Travel Blog

I don’t know travel plans are like at your house, but here’s what happens at ours.

Trip one month away:

Me: Mark date on calendar. Make sure not to plan any other events (dentist appointment, lunch dates, elective surgery) right before or during this time.
Him: That’s a month away. I have plenty of time.

Me: Go online to research weather conditions of area. Note hurricanes are expected.
Him: It’s Florida. Pack shorts.

Me: Check out list of things to do in the area, noting cost, dates and times of operation. Print out little coupons for attractions.
Him: Florida. Shorts.

Me: Make list of things I will need to bring. List any credit cards or other valuables taken in case of emergency.
Him: I know how to pack. Shorts.

Two Weeks Before:

Me: Make sure camera has batteries and little travel size supplies are ready to go. Decide on a ‘theme color’ so items packed will all mix and match. Make tough decisions on how to make the most of the fewest pieces of clothing.
Him: How long does it take to pack shorts?

Me: Try on clothing and select items to bring, including a minimum of three pairs of shoes for various terrain. Pack clothing steamer.
Him: What doesn’t go with shorts?

One Week Before:

Me: Select books to bring. Pick jewelry that will go with outfits. Cancel mail and newspaper delivery.
Him: There’s a whole week yet. Plenty of time.

Me: Get hair and nails done.
Him: Maybe I should get a haircut too.

Two Days Before:

Me: Leave itinerary with numbers of hotels, etc. with a family member
Him: Mention in passing to sister that she needs to water our plants, feed pets, etc. Figure she has a key or knows how to jiggle a window to get in. Don’t really specify when we are planning to return.

One day before:

Me: Get good night’s sleep, busy day coming up
Him: I want a haircut. My hairdresser should drop everything to see me now. Didn’t she know we were going on vacation? I thought my wife told her everything.

Me: look over check list one last time to make sure nothing is forgotten
Him: Wonders why clothes he wants to bring are dirty or do not fit any more.
Packs enough for two other time zones and climates. Complains wife threw out favorite piece of luggage.

Day Of:

Me: In car, looking disgusted as 6 a.m. leave time creeps towards 10 a.m. departure.
Him: Ask if wife has seen atlas or his favorite watch. Get in car. Realize sunglasses were forgotten. Go back for sunglasses; bring more sunscreen despite the two bottles wife has already packed. Mention he should have checked the oil/added air to the tires/overhauled the engine before the trip, but it’s too late now.

We’re There:

Him: Oh my God! I forgot to pack my bathing suit!
Me: Shut up and wear your shorts.