Getting a Life One Post at a Time

Ever Notice

Why do domestic pets think puddle water is a gourmet delicacy? It’s as if they want worms…

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

If I put a chicken coop in the back yard, will people stay away in fear due to Avian Flu? Exactly how many chickens would I need? Also, can I interest you in some fresh eggs?

Lard Doesn’t Smell Nice, But I Bet it Works

Why can they put a man on the moon, but can’t make a scented hand cream that doesn’t dry your hands out? How much alcohol is in fragrance anyway? Must be a lot. What about essential oils? Do they feel dry after a while as well?

That Sinking Feeling

How many sinking ship movies do we need? Titanic III – Global Warming! Tink. A tiny cube hits the bow... (product placement: Sanka)

Still Wondering

Is making your own gas illegal? What if it’s just for personal use?

Clean Conversation

Wonder what the Homeland Security worker listening to my call thought yesterday as they caught this snippet…Hello. Yes, I’m glad you called. No, I was going - Splooop!
Yep. Dropped my cell phone into a bucket of bleach water I was using to disinfect the bathroom. I now have the cleanest phone anywhere. Hats off to the crew at Samsung for creating such an indestructible product. I just kept pushing the buttons to squeeze the water out and it seems ok. The display had that hazy condensation around the perimeter, but it seems to be fading.

Fashionista Crepidam

If I opened a magically addictive shoe store in Harry Potter’s fictitious Diagon-alley, would I be spoken of in hushed tones as She Who Must Be Well-Shod?


Wildlife Gone Wilder - or - As If You Needed an Excuse Not to Exercise

Trappers hunt alligator suspected of killing jogger

Associated Press
Published May 13, 2006

SUNRISE, Fla. -- Trappers using pig lungs as bait scoured canals and other areas Friday as they tried to find an alligator that killed a woman out for a jog. Are a jogger’s lungs well-developed to the point of resembling a pig’s? What made that good bait?

Yovy Suarez Jimenez's dismembered body was found in a canal Wednesday. The 28-year-old resident had left Tuesday night and did not return. Was she going out for an alligator handbag and matching shoes?

Dr. Joshua Perper, Broward County's medical examiner, concluded Thursday that "the alligator attacked the woman while she was on land" and then dragged her body into a canal. Who recreated that scenario? What led to that conclusion?

He added that she "died of traumatic injuries sustained by an alligator attack." You’re sure it wasn’t a flock of flamingos gone bad?

Suarez's mother told WFOR-TV she last spoke to her daughter by phone Tuesday night when she was sitting under a bridge by a canal. Not the dock of the bay?

Witnesses saw a woman matching Suarez's description dangling her feet over the water's edge, but no one saw an attack, said a spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Ever see a great white shark jump? Wonder if the alligator leapt straight up? They lie really still and then…

Authorities killed two alligators but determined they did not kill Jimenez. Innocent blood spilled!! One had only tennis balls and a football in its stomach, said a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokeswoman. Were there any missing tennis players lately? Poor thing had a stomach ache, I’m sure.

Suarez's death is the 18th confirmed fatal alligator attack in Florida since 1948. In an unrelated story: the homeless population has been declining steadily thanks to the efforts of the Tourism Board/Association of Alligator Farms of Florida.