Vegas on Two Pairs (of Shoes) a Day

Yes, I’m still alive. No, I haven’t got a life yet, but not having one sure does seem to keep me busy some days.

We’ve sunk into a string of record-breaking cold temperatures, meaning September was even worse than August, if that’s possible. Now comes October first, and it’s gorgeous. Too late for the Vette of course, I cancelled the insurance on that because of the horrible rains and frost. Great. Just great.

Need to bring the turtles in! They certainly must be shivering in their little shells for sure (say that three times fast).

Waxed the Acura today because I just didn’t know if I’d get another chance. If I wasn’t so busy packing, I would have polished it before waxing, but now that will have to wait for spring. If there is a spring.

I see Com Ed is still trying to put some non-existent positive spin on the fact that their rates are about to rise 25%!! Note to self: call Chicago Tribune and ask how much a full-page ad in the first section costs. Then call Chicago Housing Authority and ask how much it costs for a month’s worth of electricity for a small apartment. Then add 25% to that figure. Then divide the first figure by the second to determine how many Grandmothers could have had electricity for a month if that idiot Com Ed president didn’t keep taking out ads to boo-hoo over how they haven’t had a rate hike in years. Hey, here’s a big psychic prediction! House fires will increase by 25% due to homeowners burning candles.

I’m packing for Las Vegas!! Mr. Right (as in Will-Be-Packing-Right-As-The-Car-To-The-Airport-Pulls-In-Our-Drive) has a software convention to attend so I thought I’d tag along! I’m hoping to be able to do some Road Blogs as well! Actually, I love Vegas. I’m not a gambler (Despite marrying Al) but love looking at the incredible architecture, gaudy neon and enjoy the world class shopping! Can’t afford anything at those overpriced designer stores. I’m talking about the hotel gift shops! Where else can you get Egyptian-themed junk, (Luxor) Roman kitsch, (Caesar’s) and Sea Life Stuff (Mandalay Bay) in such proportion! I love it all! Already I’m obsessing about spending too much and how to lug it all home!! Whee! Oh, maybe I’ll bet $20 or so. On some Win A Porsche slot machine. They have lots of gimmicky stuff like cars and motorcycles you can win with a spin.

I’ve already charted all the attractions I want to see: Mandalay Bay’s Aquarium, animals at the Flamingo, the tiger that mauled Roy at the Mirage (he’s not really on display, but how would I know if it was Monty or not? Or they could have had him stuffed so tourists could poke him, or take pictures. Oh, that would be cool, mount him rearing on his back legs swiping a huge paw at onlookers and they could charge $20 for photos where you could stick your head in his mouth…don’t laugh, Vegas is famous for this kind of crap.)

There’s also the Penske Wynn Ferrari Maserati dealership. That’s right, dealership. Except they charge you $10 to get in!!! NOTHING in Vegas is free. And a lot of the food stinks. But I do love playing Keno while waiting for my entrée. I wish they had that here. Keno has horrible odds, but it keeps you busy with the crayon between courses. More dignified than just using the crayon on the place mat like I have to do at IHOP. Anyhoo, you get to look at the cars in this snazzy showroom display and get to EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP!!! The only thing more expensive than looking at these cars will be the T-shirts, mugs, pens, etc. I buy on the way out…but hey, it’s Vegas!

So I spent hours and hours packing. How unlike a man, who minutes before going to a wedding discovers he’s gained weight in the past three years since he last wore his suit and it’s too late to have it altered now….

Also reviewing what’s verboten in the carry-on department. I’ll have to ask Kane Citizen how his experience was. Of equal importance is the selection of vacation reading material. Nothing as weighty as Kane Citizen’s choices, I’m afraid. Speaking of weight, I consciously chose books that were small and light. Sorry Complete Collected Works of Oscar Wilde and Leaves of Grass and The Girls. I’ll have to get to you another time. I think I’ll bring: Not Enough Indians, Harry Shearer; Metro Girl, Janet Evanovich (new author for me!); A Spot of Bother, Mark Haddon; Apex Hides the Hurt, Colson Whitehead; Thunderstruck, Erik Larson. That last one is pretty large, but at least I know Al would like it, so I’m bringing it.

I fling open my closet (size of 1-car garage) and start picking clothes. Of course, one outfit was new, just for the trip. Why not? The problem always ends up being shoes. I know, I know, how can that be, Imelda, you ask.

Well, I think if I could chart it on a graph you might be able to conceptualize it. Like, let X = number of shoes (currently, oh, 130-ish) and Y = Outfit Combinations, then XY can be a subset consisting of [comfortable yet fashionable matching items] whereas XY is always equal to an Imaginary Number. It’s like I’m convinced there’s a shoe that would be easy to walk in and stylish, but I certainly don’t have one, and I always discover this less than a week away from needing this shadowy perfect shoe…

Really, are there any shoes that look good and feel good? Doubtful. Don’t even mention that stupid commercial where the women were playing basketball in the ugly pumps to prove how comfortable their dress shoes were. Yeah, right.

I’m meeting Louise for a last-minute shop fest tomorrow night. No post, but I will try to get a little more up before I leave. I have lots of great ideas, just very little typing ambition as of late.