Write Me In

Think I know why I’m not writing anything…I’ve been unnerved by reading Bitter is the New Black, and now I feel anything I post won’t be infinitesimally as good as the Jennslyvania blog. As soon as I get past this bizarre ‘stage fright’ or what ever it is, I’ll be fine. But for now, no big issues or even story-arc posts.


(Well, maybe one little comment – I hear a Super Wal-Mart is coming soon. Why on earth we need yet another one in the area – there’s one being built a mere 8 miles away and the next closest is about 22 miles away – is beyond me. Except for the fact that Wal-Mart is hell bent on total world domination, and will succeed in making us all slaves. I guess that’s as good a reason as any to put one in every town in America. Walmerica. As with any evil entity, I have to stand back and admire their awful success. Their methods, although heinous, are at heart very smart and simplistic. Of course I’m jealous I didn’t start the chain, who wouldn’t be? But as the one who has to watch Wal-ing of civilization, it grates.)

Did my civic duty and voted. Born in Chicago, I’m entitled to Vote Early and Vote Often! But I restrained myself. Nothing like staring at a ballot full of uncontested races and ‘No Candidates’. As I’ve often said before, it’s just so disgusting that people like myself who don’t have money are too busy working several jobs to run for meaningful offices. This leaves things like congressman and mayor to those who are already wealthy from family connections, insider deals and shady business transactions. Only they can afford to take these jobs and meddle further with my life while fattening their pocketbook.

Saw an article in the paper about Burn Fat Without Trying. It was a little health missive about how daily chores can burn calories.

Among the pursuits listed: Cleaning Rain Gutters: 340 calories. Ok. Household chore I could feasibly find myself doing. More like Watch Husband Clean Rain Gutters: 24 calories. Laughing as cat climbs ladder to explore roof and husband almost falls trying to capture him: 58.

Accordion playing: 122 calories. Who plays the accordion? I’d be glad to expend twice that to get them to stop.

Shoveling coal: 476 calories. Well, here’s another I’ll encounter in daily (after) life. Turning on gas fireplace: 2 calories.

Washing the dog: 238 calories. Is that you or the dog? How about Washing the Cat: 435 calories. Trip to ER for stitches: 132 calories.

Ad came in the Sunday paper for shoes. What’s up with that? That’s like mailing out little vials of crack on the theory that someone on the block will get addicted. Great way to drum up business.

So there’s this page in the paper: H NGER on a white background. Beneath in smaller letters is the phrase, “ The problem can’t be solved without you.” Oh. So that’s it. Put a U in for hunger. I was trying to put an A in for hanger. Figured it was an ad for spring clothes or something. Don’t forget the hangers for all your new outfits! Made sense to me. I could use some more padded hangers.

What to say about this last one? Did you hear about the 49-year-old woman who was arrested for DUI? Seems she was doing a few shots with Chico, her Chihuahua, before going to the local elementary school to pick up her son. Oh, and she had her other 3-year-old in the car with her at the time. Not surprisingly, she was arrested again for the same offence only a few days later. Do I even need a punch line here? Just wish there were photos...*

*The really scary thing is a Google Image search for "drunk Chihuahua" yields hits