Blogging into Another Week

Bad Bambi

Seems Florida residents are uptight about the rash of alligator attacks, but as this article points out, deer are the real threat to humans... Plus, they carry deer ticks. Do your part. Eat venison!

Many innocent alligators are being killed as a result of the hysteria. Again, it points out how humans are to blame for their own behavior, says the woman with half a raw chicken in her purse. Aw, come on, you know the little ones are cute.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to suspend disbelief

Saw Mission Impossible III. Stupid, tired plot. No surprises, very formula. Ok for an escapist few hours, nothing spectacular. The image of Auto Abuse was a bit disturbing, however. I’d like to see the Da Vinci Code, despite the horrible reviews. One of my favorite trashings stated Monty Python’s Holy Grail was “more historically accurate”. That’s funny, but what I don’t get is why something like MI3 or James Bond doesn’t get reviewed as “technically ludicrous” or “defies laws of physics”. Why aren’t there law enforcement agencies decrying the portrayal of secret agents? No, we’ve got religious fanatics whining about the possibility of Jesus being married. Who said anything about married? Maybe he had a bunch of kids out of wedlock.

Government Plot

So let me get this straight: the President makes a speech about the need to tighten borders and clamp down on illegal aliens, and less than a week later a little old lady is killed by someone who most likely doesn’t have legal status, scaring a huge block of senior voters… Hmmm. Coincidence? I think not. Enjoyed this viewpoint.

Dear Charlotte

To the spider I squished in the bathroom this morning: If I can see you from eight feet away without corrective lenses, this house isn’t big enough for the both of us. Sorry.

Vacation Plans

We’ve been trying to decide what to do for vacation this year, but with the high cost of gas I hesitate to plan any cross-country extravaganzas. As I said to Mr. Right, let’s start the procrastination and argument part of the vacation right now. Procrastinate as in let’s not have any plans so hotels are sure to be sold out (ever sleep in an old Corvette? Can’t be done. The steering wheel is huge and the seats don’t recline.) and argument as in let’s blame each other for why we never (fill in the blank: go abroad, visit a particular city, take a vacation that doesn’t involve driving, go three days without wanting to kill each other)

I sat down and thought about the kinds of things I wanted to do: relax, spend quality time with my car, and enjoy nature. That’s when it hit me – I needed a specialty vacation. There are vacations for people who want to unwind at a spa, mountain climb, scuba dive, whatever. I’ve even seen places where you can vacation with your dog. It’s like a summer camp you attend with your four-legged friend. Why not a resort for me and my four-wheeled friend?

Americans are in love with their cars, so why don’t I open a vacation destination for drivers? A spa out in the desert somewhere, accessed by long twisty mountain roads! (With no speed limits!) While you get a hot stone massage, your car is being detailed! There’s a road track behind the four-star hotel where you and your car can refine your skills and learn to work as a team. A rocky patch to the south lets the off-road enthusiasts enjoy their four-wheel drives. Complete with mud pit! A full service resort with golf course and tuner’s shop. After a few laps you might want to modify your ride (at extra cost, of course). Who’s with me on this? I’m looking for investors.

Smells Like Preschool Spirit

Play-Doh has released a fragrance to celebrate its 50th anniversary. Now who exactly wants to smell like Play-Doh? Women say they are tired of men who act like little boys, so why would they specifically try and attract that demographic? Now when they come out with a perfume that smells like fresh permanent marker, call me.

But Does Paris Hilton Have One?

Far be it from me to invoke the name of PETA, but after reading this article on live roaches as brooches, I really have to wonder if “the cockroaches aren’t hurt”. A glue gun to the head? Naw, can’t hurt. And yes, the only reason I don’t have one is the price. But I do have a glue gun…

How to Pick a Pup

Take scrap sample of your carpet to the local pound. Use color swatch to match the appropriately colored pooch. Adopt. Take my word for it, says Black Dog White Carpet Owner.

No Joy in Mudville Maryland

Yes, I bet against Barbaro in the Preakness, but was absolutely aghast at the tragedy that befell him. Another sad day for racing and horse lovers everywhere. Sadly, he’s not out of the woods yet.

Crosstown Uppercut

As Mr. Right observed: That’s the closest Chicago will come to a hockey playoff game this season…