Early Morning in Jaipur

"Thank You for calling UPS. How may I assist you?"

I'd like to know where my delivery is.

"Do you have a tracking number, madam?"

One.

"One? One what? I need a twelve-digit tracking number."

No, the program says "One", that's how I placed by bet. Inside post. Position one. I bet my money and you never delivered - I'm out a hundred bucks.

"Was your package insured with us?"

Yes, a Mr. Dutrow said it was a sure thing. I'd like my money back...