Objects in Mirror Will Never Overtake
I saw it at the local Dodge dealership tonight. Planned on looking at something practical. You know, a Neon or a Stratus. But there it was. The new Dodge Charger Daytona R/T.
Beckoning me over with a twitch of its 18 inch glossy black tire, I was blinded as if a shaft of light burst forth from the heavens and illuminated its burnt orange exterior. A commanding voice (would James Earl Jones do car commercials?) bellowed: This Is The Car You Are Seeking.
Pulling out my check book and a second-job application for work as a telemarketer, a choir of angels sang Alleluia.
That’s how bad I wanted this car. It wasn’t a car, it was a religious experience. The last time I had one of these little epiphanies, I came home with an old Corvette. Lust is truly the deadliest of all seven sins. Pictures cannot do this machine justice. It must be seen.
5.7L Hemi V8. High polish rally wheels. Metallic orange, with flat black trim. It was huge. A real muscle car. Did I mention the sunroof and the spoiler? Gets a respectable 25 mph on the highway. The way the back doors were seamed was unusual – very artistic. The front end and trunk seemed very snub – the distance between the wheels great, doors large. Not a tiny box sedan by any means. The sticker said something about suede seats – I doubt it was real suede, most likely a man-made material of some sort. I don’t know, I couldn’t sit in it.
You see, the only think that kept this fool from parting with money she doesn’t even have, is the fact that the dealership was closed. At 8 p.m. on a Friday night! How do they expect to sell any cars here? What, one Viper, one Charger, and we’re done for the month! Let’s knock off on the 22nd?
Anyhoo, the sticker price was $33K. Now that sounds like a lot, but after test driving a Mazda 6 ($27K) and Subaru something or other ($31K) this is starting to look like a good value. Heck, the Chrysler Crossfire next to it stickered at $36K!
The sticker also had ‘custom ordered for Name’ on it. I don’t know who the guy was, but if he special ordered a 2006, he may well have paid over sticker for this beauty. (Be the first on your block to be price gouged!) There most likely was a deal where he had to let it sit on the lot for a month to attract other stupid moths like myself into its destructive glow. I’d be having a heart attack if that was my car. It was literally six inches from the highway, and anyone could have hit it pulling into the dealership. It had imaginary day-glo letters above it saying ‘steal me’ as well. I predict this will replace the Buick Grand National as Most Wanted on the Gone in Sixty Seconds crowd’s To Swipe list.
If the car could speak it would say, “If you don’t buy me, your empty meaningless life will have amounted to naught. You will never know what true cool is. You will die alone and unloved in the slow lane, with the Yugos and Hybrids. Might as well buy a mini-van, you loser.” Just what this confused and procrastinating car-buyer needed to hear. From a smart-alec sedan, no less.
Sigh. Better start selling advertising on this site.
Beckoning me over with a twitch of its 18 inch glossy black tire, I was blinded as if a shaft of light burst forth from the heavens and illuminated its burnt orange exterior. A commanding voice (would James Earl Jones do car commercials?) bellowed: This Is The Car You Are Seeking.
Pulling out my check book and a second-job application for work as a telemarketer, a choir of angels sang Alleluia.
That’s how bad I wanted this car. It wasn’t a car, it was a religious experience. The last time I had one of these little epiphanies, I came home with an old Corvette. Lust is truly the deadliest of all seven sins. Pictures cannot do this machine justice. It must be seen.
5.7L Hemi V8. High polish rally wheels. Metallic orange, with flat black trim. It was huge. A real muscle car. Did I mention the sunroof and the spoiler? Gets a respectable 25 mph on the highway. The way the back doors were seamed was unusual – very artistic. The front end and trunk seemed very snub – the distance between the wheels great, doors large. Not a tiny box sedan by any means. The sticker said something about suede seats – I doubt it was real suede, most likely a man-made material of some sort. I don’t know, I couldn’t sit in it.
You see, the only think that kept this fool from parting with money she doesn’t even have, is the fact that the dealership was closed. At 8 p.m. on a Friday night! How do they expect to sell any cars here? What, one Viper, one Charger, and we’re done for the month! Let’s knock off on the 22nd?
Anyhoo, the sticker price was $33K. Now that sounds like a lot, but after test driving a Mazda 6 ($27K) and Subaru something or other ($31K) this is starting to look like a good value. Heck, the Chrysler Crossfire next to it stickered at $36K!
The sticker also had ‘custom ordered for Name’ on it. I don’t know who the guy was, but if he special ordered a 2006, he may well have paid over sticker for this beauty. (Be the first on your block to be price gouged!) There most likely was a deal where he had to let it sit on the lot for a month to attract other stupid moths like myself into its destructive glow. I’d be having a heart attack if that was my car. It was literally six inches from the highway, and anyone could have hit it pulling into the dealership. It had imaginary day-glo letters above it saying ‘steal me’ as well. I predict this will replace the Buick Grand National as Most Wanted on the Gone in Sixty Seconds crowd’s To Swipe list.
If the car could speak it would say, “If you don’t buy me, your empty meaningless life will have amounted to naught. You will never know what true cool is. You will die alone and unloved in the slow lane, with the Yugos and Hybrids. Might as well buy a mini-van, you loser.” Just what this confused and procrastinating car-buyer needed to hear. From a smart-alec sedan, no less.
Sigh. Better start selling advertising on this site.
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1 comment:
LOL - tried clicking to donate, but i couldn't find LOL - tried clicking to donate, but i couldn't find the link.
i read an interesting article in car & driver once that asserted that regardless of the car you were driving, the most fun you could have was driving it at it's limit.
yes, my saturn is too tall, almost saab like sitting in the drivers seat, but it has a much lower center of gravity than you think. it understeers plenty in hard cornering, front wheel drive, go figure, but i have yet to come close to losing control (except on glare ice). under 10 to get to 60, mainly because the gearing is for economy, but hey check out that 6500 rpm red line.
not to sound mature or anything, but! let's face it, i'm freaking speed racer, the accelerator on my car might as well be an on off switch. if i had or corvette, charger, you name it, i am dead. same reason i've never gotten a motorcycle, i'm not smart enough to drive even sort of responsibly. no problem, the saturn is a tank, it's not fast enough to get me hurt or in trouble (ticket count for three years with my 280Z = 5, ticket count over the last 11 years with 4 different saturns = 1 (drag racing, i didn't see the cop, crap!)), and i can drive around corners and country roads as stupidly as i want to, no danger to myself or anyone else.
yes! hell yes! i'd love a charger, corvette, mustang, or whatever crotch rocket i could get... but i'm alive, kicking, and can drive like i want to.
and you be nice, it's my birthday.the link.
i read an interesting article in car & driver once that asserted that regardless of the car you were driving, the most fun you could have was driving it at it's limit. yes, my saturn is
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