Imagine how stressed I'd be without it.
**Just in case you're not into cars, this is like the Holy Grail of automobiles.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Me: How are you?
Al: I don't feel well.
Me: Do you have flu symptoms?
Al: What are flu symptoms?
Me: (incredulous) You know, fever, chills, aches... Oinking...
Hmmm... let's see now... according to the CDC, this is the chart we would need:
Number of deaths for top ten leading causes of death
Heart disease: 652,091
Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 143,579
Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 130,933
Accidents (unintentional injuries): 117,809
Alzheimer's disease: 71,599
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 43,901
Flu is #8, and that's without any mutations. So I'll go with giving it a large chunk of the nightly news. Let's see... murder? Terrorism? Death by Diet Pill? Snakes on a Plane? Not even close to making the list.
After studying this, at least 22 minutes of a 30 minute news program would be about heart disease. (Interspersed with McDonalds commercials) Yawn.
The mutation jumps at midnight, pass it on!