Amnesty InterLibrary

A local library had the following sign outside this morning: “Food for Fines” (I should send this to the folks at Unshelved)

I couldn’t help but envision the following scenario:

Harried Dad: Uh, I’d like to bring this book back. My wife was cleaning under our daughter’s bed and found it.

Librarian: It was due a month ago.

Dad: Yes, I’ve brought this can of corn and box of spaghetti…

Librarian: It’s a Newbery winner! Other patrons were not able to access it during that time, and I’m sure you agree it is of vital importance to share our resources as fairly as possible.

Dad: Of course, we’re very sorry…

Librarian: Did your daughter even read the book?

Dad: Um, I dunno…

Librarian: Here you go. One can of asparagus and a jar of pickled beets.

Dad: What? You’re giving me food?

Librarian. I’m sure your daughter will think again before tossing a book on the floor to be covered by laundry and cat hair.

Dad: I’m supposed to serve this to her?

Librarian: Don’t make me get the Spam…

Retro or Obsolete?

Well!

Seems the Lake Superior State University's annual List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness includes a little dig at yours truly.

Do click on that link above to enjoy the whole article, but I would like to draw you attention to the final line:

Think these gendarmes of jargon should "get a life"? Watch it, kiddo. That phrase was banished in 1997.

Sorry, but over on this little synapse of the web the phrase is alive and well.

Free Strikes and You're Out

Me: It's Free again!

DDV : What?

Me: I have a coupon for a small Mocha - no purchase necessary!

DDV: Whole or Lo Fat?

Me: Lo Fat.

DDV: Will there be anything else?

Me: Nope.

DDV: Please drive up.

Me: MMMMM.... FREE!

Let FREE-dom Ring

Or, "Will Lose Sleep for Free"

So at 7:03 Central Time I rolled up to the take-out speaker once again:

Me: It's after seven a.m. and I'd like my FREE coffee. What are my choices, please?

Disembodied, Disenchanted Voice: Um. Hang onna minnit.

Me: No problem.

DDV: Today is Vanilla Latte.

Me: Fine.

DDV: Regular or Skim?

Me: Regular. (more calories must cost more, right? Diet begins Jan. 4. Till then, who cares?)

DDV: Anything else?

Me: Oh, a sausage egg biscuit.

DDV: That'll be $2.42. Please pull up.

Now I know we suffer from tremendous portion distortion in this country, but there is no way the tiny shot glass I was handed could be a 'small'. It was a special 'sample size', filled with an eyedropper. I should have asked for a second free one for my imaginary baby in the car seat for goodness' sake. It was certainly infant-sized. The biscuit was really greasy, too.

Anyhoo... went to work and afterwards went $hopping to save the economy. Had a $5 off coupon at Famous Footwear and saw a nice pair of grey boots marked down to $30. Couldn't decide, so I went to Barnes and Nobel next door to spend my gift card on a Jen Lancaster book and a calendar for a friend.

Then I spent about two hours in TJ Maxx. They are really hit-or-miss, but I took my time as I hadn't been in there for a few months and wanted to see what was new. They have great jewelry but didn't see anything I liked. The cases were well-stocked, so I wonder if they didn't do so well for Christmas. I expected them to be half-empty or 'picked over' but that didn't seem to be the case.

Spent some time fondling the cheap Cashmere (you may recall I do this every year, and the employees just sigh when I come in because I unfold everything and rarely make a purchase). Saw a nice purple argyle, but it was just a vest, and no size small. There was a leopard-print V-Neck that I contemplated for $39 but ultimately decided I could live without. One cute red cardigan said 'large' but looked so tiny I wondered if it was a children's size of some sort. Didn't try it on, but it was cute.

Shoe department had a few maybes but ultimately I decided I didn't NEED the olive wedges for only $15, but I may be back. Wanted tights for my new brown sweater dress but apparently size small does not exist in brown. They had some nice Spanx ones too, but again, size was an issue. Is $20 good for Spanx tights? They also had knee high trouser socks. In Spanx? Not sure why, but they had them. Not one nice beige sock, though. Can't find what I'm seeking in a sock anywhere. Camel must not be an 'in' color this year. Didn't like anything at Target, Kohl's or Wal-Mart either, so the sock quest continues.

Did better in purses. I specifically wanted a silver metallic purse with a shoulder strap, on the bigger side. Found a nice one in genuine leather for $30 and decided to go for it. Checked out and felt that the grey boots WOULD look nice with them, so it was back across town to FF.

I grabbed the Connie "Too Stable for Me" boots and headed for the checkout. A big sign announcing Buy One, Get One Half Off greeted me. Oh. Well, back to the racks.

Found the coolest Avia 330 walking shoes for only $20!! They look like a running shoe and a hiking boot mated. Nice tan and Merlot color scheme, too.

So - the boots were $30, the shoes $20, then I got $10 off for the sale, had the $5 off coupon... and walked out with both for $37.70 after tax. Whew! Saving the U.S. economy is hard work.

By this time I'm starving and - you guessed it - only had a McDonald's coupon - so I ate there AGAIN (somebody please, send me a coupon for an angiogram, quick!) and got a free Hazlenut latte, which explains why I'm still up typing.

I'll have to post a picture of the boots another time, I couldn't find it online anywhere so I'll have to take one and import it.

Bottom Line: Shoe Love is True Love . And to all a good night!

Cloning: a Game for the Whole (Replicated) Family!

Christmas can invoke fond remembrances of favorite toys from childhood, but there was one that had fallen off my radar screen completely until I read this article about Chinese Hamster ovaries.

"I am not a patient person, and being a new faculty member at a brand new university, I did not immediately have the cleanroom facilities I am accustomed to," says Khine, "And desperation is the mother of invention (or something like that). So as I was brainstorming solutions, I remembered my favorite childhood toy and decided to try it in my kitchen one night."
Khine and her team designed complicated patterns in Auto CAD, printed them onto Shrinky Dinks, and then heated the plastic toys in an inexpensive oven. As the sheets became smaller, the lines of print would bulge out. Taller and more pronounced, the miniaturized pattern served as a perfect mould for forming rounded, narrow channels in PDMS -- a clear, synthetic rubber.
In addition to making some simpler devices, Khine and her team emblazoned a Christmas tree design into a piece of PDMS and showed how it can blend different types of food coloring to make a rainbow pattern. Since microfluidic devices are sometimes used for biological research, the young professor also showed that Chinese Hamster Ovary cells can flow through through the narrow channels.

Yep. Shrinky-Dinks saving the world. Who knew? I just loved these totally useless bits of plastic. Oh, sure, you were supposed to make little jewelry and ornaments and stuff; but I just ended up with, well, stuff. Teeny tiny stuff. Lots and lots of teeny tiny stuff. Why was this so fascinating? I don't really know. Lord knows I never wanted to use an oven for anything edible. But shrunken little horse pictures? You bet.

Once again I am left to lament the fact I was born too soon - had I access to the Internet in Junior High, my life would have had a very different outcome (I'd be in an off-shore federal prison long ago). But to think that I could have achieved world domination with a shrinky dink kit and and easy-bake oven? Sad, just sad, to contemplate that lost potential.

Amateurs are trying genetic engineering at home
By MARCUS WOHLSEN, Associated Press Writer Marcus Wohlsen, Associated Press Writer Thu Dec 25, 6:49 pm ET


SAN FRANCISCO – The Apple computer was invented in a garage. Same with the Google search engine. Now, tinkerers are working at home with the basic building blocks of life itself.

Using homemade lab equipment and the wealth of scientific knowledge available online, these hobbyists are trying to create new life forms through genetic engineering — a field long dominated by Ph.D.s toiling in university and corporate laboratories. Like the UniBomber?

In her San Francisco dining room lab, for example, 31-year-old computer programmer Meredith L. Patterson is trying to develop genetically altered yogurt bacteria that will glow green to signal the presence of melamine, the chemical that turned Chinese-made baby formula and pet food deadly.

"People can really work on projects for the good of humanity while learning about something they want to learn about in the process," she said.

So far, no major gene-splicing discoveries have come out anybody's kitchen or garage. (That we know of...)

But critics of the movement worry that these amateurs could one day unleash an environmental or medical disaster. Paging Michael Crichton, paging...

Defenders say the future Bill Gates of biotech could be developing a cure for cancer in the garage.

Many of these amateurs may have studied biology in college but have no advanced degrees and are not earning a living in the biotechnology field. Go on...

Some proudly call themselves "biohackers" — innovators who push technological boundaries and put the spread of knowledge before profits.

In Cambridge, Mass., a group called DIYbio is setting up a community lab where the public could use chemicals and lab equipment, including a used freezer, scored for free off Craigslist, that drops to 80 degrees below zero, the temperature needed to keep many kinds of bacteria alive.

Co-founder Mackenzie Cowell, a 24-year-old who majored in biology in college, said amateurs will probably pursue serious work such as new vaccines and super-efficient biofuels, but they might also try, for example, to use squid genes to create tattoos that glow.

Cowell said such unfettered creativity could produce important discoveries.
"We should try to make science more sexy and more fun and more like a game," he said.

Patterson, the computer programmer, wants to insert the gene for fluorescence into yogurt bacteria, applying techniques developed in the 1970s.

She learned about genetic engineering by reading scientific papers and getting tips from online forums. She ordered jellyfish DNA for a green fluorescent protein from a biological supply company for less than $100. And she built her own lab equipment, including a gel electrophoresis chamber, or DNA analyzer, which she constructed for less than $25, versus more than $200 for a low-end off-the-shelf model. I love entrepreneurship

Jim Thomas of ETC Group, a biotechnology watchdog organization, warned that synthetic organisms in the hands of amateurs could escape and cause outbreaks of incurable diseases or unpredictable environmental damage. Like the idiot that introduced rabbits or cane toads to Australia? Oh, wait, here's one: let's cross European honeybees with African bees... yeah, there's a great idea, and they didn't even need a microscope slide.

"Once you move to people working in their garage or other informal location, there's no safety process in place," he said. Like the ones our government has? Homer Simpson running the nuclear plant isn't far afield

Some also fear that terrorists might attempt do-it-yourself genetic engineering. But Patterson said: "A terrorist doesn't need to go to the DIYbio community. They can just enroll in their local community college." Or flight school

How Do I Love Free?

Let me count the ways...

I had to switch gas stations (again) recently as that sweet deal of 'pay cash and we'll give you ten cents off per gallon' suddenly evaporated faster than the gas fumes off my mittens over at the Citgo station I had just discovered. Seems they changed hands and were offering a special for cash-payers who were willing to walk through icy puddles into their creepy little vestibule and hand over the green stuff (read: Bargain Hunters Like Myself) but suddenly their per-gallon price jumped exponentially on the high octane my baby thrives on, so I had to move on.

Went to a grocery-store outpost and was frustrated by their pay-at-the-pump malfunction. Since I was inside anyway, might as well get some coffee. I was pleasantly surprised to find they refused my dollar, saying it was FREE with fill up! MMMMMM!!! Nothing tastes as good as free! Much like deep-frying or dipping in chocolate or cheese, there aren't many items that can't be improved by "free".

Had a bad experience with FREE just the other day, however. Went to McDonalds to get my Monday FREE small morning coffee, and told the kid behind the takeout speaker as much. Sorry, that doesn't start until seven a.m., I was told. What? Limits on FREE? Is nothing sacred? Just because I'm an early bird, I don't qualify? Roaming bands of old folks looking for senior discounts come by a moment ago, or what? Blinking in disbelief at my car clock that read 6:39 I roared off in a huff. Gave plenty of my hard-earned cash to Dunkin Donuts instead. They are famous for taking my coupon, and then handing it right back to me, and other little niceties.

Watch out, Ronald. Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm not leaving with out my FREE, even if I have to circle the block for twenty minutes. You will not win, large evil corporation. I have coupons, and I'm not afraid to use them.

Wish I'd Said That!

Ford Motors is working on a brand new car called the Fusion. It's a hybrid and runs on a combination of gas and bailout money." --David Letterman

Too Much Sax and Violins for Children

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Christmas May Be Over...

But my birthday isn't far behind!

Here's an awesome gift idea...

From the Chicago Tribune:

Looking to honor a loved one by naming a new species of mammal after them this holiday season? Starting Monday, Purdue University researchers will be auctioning off the naming rights to seven recently discovered types of bats hailing from Mexico, South America, Central America and Africa. And if the bats seem too "last Christmas," there's also a pair of yet-to-be-named Amazonian turtles up for grabs.

Cheloniidae Getalifum, anyone?

Worth the Wait

Spent a butt-numbing four hours on the couch yesterday watching Ben Hur on our new 52" TV! (Note to Consumers: High Definition does nothing to improve the quality of bad acting, cliched script, crappy accents, or really awful make-up jobs designed to impart 'ethnicity' to mis-cast actors.)

Now of course the whole reason I watched this entire (commercial-free, thank God! Just an intermission) epic was to catch the eight-minute chariot race scene, and all these years later it did not disappoint. I recall loving it as a youngster, but back then I rooted for the black horses. Never did like white ones. This time, I was able to appreciate the beauty of the white Arabian team and the incredible training that must have taken place behind the scenes.

I also liked how the movie depicted Ben as thanking each horse for his efforts right after the race. Also fun were the galley slave scenes and Roman parade shots. Love those uniforms!

As an incredibly unexpected treat, after the movie they showed a publicity clip of some sort made at the time to show how the horses were trained. It was in black and white, and very much a phony propaganda short.

It opened with these two 'moguls' walking the countryside (Italian?) looking for horses to star in the film. They looked like Mafia don extras, complete with loud suits, fedoras, dark sunglasses, and huge cigars. A white horse pulling a farm cart approaches and these two talent scouts stop the driver to give the work horse the once-over. One glance can tell this horse has never done a day's work in it's pampered life and this scene is pure fantasy. This show Arabian is waved over to the studio lot where he is shod and brushed. I guess it was supposed to be the equivalent of being discovered Schwabb's drugstore and having your teeth straightened or something.

The clip turned a little more documentary-esqe at that point; they showed trainers lunging horses, teaching tricks, and ultimately hitching them in groups of four. They taught them to rear on command, both in harness and out. Some could also kneel and do other little routines on cue. Then came the main attraction - setting up a jump for an entire team of four to leap over while dragging an empty chariot! I guess I took that shot for fancy camera work, but these horses could really do it in an empty arena and the little cart bumped right along with them. If you get the chance to see this clip, it really is quite fascinating.

After Ben, they did a Humphrey Bogart film festival as it was Bogie's birthday and I was able to watch Casablanca on the big screen. Amazingly, it was in original black and white! Ted must be mellowing in his old age or something, and didn't colorize it just because he could.

Older is Better

Am I the only one who likes the old black Volkswagen Beetle in the commercials better than the new model they are actually intended to promote?

Auto Abuse!!

From Right Celebrity:

Mega-rich Paris Hilton has just bought herself a very pink Bentley car for Christmas! The car is worth an estimated $200,000. The singer-actress-party girl says she got the fully customised car because it fulfils her childhood fantasy of being just like her heroine, Barbie. As in Barbie doll — I. so. kid. you. not.
“I’ve just always wanted a pink car. I think when you’re a little girl and you have the Barbie corvette, you’re always like ‘Oh I wish I had a car like this one day’. So I think it just comes from being a fan of Barbie for so long.”
Hey, I’m a girly, girl myself and love the color pink but this is just waaayyy too much of the pepto-kind. But in fairness to Paris, she also added this:
“This is a car that I cannot drive every single day but I will be driving a lot. They put on protective tint on the windows so no paparazzi flashes can come through.”

Oh, Pul-eeze! My Barbie had a green 70s Vette, but you didn't see me buying one of those, did you?

Were Your Holidays This Lonely?

Knut's current quarters aren't even big enough for the 440-pound predator, let alone the addition of some guy. Officials recently announced that Knut will have to relocate if the zoo can't build a new enclosure for him, which appears virtually impossible due to lack of space.

BERLIN (AP) ―

A man jumped into the Berlin zoo enclosure of famed polar bear Knut on Monday, but officials were able to keep the animal away from the intruder by distracting him with a leg of beef, police said. The 37-year-old man jumped over a fence into a water-filled ditch at the edge of the bear's enclosure Monday morning, police said in a statement.Zoo keepers, who had just let Knut into his outdoor enclosure, were able to lure the bear back into his cage by producing a leg of beef.Police said the man, a German, was less cooperative, initially ignoring instructions to leave the enclosure. He was led away unharmed but, although he was soaked and cold, he refused to undergo a medical checkup.Police said that, before being let go, the man told them that he felt lonely and the bear appeared lonely, too.Knut, now age 2, was hand-raised after his mother rejected him at birth. He rose to stardom early last year as a cute white ball of fluff, but has since grown rapidly into a hulking 440-pound (200-kilogram) predator.

Santa Hits the No-Fly Zone

May Your Holidays Need No Bailout!

I'm Going Green for Christmas!

Saving the environment?

No!

I'm just asking for cash.

Here's a Thought...

No guests? All winter?

Stephen King should tackle a frightfully contemporary subject - the economy!

Something about bankruptcy and foreclosure. I know! His own personal story of how he lost his millions:

"Maybe it was that island I bought. Or perhaps the Lamborghini I gave the paperboy for Christmas... at any rate, Christine was being repossessed* and Cujo was getting far too hungry."

*get it?

Things I am Not Above Trying

From the Chicago Tribune:

10 really bad Christmas songs
—James Oliphant

Ten Holiday Songs Guaranteed to Send Your Family Home Early:

10. "Last Christmas," Wham!"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart," George Michael sadly sings, "and the very next day, you gave it away." This is what the Seinfeld folks call "regifting," although it usually involves something like a label-maker.

9. "Santa Can't Stay," Dwight YoakamThis "Santa" apparently has child-custody issues: "Momma said Santa can't stay," Yoakam sings. "Said she told him that twice yesterday. Then a car just like Dad's pulled out and drove away."

8. "Silver and Gold," Burl IvesThis song from the holiday chestnut "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is nothing less a thinly veiled manifesto by libertarian radical Ives that calls for the U.S. to return to the gold standard.

7. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" Band AidYes, I know. Sacrilege. But tell me you don't flip this arch, guilt-inducing holiday downer off the moment it pops up on the radio, especially if you are on your way to the mall.

6. "Merry Christmas from the Family," Robert Earl KeenTroubadour Keen gives us a trailer-trash ode to the holidays. "Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go," he warbles. "We need some celery and a can of fake snow." Poetry.

5. "The Nutcracker Suite," TchaikovskySee this little number as a young boy, as I did, and it risks putting you off of ballet, fairies, soldiers, sugarplums, mice, and, well, nuts.

4. "Santa Baby," MadonnaRun, Santa, run! Before you know it, she'll have the sleigh and the workshop, and you'll be sleeping at the YMCA.

3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," John Cougar MellencampHave you seen the diminutive Mellencamp's wife, former supermodel Elaine Irwin? Santa is the least of his worries.

2. "The Christmas Song," Alvin and the Chipmunks Nostalgic for the days when America found comedy in simply speeding up the recording of someone's voice? Ah, such innocence.

1. "Little Drummer Boy," Bing Crosby and David BowieIn the video, still available all over the Internet, Crosby invites a wandering Bowie into his "home." In real life, Crosby probably would have called the cops.

Copyright © 2008, Chicago Tribune

Cavys Roasting on an Open Fire...

Before After

Times are Tough When...

LIMA, Peru - Are hard times threatening your Christmas dinner? Well then, Peru has the answer: guinea pig.
Officials in the coastal Peruvian province of Callao on Monday hailed the Andean rodent as a low-cost, low-fat alternative to a traditional turkey or roast pork Christmas dinner.
Guinea pigs can feed seven or eight for about $3.20, Callao official Mario Sanguinity told Associated Press Television.
"The idea is to give the people a tasty, economical option," he said.
The presentation included a live guinea pig dressed as Santa Claus and eight of its comrades laid out fried, broiled and roasted in traditional dishes from different regions of Peru.
Callao resident Silvia Carazas said she plans to make the switch to guinea pig at Christmas.
"The animal is rich in protein and has zero cholesterol as well, very important for those of us looking to watch our weight," she said.
The tiny cuts of white meat are often compared to rabbit and dark chicken. Called "cuy" in Peru, guinea pig is a stable source of income for farmers and holds an elevated place in Andean folklore.

I am so starting a a Guinea Pig farm....

Apocalypse (S)now

Missed work Friday, as the ten inches of snow showed up just as predicted.

Remember when Grandma's rheumatism was the only indication a big storm was on the way? No? OK, me neither. But I DO recall a time when winter wasn't so brutal. When there was a least two months out of the year that were 'poor sleddin'.

I don't just have SAD (Seasonal Affectation Disorder) I have full-blown MAD (Major Attitude Disorder) due to snowfall amounts. Characterized by a fear of driving into a snowdrift and looking fat in puffy coats, MAD can only be cured by uncharacteristically mild temperatures and an extended convertible season.

Why Suicides Go Up at Christmas

From the Must Suck to Be You File:

Beautiful Jennifer Anison made eight million dollars spending her time with Owen Wilson and a bunch of golden Labs. Meanwhile, I slave away in Blog-scuirty.

Yes, Virginia!

There is a Recession!

Now go get your Mommy to buy you something in the toy aisle. All I want for Christmas is a better economy!

Sure She Was

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Snowmageddon!!

Gee, wonder why you haven't heard from me in weeks? Gosh, could it be like the worst fall EVER? (It's not even the first day of winter and we've broken all kinds of snow and ice records for December). Remember when you were a kid and you wished for a white Christmas? Well, I'm wishing to never see snow again, but that's not gonna happen, now is it Al Gore??

Tonight the weatherman pointed right at my house on his little map and said "up to ten inches of snow in the northern viewing area by this time Friday..."

I kept waiting for him to add, "But what do I care? I live in this nice warm box in your living room and won't be on the expressway for four hours like the rest of you idiots"

It's Not Easy Being Too Green

So I decide to ramp up my planet-saving efforts to the next level by using cloth bags when shopping.

Now I have piles of newspapers and empty jars lying about that were previously sorted in to plastic baggies for easy transport to the recycling center.

There's just no winning.

Post 1000

Whoo Hoo! This is Post #999

Just thought you'd like to know.

You may now move on to Post 1000.

Triple-Bolting the Barn Door Shut After the Horse(less Carriage) has Left

Lesson for Big Three automakers:

Old way of doing business just won't fly
By JEFF KAROUB and TOM KRISHER AP Business Writers

DETROIT (AP)

If the Detroit Three automakers have learned anything since their last trip to Washington, it's that the old way of doing business just won't fly. So the decision by auto executives to travel in hybrid cars rather than corporate jets is just the start to overhauling their image as the industry pleads its case for $25 billion in federal loans. See: Too Little, Too Late Award

Ford CEO Alan Mulally left for the capital Tuesday afternoon in a small Ford Escape sport utility vehicle, which runs on gas and electricity. Rick Wagoner of GM departs Wednesday in a hybrid Chevrolet Malibu. Chrysler LLC said its chief executive, Robert Nardelli, would leave Tuesday night, driving a hybrid Dodge Durango or Chrysler Aspen SUV. Excuse Me? What is the point of being the CEO of Ford if not getting to drive the coolest Shelby Cobra Mustang ever? Or GM-Corvette ZR1?? Chrysler? Well, they're done for.

The move to travel more like regular Americans comes after the CEOs' last visit for hearings in November turned into a public relations disaster. Lawmakers learned that all three had flown in separate corporate jets to ask for the bailout dollars, and critics harangued the CEOs.Democratic Rep. Gary Ackerman of New York, a member of the House Financial Services Committee, said last month that it was "a delicious irony" to see the executives arrive on private jets "with tin cups in their hands." In response, the automakers said top executives needed to fly on corporate planes for security reasons. Like I said, perhaps if they weren't so hated, they wouldn't need security...

In an effort to curb bad publicity, Ford Motor Corp. and General Motors Corp. said their CEOs would take the wheel for at least part of the roughly nine-hour trip. Do any have a valid Driver's Licence?

"Mulally drove part of the way and did business by telephone, but not while behind the wheel, he said.In keeping with the company's new no-frills approach, GM spokesman Greg Martin said Wagoner was expected to make the trip without any extended stops and arrive in Washington on Wednesday night. Wagoner is staying at a "moderately-priced hotel," though Martin would not disclose which one.He's traveling in a three-car caravan and will alternate riding in the Malibu, the Chevrolet Cobalt XFE, the company's highest-mileage vehicle, and a Buick Lucerne sedan, which runs on fuel that's 85 percent ethanol. Whoopee.

Carmageddon is Coming! Carmageddon is Coming!

Gasp! Due to low sales in their number one market- the U.S.- Porsche announced it will cease production!

Volkswagen AG and Porsche said last week that they will temporarily suspend production at their largest plants. Porsche said sales of its trademark 911 sports car in the U.S., its largest market, "can hardly be reliably calculated."

What? That dealership in downtown Dubai not posting record sales? Oh, let me get this straight - the world's economy is depending on my buying a gas-guzzling supercar? I'm liking this scenario more and more by the minute. Hello, Ferrari? Would you like to make a bid for my business??

Supercars! Send your coupons to me c/o this website. May the best rebate win.