Actual Conversation at the Getalife Household

The scene: darkened living room, lit by glow of an obnoxiously sized hi-def TV. AL lies sprawled on couch, box of tissue and meticulously completed (in black ink, no smudges or hash marks) Sudoku by his side.

Me: How are you?

Al: I don't feel well.

Me: Do you have flu symptoms?

Al: What are flu symptoms?

Me: (incredulous) You know, fever, chills, aches... Oinking...