Silence of the Germs

Fighting Global Warming?

Whew! Blogger was down last night so I had to post early this morning. If that sounds like I’m bitching about a free service, you’re right. So what’s your point?

Attended the author signing in Oak Brook and had a wonderful time. Many great stores nearby! Next time I’ll make a day of it. Louise went with me and we arrived twenty minutes early and grabbed some seats in the front row. There was a young gal who looked like she was doing homework in the opposite corner of the last row. As we browsed another young woman took a seat. Yep. That was it. Packed house of four. One of them was a homeless person who just wanted a place to sit and get warm. Later, a woman who blogs and wants to be published joined in. Hey, that was my gig!

As expected, Wendy and Jen were very personable and enjoyed talking about their books. They did some selected readings and then took questions as shoppers milled around. I can’t help but wonder if Margaret Atwood gets 500 How Do I Get an Agent? questions. I did feel kind of bad no one was asking about metaphors or story arc, but perhaps memoir just doesn’t lend itself to such analysis. As nothing in either book seemed improbable or outrageous there wasn’t a lot of Frey-esqe grilling. It’s amazing to think agents approached them on the quality of their writing.

They were polite enough to pose for pictures afterwards as well, so they can join my Hall of Shame (authors unfortunate enough to be in a photo with me) that includes Christopher Paul Curtis and Mark O’Shea. (Near Misses: Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson and Amy Tan. Apparently they have Staff to keep souvenir hunters away.)

Although my writing may not be to that level, I do think a hook is the defining factor. Wendy wrote of weight loss, Jen of unemployment. My big theme? Development. The loss of farmland and open spaces to sprawl. How trees are slaughtered for Wal-Mart parking lots and the notion that Change is coming and you can’t stop it. I’m not the only voice crying in the once wilderness. But I am the most sardonic! More on this as I get serious about branding my blog. I don’t know if changing the url will be needed, but I’ll keep you posted.

In other news:

Am I the only one who thinks the only way for justice to be served is for Gov. George Ryan to get the death penalty? I’m so sick of some people trying to paint him as this big saint who is a hero for the anti-death penalty cause. It’s disgusting. His move was A) political and B) forced, as the evidence of wrongdoing in the convictions was so strong. Quit making him into Mother Teresa. And don’t get me started on her, either!

Have you heard about Bag Borrow or Steal? It’s Netflicks for party chicks. The premise is that for a monthly fee members can rent high-end designer purses. We’re talking $1800 Louis Vuitton and Fendi totes and handbags. Beginning at $19.95 a month, you can request a bag, have it shipped to your house and use it all you like. When you’re ready for a change, mail it back ($9.95, and there’s additional fees for insurance) and get the next one. Lisa and I sat down at work and tried to figure this out. It would take a good $1800 a year to use the program. Now, who exactly would I be showing off for? Coworkers? Get real. I live on the prairie. Styles take ten years to make their way to the Midwest. Who in the cubicle down the row would recognize Prada if it bit them? Well, other than Lisa, no one, that’s for sure. Oh! I know. I could take Chico the Drunken Chihuahua about town in one! If I was cool enough to be invited to a party where a designer handbag would be appreciated, I’d be rich enough to buy a closetful. Although I must admit the whole idea has me thinking of founding…

SixShoes.com

Have a special event coming up? Have you the cutest outfit, like ever? But, like no shoes? Bummer! Well, like, if you’re a size six, your worries are so over. Just come to SixShoes.com and email us a photo of that special ensemble. Magically overnighted to your door will be the perfect size six shoes for that outfit, guaranteed!*

Gosh, here I am wondering why U. S. Highway 173 is a skating rink (this has been the mildest winter on record, yet Route 173 is more dangerous than the Donner Pass every time it dips below freezing. There are even studies being done to see if certain curves are ‘engineered incorrectly’. No, you idiots, it’s called Plowing and Salting. Try it.) when the answer appears on the front page of the Chicago Tribune today. Seems ol’ IDOT paid some $500, 000 to advertising agencies to get the word out that the Dan Ryan Expressway project starts Friday. Hey! Lookie there! I just mentioned it! On my blog! I’m sending them a bill!! Among the suspicious charges is $25 K for imaginary t-shirts and pens. Oh, that blog mention has to be worth… oh, about a mere $1800 or so. You know, rental Chloe purses for a year.

Confidential Message to Mr. Right: No, it is NOT too much to ask that you get sick by appointment only. If you really loved me, you’d fly me to Italy to see the real ruins of Pompeii. Stopping off in Maranello, of course.

*Offer Not Available in Philippines