Some Stories Just Re-Write Themselves...

Was it insured by State Farm?

Squareville – “Cartoon Horse” was a target as soon as he arrived in Squareville.

His ears were mauled. His treasure chest jostled. And eventually, despite being bolted to a 300-pound concrete slab, he simply was gone, stolen from his home at 218 Main St. Police believe that it was taken sometime between 9 p.m. Saturday and 9 a.m. Sunday.

In a totally unrelated story, Dozens O' Donuts had their annual All Night Sale 9 p.m. Saturday to 9 a.m. Sunday...

“Whoever executed this theft either had equipment or a team of people,” said Ann Henslee, community outreach director for the Main Stay Therapeutic Riding Program.

Or help from the police?

“It’s insane. It’s crazy. And it’s very depressing. We’re terrified for the other horses.”

Is it too soon to suggest next year's theme be Flesh-Eating Zombie Horses from Beyond the Grave? Thestrals?

“Cartoon Horse” was one of 26 decorative rocking horses that appeared on the Square last week as part of a fundraiser for Main Stay. Main Stay has provided individualized equine-related therapy to help people with disabilities since 1984.

Rocking Horse Rustlers at Large!!

The “Rock On” fundraiser is a follow-up to last year’s “Horses of a Different Color,” in which fiberglass carousel horses were painted by local artists and placed around the Square.

Those were actually attractive. Perhaps the vandals were making a point in a misguided way. Everyone I've spoken to this year thinks the rocking horses are really ugly.

Each horse had a different theme, and at the end of the summer, the horses were auctioned off, raising about $50,000 for Main Stay.

I'm not seeing a market for this years, we'll have to see.

Despite the popularity and success of the program, “Horses of a Different Color” was not without incident. In August 2009, vandals hit three of the horses one morning, causing more than $450 in damage.

Bad enough, but none disappeared.

“Luck of the Irish,” near the former O’Leary’s Pub, got the worst of it.

The rocking horses featured in this year’s fundraiser were placed on the Square on Thursday. The kickoff is today on the Square with an ice cream social and a concert at 7:30 p.m.

Henslee said that within six hours, the horse, located almost directly across the street from the Classic Cinemas movie theater, had been damaged.

“Someone had been very cruel to its ears,” Henslee said. Later, it was apparent that the treasure chest below “Cartoon Horse” had been “disturbed.”

The artwork was disturbed to begin with.

Henslee said the theft was a loss for Main Stay, which planned to auction the horse in September as part of this year’s fundraiser. However, she said, it also is a loss for the community.

“How can you move something that heavy without someone hearing that or seeing that? There are bars around there, a movie theater, apartments,” Henslee said.

And the cops were where?? I feel so safe in Squareville.

Woodstock Police Sgt. Richard Johns said that there was little evidence left at the scene.

Were there two parallel lines dragged off into the sunset?

“[It’s] just gone,” Johns said. “From my understanding, it’s quite heavy.”

(Insert Twilight Zone music here)

Johns said that the police planned extra patrols around areas where the “Rock On” horses were “to keep an eye on them.”

Nothing like shutting the barn door after the rocking horse is gone...