Cicada-less in Chicago

Yum!

As noted earlier, I’ve been disappointed there are no cicadas in our yard, since they would make a tasty and nutritious treat for my reptiles. A mere twenty miles away they have a presence, and even further south east they’re a downright nuisance. So imagine my delight when one flew into my car…

I was at a stoplight not far from work, windows down and sun roof open, enjoying the summer evening drive home. I heard this fluttering noise, and looked in the rear view mirror. A cicada had flown into the car, and was bumping against the back window in an effort to escape. Score! At least one bearded dragon would have dinner.

I rolled up the windows, switched to AC and headed for home. Glancing again at the mirror, I lost sight of it…uh oh.

Suddenly the experience turned into a B horror-flick. I heard the rustling of wings every few minutes, making my skin to crawl. Next, I involuntarily twitched while imagining it fluttering into my face, causing a deadly traffic accident. One that only the ‘days to live’ bug survived. It would come crawling out of my mouth in a grotesque Silence of the Lambs parody as the paramedics extricated me from the wreckage …

The only thing worse? Not hearing it. That meant it must be crawling in my hair. Or feasting on my leather upholstery. Something sinister, I was positive.

Amazingly, I arrived home in one piece and looked for the cicada. And looked. And looked…

Finally I spotted it clinging to the underside of a seatbelt and hauled it inside for certain death at the jaws of the least-lazy lizard. I threw the victim into the coliseum of ravenous reptiles -- but not before grabbing a camera.

No one ever asks dog or cat owners, why do you like mammals? I mean, ‘hunting companion’ or ‘cuddly’ is pretty self-evident. Most reptile owners always talk about how they love to see their pet eat. I could care less about the pie-eating contest at the local fair, but give me a mouse and a snake and suddenly it’s, “Where’s the camcorder? Stanley, call the grandkids, the python is hungry!”

Anyhoo…

Puffy was the first to investigate, and got the prize. The behemoth invertebrate was no match for the needle sharp dragon teeth and was promptly crushed to bits.

Next: Ewwwww!!!! All that from one bug??? Gack!