So I stop at Evil – Mart on the way home tonight…Is it just me or are they trying to send a subliminal message by putting the cat food next to the tampons? I should have then checked to see if the beer was next to the frozen pizza.
I go to check out and waltz right up to the “Twenty Items or Less” lane. I figure, if they don’t know grammar, what are the chances they know arithmetic? I mean, what will happen if I have 22 items? Will the register freeze up at exactly twenty? A big horn go off? Red flashing lights?
The check out man (greying, 15 year pin, so I know whence I speak) asks to see my credit card. “Would you like to see my ID?” I offer, pleased he cares. “No,” he says, squinting at the signature box to check if I could write just like the card I had stolen.
Having passed my art test, I was released to the parking lot. A cheery lady thanked me for coming. She’s still got a job. All those Union Textile workers who lost their jobs when China was the low-bid for the 4th of July T-Shirts in aisle 6 don’t.
Yes, I’m part of the problem. Shame on me. But you should see the really cute melon sweater I got for only $4.50! 5% angora and 2% cashmere. The other synthetic fibers probably cause cancer, but hey, $4.50! Whoo – hoo!
(Freaky - I was too lazy to photograph the sweater myself, so I just did a Google Image search for Melon Sweater, and the fifth choice was the exact item - from their website! So I stole it. I foresee a showdown where Google and Wal-Mart have each amassed all the data they possibly could and are suing each other to gain sole control of all the information in the other's databank in hopes of ruling the universe...)
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