Amphi-Bean-ans

I'd just like to point out this is the second reptile-related food atrocity this month...

From The Northwest Herald
More than a good fiber source in this can
By JESSICA PERSONETTE

McHENRY – Brenda Eisenberg of Spring Grove hopes that when people make their green-bean casserole this Thanksgiving, they will look a little more closely at what comes out of the can.

Let’s just start my commentary by noting my absolute horror of all things “Green Bean”. I hate them. Always have. Being told I must finish them before leaving the table confirmed the phobia. I was offered canned green beans as a child, so don’t even try to wax rhapsodic on the wonders of fresh. I was turned against the legumes in a canned state and will forever avoid them at the risk of vomiting. That said, I buy them for both Mr. Right and the lizards. The lizards are crazy about them. Canned, frozen, fresh, they don’t care. Wax beans to a lesser extent. I’m sure the following report would upset them to no end, thinking one of their little friends could be inadvertently embalmed in bean brine.

Eisenberg said she recently discovered what looked like a reptile or frog leg in a can of Allen green beans.

Tough call – looks like salamander, but could be putrefied frog. I suggest Reptiles Magazine run a contest to identify it properly.

"I know with the holidays coming up, if it got mixed up in green-bean casserole, no one would know," she said. "Hopefully, people will think about it. I just want them to know."

Thanks. I needed that image. Really. Actually, I worry more about biting into a holiday dish that has hidden green beans more than biting into something that contains secret animal products.

Eisenberg bought the can of green beans at the McHenry Wal-Mart on Nov. 7. The next night, she opened the can, emptied it into a bowl, heated up the green beans, and served them for dinner, she said.

Same MO I’ve used for years… Quick. Easy. No thought.

As she was cleaning up after dinner, she noticed that one of the "beans" left in the serving bowl looked strange, she said.

Uh, oh. Here it comes.

"It had black spots and looked slimy," Eisenberg said. "I examined closer, and saw four fingers or toes. I got totally grossed out."

Yeah, that would make me jump. Make me count pet legs, at the very least.

Eisenberg said she e-mailed the Allen Canning Co. of Arkansas, and contacted the McHenry Wal-Mart suggesting they take other cans produced at the same time off the shelves.

Nice to know Average Consumer needs to do the jobs of the Health Department, FDA, EPA, etc.

According to e-mails provided by Eisenberg, Allen apologized and offered $25, a variety gift pack, and a copy of Allen's "Can-Do Cookbook." Eisenberg also said she was told that the company would ask Wal-Mart to take the cans off the shelves.

Can – Do? Things you Can Do with lizard parts? “Funny Things Found in Cans” Hall of Shame? Herp Helper? Kermit in a Can? Suddenly Salamander? Newt-A-Roni? Gecko-Olios?

A manager at the McHenry Wal-Mart referred calls to Wal-Mart corporate offices in Arkansas. A call to a Wal-Mart spokesman was not returned Friday.

You think?

James Phillips, vice president of corporate services for Allen Canning, said Friday that the company's products are processed in the can, so everything in the can is rendered commercially sterile and safe.

Sure it is. How many rat hairs per pound allowable again?

Phillips said that the company inspects and washes its product, but Eisenberg's experience does happen on rare occasions with agricultural products.

Sounds like this was packaged in an Asian rice paddy…Disgruntled migrant workers, perhaps?

"When we start growing green beans in laboratories, that will stop, but since we have the farmers of America grow our product, no matter what technology you have, you'll occasionally have this," Phillips said.

Then we’d get human fingers only….Yay Genetically Altered foods! Hydroponics is the way to go.

Eisenberg said she was not trying to extort anything from the company.

Except maybe some antacids and a free barf bag.

"I do not want a gift pack from them," she said. "I just know I don't want anyone else to have to find a frog leg in their green beans or green bean casserole."

I wouldn’t want their lousy gift pack either. Are there Frog Legs in their jars of Pig Knuckles as well? Worse yet...Is a diner somewhere ordering Frog Legs and getting a bean mixed in?