What can I say? Yes, my ambitions in life are quite small*, especially when you consider one of my loftiest goals to be the ability to wear cheap sunglasses.
Why? I’ve been a slave to prescription eyewear since about age nine, and I hate it. I had a brief stint with contacts in high school, but it didn’t work out, especially with my seasonal allergies. With the advent of Lasik surgery, there seems to be hope on the horizon, but I can’t quite overcome my abject terror at the thought of laser beams directed at my eyes. I know many people who are thrilled with the results, but some people have serious permanent vision problems afterwards. I mean, sure, I love dogs and most books are available as audio, but no driving? I don’t think so!
As a last-ditch effort, I asked once again about contacts at my most recent eye exam. After careful research (picking up the phone and asking how much an exam cost) I selected a uniquely qualified practitioner (read: low bid) at the local Meijer’s Superstore (motto: We’re Not as Evil as Wal-Mart! Yet.). I was pleased to learn contact technology has come a long way over the years and decided once again to try and free my face from the tyranny of designer eyewear.
I’m narrowing in on the proper brand and fit, and hope to be able to enjoy this new found freedom. Everything is better without the cumbersome glasses! Pulling off a sweatshirt without having to take the glasses off! Washing the car without having to wipe them clean of overspray! Driving without seeing the edges of the lens. Best of all: picking out those cheap sunglasses!!! Whee! I want a dozen! All shades! All sizes! The ultimate fashion accessory!
I did ask about extended-wear lenses, the type you can sleep in. My eye doctor said they did not have an FDA approved lens for astigmatism. Now had she merely said they didn’t make one for my prescription needs, I would have understood. But when you tell me there isn’t an FDA approved something, well, that must mean there’s a non-FDA approved item, right? So, over in Russia there are people running around with extended wear lenses that I can’t buy here, right? To say that the FDA approval process is flawed is an understatement. I could very well be wearing contacts 24/7 if not for some bureaucratic baloney keeping me from my Bill of Rights guaranteed Right to Make Stupid Decisions. I’m going on line to see if I can order some from the Balkans or something. Some sweatshop in Taiwan must be churning out cut-rate contacts for sale abroad.
* See future posts for further exploration of this philosophical concept
3 comments:
Are you channeling me? Only, my ill-fated attempt with contacts was during college. Didn't work out. Particularly with my seasonal allergies. I'm also considering trying again. And I have astigmatism. Oooh, scary!
Let me know what you find out about the Balkans-based eyewear.
You forgot (for us older folks) the famous remove glasses to read labels in the stores.
(ooppss forgot your not that far behind) :)
FDA should be DFA dollars for approval. The FDA aproveal probably doubled or tripled the price of those lenses. Our overprotective government at work.
Oh yea!!!!!!!
MM
Just for balance.
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