Now, intellectually I know there is a cable TV channel devoted to absolutely everything, but for some reason I was still surprised to learn that there’s an all-golf network. My in-laws are avid golfers. Make that rabid golfers. These lucky retirees have the means to commute between Illinois and Texas in order to golf year round. I don’t mean it’s a hobby. I mean every day. Every. Single. Day. So it comes as no shock that they are equally committed to following their favorite golfers on TV. I just figured they watched the network telecasts on the weekends. No. Turns out they have a golf channel. Golf 24/7? C’mon! Now if they wanted really good golf programming, they’d set up hidden cameras at a public golf course and do a blooper show…Or at least an under water cam…No, wait, the “desert storm” cam in the bunker!
I don’t care to play golf. I care even less to watch it. So of course, the first thing out of my mouth is, “Can we switch over to the Paint Drying channel?”
Bob Villa, in that ‘golf announcer’ whisper: “Now,
Ted, he’s going to do a coat of latex on the knotty pine. You’ll notice right
away how fast that Eggshell White sets up…Oooh! (Groans and gasps from the
galley) A bubble!”*
Promo Voice Over: And don’t forget later
tonight, Celebrity Stripping! Pamela Anderson takes a heat gun to peeling
wrought-iron furniture at eleven!
*Amazing. I wrote this before searching for the photo, and found it right away! But I still can't find a link between Saddam Hussein and al Quaeda. Hmm.
1 comment:
If you want REALLY BAD golfer footage, you need to come to our house. Our back yard is on the tee of the 11th hole of a public golf course. We have a fence and tall bushes, so we don't see them and they don't see us, but we hear bad shots all the time. It takes a really terrible shot to hook a (extremely) sharp left into our backyard. My favorite thing to do when the ball hits the fence or bushes is to yell out "OUCH" as loud as I can. The golfers, who up until then are laughing and talking, suddenly get kind of quiet, get in their little cart and head out of there. The benefit of the terrible golfers is that our dogs love to play with the golf balls that accumulate in our back yard. So far (knock on wood), the golf balls have not broken anything or actually hit any living thing in our backyard. That will probably happen one day, but hopefully it will just break something.
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