Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Have a Heart, Association

Dear Charitable Organization:

Do you really think in this economy I have money to give you? You sure have money to hound me with, however.

Do you really think spelling my name wrong is the way to my wallet? It's not that unusual, people.

That killing trees by the thousand to stuff my mailbox with your junky calendars will make me donate to your conservation group?

Do you really think those harelip baby photographs you send will soften my heart to the point of sending you money rather than exclaiming, "Ewwww!" and tossing your missive in the nearest trash?

Lung Cancer Foundation - why don't you just send me some balloons? Those stickers are stupid.

And you, Macular Degeneration foundation - sure, the extra large print on the envelope was worth a snicker, but it won't work with me. I don't see myself giving you any hard earned cash in the near future. (Not when my eye doctor thinks he's going to retire on one exam ...mine, apparently!)

My personal favorite? The Alzheimer's Research Foundation. I've been meaning to give, but I forgot where I put your envelope.

One of the few do I give to? Disabled American Veterans. They send me cute address labels and spell my name right.

Want my money non-profit? Help sea turtles or needy Corvettes and send me some nice address stickers. It's not rocket science.

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