Blog-a-versary

Tis a sad, sad day for this (formerly) great nation of ours when driving around to find a gas station advertising high-octane under $3 a gallon proves impossible.

I pulled in across four lanes of traffic at a Mobile advertising $2.99 only to find the fine print reading “with wash’. As soon as I’m elected president, such fine print at the pump will be made illegal. It won’t be needed anyways, as gas would be much cheaper under the reign of SSMW. Not to mention the fact that heavy tax credits would be offered to citizens who had no children but multiple cars. Yes, things would run so much better if the world would only listen to ME.

You know those annoying little bumper stickers that say drivel like ‘my child is an honor student at Lincoln Elementary’? Perhaps you’ve even seen one of the funny rebuttals of ‘my kid beat up your honor student’. Cute. But I’d like to go one better. Since my car is my pride and joy, I need a bumper sticker that says ‘my car ran over your honor student’.

Oh, do you like the new wheels? Hot, but very, very hard to keep clean. As I’ve said before, buying a black car is just announcing to the world you’re getting far too much sleep and your time would be better spent waxing and polishing. Add chrome wheels, and you might as well skip those leisurely three minute showers and just hose off after getting the car clean before work.

In other depressing news, Chevrolet announced there would not be a Daytona Sunset Orange Corvette offered in 2007. Great. I’ve obsessed over this color since it was introduced and they yank it after a mere 12 months. Figures.

In even worse news, “Development” continues unabated, and I will have to fill you in on all the depressing details another time. Like when I have a cup of hemlock nearby.

Do you realize I’ve been doing this blog for a year now? Big whoop. I haven’t obtained a book contract or made an iota of difference in the world. Yep, pretty much the same thing I was doing BB. (Before Blog) As the T-Shirt says, Some Days it Isn’t Even Worth Chewing Through the Restraints.