Well this stupid site hasn’t changed the world yet – still going to hell in a handbasket, wouldn’t you agree?
On the first day of the 20th Century, the average life expectancy was 47. On the last day of the century, it was 77. Like I’ve been telling you: too many people living way too long. Where’s the Black Plague when you need it?
Did you hear about the debate going on to abolish the practice of giving students preferential treatment when applying to a college their family attended and support financially? This came about when race-based admission polices came under fire, and now many alumni are upset their offspring cannot attend a favored University.
But guess who has spoken out AGAINST allowing schools to fast track children of wealthy patrons? George W. Bush!!!! The man who wouldn’t even have a college degree, much less one from Yale! And the policy got his party-princess daughter Barbara in there too!!! I am disgusted by the hypocrisy and you should be too. If that’s what Yale turns out, I’m just as glad I didn’t go. I was very unimpressed by the Bush daughters’ introductions at the Republican Convention. At age 6, I could have given a fire and brimstone stump speech for my daddy, not the giggling dead air time those two produced. And if my father started a war, I’d be out fighting it, not looking for a college deferment. I’d have asked for my own fighter pilot squadron and gone and bombed something just to get a few medals. I’d also want to keep any land I won. 19 is not too young for an ambassadorship or political appointment of some sort. The Bushes have a long history of having their own oil rigs, why should the girls be any different?
So – following the story of the runaway bride? The gal who got cold feet before her 14-attendant, 600 guest wedding in Georgia and hopped a bus after cutting her hair off to escape identification? The groom says he still wants to marry her. Now do you see why she wanted out? She might be charged with making false kidnap claims which resulted in a $60,000 search. I say just make her reimburse the 14 bridesmaids for those dresses, which we all know they will ‘wear again’.
Have you ever looked at Pet Rocks, or bottled drinking water and said, why didn’t I think of that? It’s amazing what people will pay good money for, and I think I’m finally on to something that might just work….a string of Gourmet Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich restaurants.
Imagine going into a swanky sit-down eatery (with a reservation of course) complete with white tablecloths and a haughty Maitre d’. You open the leather-bound menu to find a selection of exquisite breads on one page, exotic Jams, Marmalades and Jellies on another, and finally a page of nut butters: Hazelnut, Peanut, Macadamia! You tell the tuxedoed waiter what combination you would like and he asks, “Would you like the crusts removed, sir?” while raising one eyebrow. Then he suggests an imported Merlot to bring out the berries in your selection…
There would be side dishes of Potato Chip choices from around the world and a budget entrée of JTC. That’s ‘just the crusts’. Didn’t want you to think we were wastefully throwing those out. Oreos for desert. Double Stuff available upon request.
The genius of this plan is its simplicity. If the chef calls in sick, even I could keep the kitchen open. Prices would be outrageous, that’s how everyone would know it was good. It would be hailed as a return to the innocence of youth. Let’s face it, I’m getting rich on toddler food. Ha! We’d get review attention (The Wonder Bread was soft and yielding…the extra chunky danced on my palate) and lots of press.
Check Please from Channel 11 would do a whole segment on us. “As a school teacher, I thought the $148 tab for two was pricey, but I’m sure my students would have loved it! It was authentic down to the little milk carton with a straw. I even got my leftovers to go in a plain brown sack. I can’t wait to go back!”
What I’m Reading: Newspapers
What I’m Watching: borrowed DVDs
What I’m Recommending: Investment in my Restaurant, Pretentious Butter and Jelly
Stay away from: Dinner With a Perfect Stranger by David Gregory
1 comment:
The Black Plague probably won't do you any good, because it is easily curable with antibiotics and good hygiene. Now a flu pandemic like they had in 1918 is the way to go. The world population at that time was approx 1.5 billion, and 40 million people died, somewhere around 3% of the total world population. The flu is easily transmittable and would be hard to quarantine. Also you will be helped by last years debacle with the flu vaccine, hardly anyone got a shot, and there weren't people dying... the public is not suspicious.
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