It was the Best of Temperatures

Left work today and one of those flashing time and temp boards informed me it was a balmy 91 degrees Fahrenheit at 4:28 p.m. Now obviously, that thermometer was in the direct sun, but that’s okay because it was all I needed to put a smile on my face and a left turn indicator on the car. I swung into my health club to see if they finally got the outdoor pool running (no matter how nice it is, they never have it going before, or even during, Memorial Day. This is just plain stupid, as it would be much more cost-effective to try and use it as much as possible in this frigid clime).

I was in luck, both pools were open and available (if they are teaching classes in one, they can still host open swim in another). Enjoyed the outdoor puddle (it’s not very big, and only comes up to my neck) for a little and then took a shower. Left feeling very refreshed, when I notice a message on my cell phone. My rollerblading buddy wanted to skate, so I called back and got her VM. Said I would meet her at the trail at 6:30, a time I could make if I really hurried.

Declined Mr. Right’s offer to meet me for dinner (and I had a Pizza Hut coupon, and could have made a big show of offering to pay…darn!) so I could hurry out to the trail. I am extremely fortunate to live 20 minutes away from a world-class rollerblading-friendly trail. Unfortunately – for all the years I have spent skating – I never have mastered the whole ‘turn’ or ‘stop’ thing, and have scars to prove it.

Didn’t meet up with my skate partner, she never got my message on her cell phone. The bigger the technology, the bigger the potential it won’t work. Can you hear me now? Nope.

Did a very easy seven miles on a beautiful evening and enjoyed myself anyways. Except for the part where the trail passes the Waste Treatment Plant. Yep. Nothing quite like the septic smell of municipal waste on a ninety degree day. No lie, one time a few years back we skated by the retention pond and there were these two women in bathing suits sitting on lawn chairs looking out over the cesspool. I never did figure out if they worked there and just wore bathing suits because it was so hot, or if it was locals thinking that was a resort area. Phew.

Saw some good news in the paper today for a change! It seems the county will be having convict work crews picking up litter along the sides of our roads this summer. Seeing as our road is a huge toxic dump (I’ve seen everything from booze bottles to old furniture molding in the ditches) I really hope they come here. And give them a shovel full of hot asphalt to fill in the potholes while they are here. If they need anyone to supervise the chain gang (think Cool. Hand Luke, etc.) I’ll be happy to volunteer. I love horses, guns and dogs. I could be a very successful overseer.

Wonder if we’ll get any celebrity convicts? OJ, Robert Blake, Michael Jackson…oh, wait, they were all acquitted…. (still time to get Jackson on the latest count)
Martha Stewart could have tidied up the road and planted some daffodils while she was at it.

Hear about the auto auction two weeks ago where the Hemi Cuda went for $700,000? Yes, that’s the correct number of zeroes. Wonder who bought it? Who has a million dollars burning a hole in their pocket for something too rare to drive? It had 3,000 original miles. Where do you park a car that expensive, other than your living room? “I had the paisley curtains all picked out, and then Ted brings home this lime green muscle car and ruined my whole color palate…” Wonder if he called Geico to get the best deal on insurance for it? I think calling Lloyds of London would be your only real option…

This brings me to my favorite pastime: “If I Were the Richest Person on Earth”

Boy would there be some changes! First off, the most outrageously expensive (and worth every penny) car that I would rush out to buy would be the 1967 Corvette Convertible 427. Red, with a black stripe down the hood. This would set me back at least $200K.

I would drive it very cautiously over some nice smooth road for about ten to twenty miles, just to see how it handled. I’m not looking for a race car, I just admire this body style. I can have track time in other cars, but this specimen is for admiring. After that little jaunt, it would be on display in my Garden Room. This is a special room built on the back of my mansion that has a semicircle of glass windows. Two French doors open wide enough to drive the car in and place it on the mirrored turntable in the middle of the room. There’s a black lacquer grand piano in one corner, and lots of potted plants. The floor is oversize squares of exotic polished marble. A massive chandelier hangs from the center of the room (but not directly over the car, just in case). Think Great Gatsby.

Some visitors might like it, some might think it silly. I must admit few would remember it after having walked through my foyer…the one that looks like the last scene of the movie Jurassic Park, since Sue the dinosaur would not have gone to the Field Museum for $8 million. I would have out bid them (they were underwritten by McDonalds on that purchase – hmmmm…food that makes you fat sponsoring a skeleton….interesting) and put her (same mounting, they did a fantastic job) in my three-story entry way. Now that makes an impression on guests. If I had any. I’m not into guests. But if you’re the richest person on earth, you have to brag to someone. So I’d let people from my hometown through. Then give them job applications to be my stable help on the way out. Ha!