For those of you who have been on the edge of your seat wondering if turtles like hot dogs: they don’t. I think I need a huge government grant, or at least one from the ‘Assorted Meat By-Products’ lobby to further study why.
Gas prices are climbing and I’m ticked. A recent ‘town hall’ type meeting on the topic had few attendees and it was concluded that people aren’t that upset about gas prices. I will begin a letter writing campaign to debunk that myth.
Our township land use meeting will be held tomorrow night. I’m showing up in a business suit and taking the Vette to let those farmers in overalls know that us dinks don’t want any low-income high-density housing or gravel roads in these here parts.
Forget Classmates.com. I’m going to the Chicago Police Department’s new anti-prostitution website to look up the old gang!
Perhaps a few celebrities will show up now and then, as well!
Gas prices are climbing and I’m ticked. A recent ‘town hall’ type meeting on the topic had few attendees and it was concluded that people aren’t that upset about gas prices. I will begin a letter writing campaign to debunk that myth.
Our township land use meeting will be held tomorrow night. I’m showing up in a business suit and taking the Vette to let those farmers in overalls know that us dinks don’t want any low-income high-density housing or gravel roads in these here parts.
Forget Classmates.com. I’m going to the Chicago Police Department’s new anti-prostitution website to look up the old gang!
Perhaps a few celebrities will show up now and then, as well!
Word on the street is the new Herbie movie stinks. I could have told you that as soon as I heard Lindsay Lohan was set to star. What part of her image makes you think “Disney Material”? Bet she slept with Michael Eisner to get the role.
So let me get this straight… it’s okay to compare 9/11 to Pearl Harbor, but not okay to compare inhumane prisoner treatment with Russian Gulags or German prison camps?
And it’s exactly like Jane Fonda calling U.S. soldiers baby killers. Right. I used to be a member of Amnesty International (past tense – I could not give up my belief that the death penalty can be warranted after a fair trial) and never dreamed I’d have to be writing letters to my own government. Chalk that one up to naiveté, I guess. We were all young once.
When Chicago isn’t busy persecuting working girls, they’re hard at work banning sparklers from city limits. Whew! Another Chicago Fire averted. Good work. Now let me get some sleep so I can wake up to fewer airports and more parks.
An eleven-year-old boy scout survived four days in the Utah wilderness without TiVo, Nintendo or a cell phone. And I thought all they taught scouts was to hate gays and non-Christians. Who knew?
And it’s exactly like Jane Fonda calling U.S. soldiers baby killers. Right. I used to be a member of Amnesty International (past tense – I could not give up my belief that the death penalty can be warranted after a fair trial) and never dreamed I’d have to be writing letters to my own government. Chalk that one up to naiveté, I guess. We were all young once.
When Chicago isn’t busy persecuting working girls, they’re hard at work banning sparklers from city limits. Whew! Another Chicago Fire averted. Good work. Now let me get some sleep so I can wake up to fewer airports and more parks.
An eleven-year-old boy scout survived four days in the Utah wilderness without TiVo, Nintendo or a cell phone. And I thought all they taught scouts was to hate gays and non-Christians. Who knew?
1 comment:
will the bad puns never end? *jealous*
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