The Human Stain

So let’s see…there’s about what, 52 hours until the Memorial Day weekend? My husband, Mr. Right (It wasn’t until after our marriage that I discovered his first name is Always) has announced that he will stain our house. In one 3-day weekend. This coming 3 day weekend. Oh, you say, he must have measured the house, calculated the square footage, determined the type and amount of stain needed, ordered it two weeks in advance, and rented scaffolding and other paint-related paraphernalia. Yeah, right. I think there’s a roller in the basement. Somewhere.

How do men accomplish anything? How many times have you heard men blamed for wars? Ever hear of the 100 Years War? Executed by women, this conflict would have taken an afternoon at most. Men?

Did you bring the arrows?

Um, no. Did you?

No. But I’ve got a sword here…

We’ve got a catapult, but no ammo…

Ok, everybody, let’s meet back here tomorrow at dawn…

Dawn? That’s pretty early. Can’t we sleep in til 10?

Shall we just postpone the whole thing until after jousting
season?

Yeah, that works for me.

But let’s come out here every day, so the wenches don’t get wise-

Agreed!

Heard a rash of teenage vandalism has broken out in the county, especially in movie theater parking lots. One man had obscenities carved into the side of his red Corvette convertible. Now I’m really paranoid* and don’t want to leave my car alone for even a minute. If I do go to a movie, it will be a drive in, and I’ll be invoking my constitutional right to bear arms.

Hear about the movie theater that was robbed by the guy in the Darth Vader mask? Demanded money and fled on foot. What, the X Wing in the shop?

Thought for the Day: Can you even imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

What I’m Reading: A Short History of Nearly Everything
What I’m Watching: Channel 5 News
What I’m Listening as I write this: Angel of Retribution
What I’m Recommending: Not trying to fool me with low gas prices on a holiday weekend; I know you will keep them artificially high forever, Axis of Evil
Stay away from: Vegetarians


*Actually I’m a paranoid with low-self esteem. I don’t think anybody important is out to get me.