Snakes on a Trail!

Snake on a Saturn!

I wish I could find a link to the great Reptiles magazine article about the new internet/movie sensation (ok, overhyped flop) Snakes on a Plane. It answered the question “what snakes were used” in the making of the movie and had lots of other fun tidbits, like how Jackson’s agent wouldn’t let him come in any contact with the snakes. Fire that agent! I love snakes. For anyone who can obtain a September 2006 edition of the magazine, it’s worth a look. Most snakes used were corn, rat, milk, king and garter snakes. Also filmed were an albino cobra, diamondback rattlesnake and some pythons. Nearly 500 in all. Rubber snakes were used as ‘stunt doubles’ to be stamped on and killed, and computer generated snakes used for special effects.

While rollerblading Sunday, I saw a little garter snake sunning himself on the trail. I moved him off the pavement, as he was sure to be run over by a bicycle. I know he probably crawled right back on the trail after I left, but the thought was there. I caught a whiff of ‘cricket’ smell as I released him in the tall grass, and I’m guessing that was the diet of a baby snake.

Nice time to find out those Wet Naps I carry had turned to dry crusty fossils in my fanny pack. They can put a man on the moon (or so they say…) but they can’t make a moist towelette that keeps? Great. So now I’m spilling my last precious drops of Evian on the desiccated wipe in the hopes of reconstituting ‘lemony freshness’. I didn’t even get Lemony Snicket. At the next rest stop I dumped the useless wipes and empty water bottle.

Back in the day, I used to keep the water bottle and refill it. Even ran it through the dishwasher! Then filled it 1/3 and froze it! Yep. Amazing I’m still here to type this. Then someone clued me in as to how those bottles would dissipate carcinogens after being heated and reused. Yummy. Any good I was doing my body by exercising was being negated by the deadly plastic toxin molecules.

Now, before I get thousands of rebuttals saying plastic drinking bottles are safe,* I just want to point out how every manufacturer on earth pays lobbyists millions of dollars to make sure pregnant women eat tuna and nuclear power continues to collide near you. In fact, there’s a big case in my area where a cluster of rare brain tumors are being linked to some manufactures who illegally polluted. Even the county health department helped cover it up. Will they admit it? Of course not. Will the victims win? Of course not. The companies are telling them: Brain Cancer? It’s all in your head! When their corporate lawyers are done, the victims will have a judgment against them for libel. If any are still alive by the time this gets to a judge.

Yes, it’s a crap shoot as to what exactly is going to kill you. The bottom line is mankind has poisoned the Earth, and in our infinite and ongoing wisdom we are not long for this planet. Let’s just hope we get wiped out before we colonize any other innocent satellites.

Cheaper by the Dozen?

Speaking of satellites… Love the news coming out of the seven-member “planet definition committee” of the International Astronomical Union meeting in Paris last month. They debated the question: how many planets are in our solar system? It took them about a day and half to agree on the definition of a planet and categorize them. Wow! Can we hire these guys to bring peace to the Middle East? Chair the next big project at work? A day and a half, and they decide the fate of the solar system? Cool! Bet they even had time for some Uranus jokes.

Ok, so it’s not a done deal. A vote by astronomers around the world is needed Aug 24 in Prague. By then, we should have charges the Russian voter was bribed, the English astronomer was just voting however the American astronomer voted, and the other planets will refuse to recognize Charon’s right to exist.

Makes me wonder how the weather on 2003 UB is this time of orbit.

*yes, I read snopes. I still think lots of things are covered up.