Blog Time

Hey, readers!

Greatest (Weather) January Ever, Day 15!!








Here's someone who knows a few things about Satan

Long time no post! It’s been a mess here, with Mr. Right taking an online course and monopolizing the computer. I mean, I could write without an internet connection, but then I would still need to research and create links before making a final post, and I haven’t tried that yet. So for now, my only post day is Sunday. Sorry. I will try harder in the future.

As I may have mentioned, Mr. All Questions Absolutely Right obsesses over every test, quiz, grade, teacher feedback, etc. Why he wants a double major in CIS and Business Management (with a minor in Overachieving) is beyond me. He agonizes over each and every assignment and is devastated when he fails to get 100%.

Reminds me of the line in the third book of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban about the Bogarts. A Bogart takes the form of the thing you are most afraid of, and Ron teases Hermione, “What would it look like for you? A test paper with only 9 out of 10 right?’

I just love it when he argues the instructor is wrong. My pleas of ‘Why don’t you just become a professor yourself?’ go unanswered. Right now he’s agonizing over his first ‘discussion board’ score. It’s a low B!!! Horrors! I said perhaps the instructor wants you to aim higher, you know, give out a low grade to start. Mr. A+++ didn’t want to hear it. Do they give out Valedictorians in Anal Retentiveness? Whatever.

Let’s see. I need to mention so many things! Did you hear about the stampede in Saudi Arabia where some 345 people were trampled to death making a pilgrimage known as the stoning of the devil ritual? All they need to do in order to prevent future tragedies is put up a few signs along the way to the pillars. Something along the lines of the children’s game Simon Says. You know, like: Allah Says No Pushing! Allah Says Stay on the Ramp! Declare Jihad!... Oh, I didn’t say Allah Says!! George W. Bush would solve this by posting a sign that says Satan Wins if you Push. Oh, that would work. Not.

Perhaps you’ve heard about Governor Rod Blagojevich’s suggestion we add Keno to legalized gambling in Illinois. This from the same brilliant mind who gave money to rebuild a church, a clear violation of the separation of church and state, but I digress. I think it’s a stupid idea. The amount of money spent on gamboling is pretty finite in most cases, and I think Keno would bring little in the way of new dollars at best. Now I’ve been to Vegas enough times to know that it is extremely tempting to play a few rounds of Keno while waiting for your meal in a restaurant. It’s only a few dollars and very convenient. The odds are horrible, but so are the odds for the lotto. It’s just the ease. I didn’t have to walk into a gas station (love that pay-at-the pump) or remember while at the grocery store. (Heck, when I’m at the grocery store I’m taking a huge gamble with my life in the canned tuna section, why waste another dollar?) Still, Social Security checks are shrinking, so even addicted gamblers will just end up dividing their dollars between the options.

What is needed is a new game that would tempt people like myself – not really interested in gambling, but a bit of an armchair quarterback - into betting. How better than by betting on Illinois politics? Handicap every public figure and post odds on a big tote board in front of the capitol. Chances of the Secretary of State being indicted on fraud? 5 to 7. Odds of the Governor being recalled? 2 to 1. Odds of Betty Maltese being released early? 14 to 1. Chances of Tollways ever becoming freeways as they were promised: 15 billion to one. Odds that Lotto money will ever make education self-sustaining: 32 trillion to .5. Chances of Lincoln spinning in his grave? Even money.

I keep hearing that since the advent of Quincy, many young people desire to go into the field of forensics. A flip through the channels yields tons of shows like CSI using science to solve crimes. Why not a survivor-type reality show that uncovers the dirty dealings that college students fall prey to as they compete for an ever-increasingly-difficult-to-obtain spot in crime solving and forensic schools? They could be killing each other for the prized slots, and using their knowledge to cover up their heinous deeds. Kane Citizen suggested the title “Stiff Competition”. I’m leaning towards Dying for Acceptance.

This brings up a good question: should couples watch shows like The Staircase? Is it just asking for trouble to let your spouse see how not to make common mistakes when killing your mate? Mr. Right and I have already had that little talk. All I have to say is, if Bucky ever falls of the mantle and impales me to death causing an ocean of blood over everything except the Ugly Couch, I want you to re-open that investigation! It was no accident!!

On the heels of the announcement that doctors admit most cough remedies sold over the counter don’t work, and they don’t care enough to address it (this could go either way: doctors could act as patient advocates and push for research to see if the over-the counter stuff could even be harmful, or they could just do a big self-serving ad campaign called See Your Doctor for The Good Stuff) comes a new law restricting the sale of certain decongestants. Seems many pseudoephedrine-based cold pills can be melted down to make meth. In order to purchase the pills, you must now go to the pharmacy counter (this restricts sale hours) where they are locked up. You must then produce ID and sign for the pills. Oh, great. Now Big Brother knows just how drippy my nose is. Stop the insanity! You want to regulate things that can be used in a harmful fashion but have legitimate medicinal purposes for innocent sufferers? Fine. Then legalize marijuana. Some cancer patients really need it, and the efficacy of pills is not the same.

Headline in the Business Section: Can the Camaro concept save GM? Excuse me? How about firing the idiots who cancelled it in the first place? GM is moments away from bankruptcy. Should I order a new Corvette now? What if…

Front Page Headline: Nation’s Phones Tapped Government analyzing massive amount of calls, e-mail traffic. Who does George W. Bush think he is? My employer? I'd love to look into my file to see my 'ties with Al Quaeda. Yeah. Right. I thought so.