Holy Grail of the Happy Meal
Collect them All!
You can’t. It’s impossible, and it’s a conspiracy aimed at making me miserable.
Collect them All!
You can’t. It’s impossible, and it’s a conspiracy aimed at making me miserable.
Suitably influenced by the not-so-subliminal message of the movie Cars (buy the collectables, buy the collectables, BUY THE COLLECTABLES!) I immediately went to my local retailers to buy all the tie-in merchandise I could get my hands on.
First stop, Home of the Happy Meal, McDonald’s. Still staggering under the weight gain of ‘Win a New Corvette by Playing Monopoly’, I now again needed to visit the golden arches on a daily basis trying to get the Sally the Porsche plastic toy. After griping at work that already they were out, many parents helpfully noted their tykes had received Sally long ago, broke her and were now on to new things. Great.
I began scouring the local discount stores looking for the Hot Wheels collectable. I passed the automotive department where they offered one free in a five-quart box of oil for $11.87. Where were these prices coming from? Hot Wheels and oil both used to be 97 cents each. Undeterred, I pushed on to the toy department. I haven’t been in a toy department since many years ago when I worked at Evil Mart. They wanted to make me manager of the toy section at one point. Can I move every hook six feet in the air? I asked. Hmm. No thanks.
I found a young gal moving the little cars around. She gestured to the end of the aisle where a few lonely Hot Wheels hung. No Sally. Do you have more in back? I asked. Oh, no. That’s all we’re going to get, she replied. Gasp!! The movie premiered June 9th! And they're out?!
First stop, Home of the Happy Meal, McDonald’s. Still staggering under the weight gain of ‘Win a New Corvette by Playing Monopoly’, I now again needed to visit the golden arches on a daily basis trying to get the Sally the Porsche plastic toy. After griping at work that already they were out, many parents helpfully noted their tykes had received Sally long ago, broke her and were now on to new things. Great.
I began scouring the local discount stores looking for the Hot Wheels collectable. I passed the automotive department where they offered one free in a five-quart box of oil for $11.87. Where were these prices coming from? Hot Wheels and oil both used to be 97 cents each. Undeterred, I pushed on to the toy department. I haven’t been in a toy department since many years ago when I worked at Evil Mart. They wanted to make me manager of the toy section at one point. Can I move every hook six feet in the air? I asked. Hmm. No thanks.
I found a young gal moving the little cars around. She gestured to the end of the aisle where a few lonely Hot Wheels hung. No Sally. Do you have more in back? I asked. Oh, no. That’s all we’re going to get, she replied. Gasp!! The movie premiered June 9th! And they're out?!
I grabbed a Lightening McQueen, despite the $3.88 price tag. Then I moved to the bin of stuffed Cars. When you struck the padded car against the shelf, a little recording said things like “Ow, that’s going to leave a mark”, and “I’m built for speed, not for slammin’”. Despite the unsetting comments they emit, I wanted both Sally and McQueen, but they had no McQueen and the last Sally sounded as if her batteries were about to go. This is it?! I exclaimed in panic.
A young guy showed me the Sally radio controlled car for $15.96, but I thought that a bit steep. He generously offered to put it way at the back of the display in case I changed my mind. Thanking them, I ran off to the next store, the Wicked Wal-Mart of the (upper mid) West.
Again, I found no Sally Hot Wheels. Unfortunate, as they were 70 cents cheaper there. But they did have both the Smack & Yacks for $8.88 each. Too late to quibble about cost, I grabbed them both and left. Sally had blue eyes on the toy, and I swear they were green in the movie, but they were cute and look great on my Route 66 shelf. Now for a Sally Hot Wheels or Happy Meal….
The next day I tried some more outlets, to no avail. Has every Sally on earth been sold? Are they going faster as little girl presents? Did they make fewer, just to drive me nuts?? Will I be scouring eBay into my dotage, looking for that damn plastic car? And what exactly was in that popcorn that made me so obsessed to purchase Pixar/Disney licensed materials?
What if I see some tot sucking on one in a grocery cart? That’s not going to end well…
Rosie: Wuddu you here fer?
Me: Um, excuse me?
Rosie: Whatta ya do? Whya in?
Me: Oh, I um, um, took a toy from a child…But it was a really bourgeois tyke in a fancy pram, he was asking for it, you know…
Again, I found no Sally Hot Wheels. Unfortunate, as they were 70 cents cheaper there. But they did have both the Smack & Yacks for $8.88 each. Too late to quibble about cost, I grabbed them both and left. Sally had blue eyes on the toy, and I swear they were green in the movie, but they were cute and look great on my Route 66 shelf. Now for a Sally Hot Wheels or Happy Meal….
The next day I tried some more outlets, to no avail. Has every Sally on earth been sold? Are they going faster as little girl presents? Did they make fewer, just to drive me nuts?? Will I be scouring eBay into my dotage, looking for that damn plastic car? And what exactly was in that popcorn that made me so obsessed to purchase Pixar/Disney licensed materials?
What if I see some tot sucking on one in a grocery cart? That’s not going to end well…
Rosie: Wuddu you here fer?
Me: Um, excuse me?
Rosie: Whatta ya do? Whya in?
Me: Oh, I um, um, took a toy from a child…But it was a really bourgeois tyke in a fancy pram, he was asking for it, you know…
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