“I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don’t require as much cooking.”
Carrie Snow
Carrie Snow
That pretty much sums up my whole Thanksgiving experience. Let’s see now; I despise cooking, and hate company. Yep, I just LOVE the holidays and the ensuing pressure to participate in both cooking and entertaining, or even ‘visiting’.
Good waste of blogging time, I tell you.
(Artist's Rendition: My meal looked nothing like this)
Anyhoo, I decided to try this recipe I found in one of those newspaper magazines: “Turkey Mercedes”. Hey, it’s named after a car. Not many dishes you can say that about. Obviously, my interest was piqued. Uh, oh. It requires an ingredient I don’t have. Usually my cardinal rule is if it takes more than three ingredients, one of which I do not possess or am unable to pronounce, I don’t attempt the dish. Anything more complex than “Microwave on high turning once” is deemed beyond my skill set. When my mother asked what she could bring, I suggested a sack lunch, ok? My cooking skills are that bad.
Feeling feckless, I forged ahead. I’m sure cumin does something (like keep your blood from clotting, right?) and would be at my local grocery store. It was and it wasn’t. I mean, it was on the shelf, but only in a premium brand in a glass jar. I’m the type of person who buys my groceries at the dollar store as much as possible. Al keeps saying I’m trying to kill him because all the salad dressing is expired. Now I must admit, I didn’t check the expiration date in my excitement of seeing faux French dressing for only a dollar. Besides, nothing happened. (…Yet. Bet those prions are just getting stirred up…)
Bought the entire $3.79 bottle of spice and hoped I could find some anecdotal evidence it caused weight loss or an increase in horsepower when added to your gas tank – anything to get me to use the rest of it up in the next two years. Most of my spices are older than my pets. I keep the flour in the freezer to keep it from going wormy between “I feel like baking” intervals.
So as per instructions, I prepped the bird the night before by making the marinade that included orange juice concentrate, white wine and garlic. It took almost 40 minutes to peel all the garlic, poke little slits in the turkey, pour over the marinade and stuff the little slits with garlic slivers. WAY too much time and effort. This resembled real cooking much too much. And for what? Garlicky turkey? Could have shaken some garlic powder over the finished product for that. Oh, well. Live and learn.
Al raved about my stuffing, my dad loved my rice pudding and mom said I looked slim. Guess they’re all invited back for Christmas. Christmas Cold Cuts. That has a nice ring to it…
Best part of being a lousy cook? The day after Thanksgiving I was able to zip my ‘skinny jeans’. Priceless.
(Artist's Rendition: My meal looked nothing like this)Anyhoo, I decided to try this recipe I found in one of those newspaper magazines: “Turkey Mercedes”. Hey, it’s named after a car. Not many dishes you can say that about. Obviously, my interest was piqued. Uh, oh. It requires an ingredient I don’t have. Usually my cardinal rule is if it takes more than three ingredients, one of which I do not possess or am unable to pronounce, I don’t attempt the dish. Anything more complex than “Microwave on high turning once” is deemed beyond my skill set. When my mother asked what she could bring, I suggested a sack lunch, ok? My cooking skills are that bad.
Feeling feckless, I forged ahead. I’m sure cumin does something (like keep your blood from clotting, right?) and would be at my local grocery store. It was and it wasn’t. I mean, it was on the shelf, but only in a premium brand in a glass jar. I’m the type of person who buys my groceries at the dollar store as much as possible. Al keeps saying I’m trying to kill him because all the salad dressing is expired. Now I must admit, I didn’t check the expiration date in my excitement of seeing faux French dressing for only a dollar. Besides, nothing happened. (…Yet. Bet those prions are just getting stirred up…)
Bought the entire $3.79 bottle of spice and hoped I could find some anecdotal evidence it caused weight loss or an increase in horsepower when added to your gas tank – anything to get me to use the rest of it up in the next two years. Most of my spices are older than my pets. I keep the flour in the freezer to keep it from going wormy between “I feel like baking” intervals.
So as per instructions, I prepped the bird the night before by making the marinade that included orange juice concentrate, white wine and garlic. It took almost 40 minutes to peel all the garlic, poke little slits in the turkey, pour over the marinade and stuff the little slits with garlic slivers. WAY too much time and effort. This resembled real cooking much too much. And for what? Garlicky turkey? Could have shaken some garlic powder over the finished product for that. Oh, well. Live and learn.
Al raved about my stuffing, my dad loved my rice pudding and mom said I looked slim. Guess they’re all invited back for Christmas. Christmas Cold Cuts. That has a nice ring to it…
Best part of being a lousy cook? The day after Thanksgiving I was able to zip my ‘skinny jeans’. Priceless.
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