Sunday, December 28, 2008

How Do I Love Free?

Let me count the ways...

I had to switch gas stations (again) recently as that sweet deal of 'pay cash and we'll give you ten cents off per gallon' suddenly evaporated faster than the gas fumes off my mittens over at the Citgo station I had just discovered. Seems they changed hands and were offering a special for cash-payers who were willing to walk through icy puddles into their creepy little vestibule and hand over the green stuff (read: Bargain Hunters Like Myself) but suddenly their per-gallon price jumped exponentially on the high octane my baby thrives on, so I had to move on.

Went to a grocery-store outpost and was frustrated by their pay-at-the-pump malfunction. Since I was inside anyway, might as well get some coffee. I was pleasantly surprised to find they refused my dollar, saying it was FREE with fill up! MMMMMM!!! Nothing tastes as good as free! Much like deep-frying or dipping in chocolate or cheese, there aren't many items that can't be improved by "free".

Had a bad experience with FREE just the other day, however. Went to McDonalds to get my Monday FREE small morning coffee, and told the kid behind the takeout speaker as much. Sorry, that doesn't start until seven a.m., I was told. What? Limits on FREE? Is nothing sacred? Just because I'm an early bird, I don't qualify? Roaming bands of old folks looking for senior discounts come by a moment ago, or what? Blinking in disbelief at my car clock that read 6:39 I roared off in a huff. Gave plenty of my hard-earned cash to Dunkin Donuts instead. They are famous for taking my coupon, and then handing it right back to me, and other little niceties.

Watch out, Ronald. Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm not leaving with out my FREE, even if I have to circle the block for twenty minutes. You will not win, large evil corporation. I have coupons, and I'm not afraid to use them.

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