If I Were Bill Gates

Thanks, Doug!

Hey, kids, time for another episode of “If I Were the Richest Person on The Planet”!

As you may recall from past installments, I’d have the dinosaur Sue in my foyer, and a 1967 Sting Ray convertible on a mirrored turntable in my Florida Room overlooking my gardens.

To that, I’d like to add, “purchase large swaths of Chile and Argentina”*.

Thank God Douglas Tompkins thinks the way I do! The founder of North Face and Esprit clothing was recently quoted as saying he is trying to save the planet by buying bits of it and protecting it from development!

Jose Luis Niella, a Catholic priest and social activist, said many poor people no longer have access to lands where ancestors lived freely for generations. "It's not fair for him to be concerned only with protecting the environment," Niella said.

Oh, Boo-Hoo. Yes, it is ok. He's not prohibiting human birth control, your church is. Let's have some more wildlife preserves. We already have too many cities.

My hero!!! You go, Tompkins! Save that rainforest! A special you “Got A Life” award to you! Oooh, I know. The “I Got A Life” Lifetime Achievement Award!

Thank you, Doug Thompkins. Now, can I interest you in some vacant farmland behind my property? It really needs protection!

*Be sure to check out the conspiracy theory!