The Coupon Curve

Every time a coupon expires, a kitten is killed...

Or at least you would think so, the way I run around every week with a stack of store promos in my hand.

Last week was a perfect storm of redeeming as I tried to squeeze every last dollar out of my portfolio of offers.

First up was Kohl's. I had ten dollars in Kohl's cash*, which could be spent on anything. I found two kitchen towels (cute dragonfly design) for $1.99, a candle for $4.99 and a $6 hair band. Between the $10 off and a 15% off I ended up only paying $2.71. Score!

Next was Ulta. I really need to slow down with this place, but they keep sending the coupons... Spend $10 or more, get $3.50 off. Simple. Straightforward. Easy. Spent $11 and paid $8.01 after tax. Good. Not great, but adequate.

Finally, JC Pennypinchers. Why do I bother? Oh, they have petite sizes, that's why. So I had this mother's day coupon for $10 off any purchase of $25 or more. Then I had two other ones; $10 off any purchase $50 or more, and $15 off any purchase $75 or more. Hmmm.

Usually, I can't find anything and waste two hours even trying to find something coupon-worthy. Somehow, I managed to find all kinds of things I wanted. To maximize the coupons, I needed to make on $50+ and one $25+ purchase to get $20 off. Easier said than done!

It must have taken me almost three hours to get a low priced item to align with the $25. I had $20.99 pants, but there is absolutely NOTHING in the entire store for $4. Not a single sock. Oh, sure, packages of three for $10, but not single pairs. No food items. No clearance jewelry (their junk jewelry starts at about $6 on clearance, and I won't give them the satisfaction of turning my wrist green) no washcloth package or lip gloss for $4 - nothing.

Who are these people? These evil math geniuses who have created this bizarre pricing algorithm designed to keep fashionistas like myself from cashing in on multiple offers? So unlike Kohl's!!!

Determined to get the snow-leopard sweater or die, I settled on an $8 pair of sunglasses. Sheesh. At least I got a vinyl sleeve to put them in, the only reason I like buying sunglasses there.

I need to swear off all shopping for the summer. No more! Save it for the gas tank. Burn those offers from the mail without even opening them. Hit delete on all emails. Cease! Desist! Decoupon!

*I think I earned this by spending $50 in Kohl's the week before. Al needed dress pants for work. He will only wear black (if only he had Johnny Cash's talent or money.... Nope. Just thirst for no-fault dressing. What he's doing with me, I have no idea.) so the transaction took all of 14 minutes as I shopped for him. Out of 3, only one needed to be returned. Not bad.