24 – Give or Take

“When the going gets tough, the tough get blogging.”
Christopher Buckley

Sooooo sorry to have been gone so long! Brimming with ideas, just a lack of typing time/ambition. So let’s get started!!

As I may have mentioned a few hundred thousand times, my husband Al is a Procrastinating Perfectionist. Everything must be done just right. At the very last minute.

Oddly enough, his favorite TV show is “24”. Must be the same reason I watched “Friends”. No way was I ever going to be that attractive or popular, so might as well live vicariously through someone else. Someone getting a million dollars an episode, no less.

I can’t help but envision what would happen if Al were called upon to save the world in a mere 24 hours.

(Voiceover) The following takes place between 6 and 9 a.m. ….
(Dink, Dink, Dink)

Al: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…..

Ok. So he’s not a morning person.

(Voiceover) The following takes place between 9 and 10 a.m. ….
(Dink, Dink, Dink)

(Sound of shower running)

(Voiceover) The following takes place between 10 and 11 a.m. ….
(Dink, Dink, Dink)

Al: Are we out of bacon?
Me: You need to save the world! The terrorists have the President! The First Lady is trapped in a ravine! Tony Blair was calling your cell phone the whole time you were in the shower!
Al: Yeah, justaminute. Do we have anymore bacon?
Me: Yes.
Al: Where?
Me: Don’t make me open the fridge.
Al: Do you have to make a federal case out of everything?
Me: There won’t be a federation of states left if you don’t act!
Al: I’ve got thirteen hours! Would you relax? (spying the morning paper from across the room, upside down from him) Oooh! A Jumble.
Me: Your nemesis has a dirty bomb!
Al: Dirty Blonde? You mean your friend Ashley? Is maxim a word?

Yep. We’re doomed.

Now of course, Al thinks I could do no better…

(Voiceover) The following takes place between 6 and 7 a.m.
(Dink, Dink, Dink)

Al: You need to save the world! The terrorists have the President! The First Lady is trapped in a ravine! Tony Blair was calling your cell phone the whole time you were in the shower!
Me: You realize the only reason I’m getting out of bed is the thought of the Vice President ascending to the post.
Al: Hurry!
Me: I’m not saving anybody with hair like this. There will be reporters, cameras…

(Voiceover) The following takes place between 7 and 8 a.m.
(Dink, Dink, Dink)

Me: Ok, does the navy blue pantsuit with the spectator pumps say “I’m here to save the day”, or should I go with the red “La Femme Nikita” silk dress? Is this purse too “Kill Bill”?
Al: Why are you asking me? I’m an engineer!!
Me: Yeah. Good point. (spying the morning paper from across the room, upside down) Oooh! Lingerie sale at Watertower.
Al: Your nemesis has a dirty bomb!
Me: The fiend! Can I borrow your truck? Do we still have some of that Weed N’ Feed left?
Al: Why?
Me: Oh, like I’d scratch one of my cars…

Yep. We’re doomed.