Mooving Right Along

Town Mascot Fitted for Kevlar Collar

Sorry I haven’t written for a few nights. As usual, I have plenty to say, just need about a liter of Diet Lime Coke under my belt to go on a marathon rant session and get it all out.

The recent drought/heat wave here has me smiling. There hasn’t been this many 90 + degree days this far north in a long time. Perhaps never. This Sunday the area recorded 102. Whoo-hoo! All those years of my aiming the Aqua Net aerosol can at the sun and depressing the button has paid off! Global Warming, here we come! Best. Summer. Ever. I’m actually getting to wear those three thousand pairs of shorts and summer tops I have accumulated over the years. I love summer clothes; I just don’t get much of a chance to wear them.

Another attempted murder in my hell-hole of a home town. Think I’ll petition the City Council for a Tour Bus Permit. CSI: Cowtown. Tours daily. Meet at the Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Motorola Drive) at 8 a.m. Sharp. Adults: $5 Seniors: $6 Children: $12.

“And here’s where the police said the transient out-of-towner-with-no-family murder suspect was surrounded by police and decided to end his own life by falling on a small knife. Mighty convenient way to solve a killing, wouldn’t you agree? Over to your left, you’ll see the famed illegal underground disco – directly across the street from City Hall and the Police Station…”

Wonder if I could get the permit? Bet I could bring in more money than Main Street, the Jaycees, the creation of a TIF district or any other local brainchild. Not like I’m giving any of my money to civic causes. They can just take the applicable taxes. Wouldn’t it be a hoot to apply? Have a business plan in place? Dot my I’s, cross my T’s and show up seeking a small business loan from a local bank and livery license from the city?

I’d love to notify the local paper of my plans and have them cover the story as the plan gets shot down. No economic growth is going on in this city, and I’d love to make a fuss about how they DISCOURAGED a local entrepreneur that wanted to promote tourism. Outraged Aldermen would be saying how disgusted they were that someone wanted to portray the town in a negative light, etc., etc. Yeah. Your rah-rah golden boy with the water park really came through, didn’t he? Let’s not forget the imaginary cap on restaurants in town. What was that strange deal that drove one restaurateur out to make way for another? Why couldn’t a second eatery be built? Can’t stand a little competition? Only one corner in town is good for sit-down dining?

I’d need a little depot to meet at before the bus ride, and then you would be brought back there to Exit Through the Gift Shop. There’d be little chief of police bobble heads for sale and calendars with little flip boards that say “X” days with out a shooting.


Thought for the day:

A Developer is someone who wants to build a house
in the woods.

An environmentalist is someone who already owns a
house in the woods.

Dennis Miller