Blog Time

Hey, readers!

Greatest (Weather) January Ever, Day 15!!








Here's someone who knows a few things about Satan

Long time no post! It’s been a mess here, with Mr. Right taking an online course and monopolizing the computer. I mean, I could write without an internet connection, but then I would still need to research and create links before making a final post, and I haven’t tried that yet. So for now, my only post day is Sunday. Sorry. I will try harder in the future.

As I may have mentioned, Mr. All Questions Absolutely Right obsesses over every test, quiz, grade, teacher feedback, etc. Why he wants a double major in CIS and Business Management (with a minor in Overachieving) is beyond me. He agonizes over each and every assignment and is devastated when he fails to get 100%.

Reminds me of the line in the third book of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban about the Bogarts. A Bogart takes the form of the thing you are most afraid of, and Ron teases Hermione, “What would it look like for you? A test paper with only 9 out of 10 right?’

I just love it when he argues the instructor is wrong. My pleas of ‘Why don’t you just become a professor yourself?’ go unanswered. Right now he’s agonizing over his first ‘discussion board’ score. It’s a low B!!! Horrors! I said perhaps the instructor wants you to aim higher, you know, give out a low grade to start. Mr. A+++ didn’t want to hear it. Do they give out Valedictorians in Anal Retentiveness? Whatever.

Let’s see. I need to mention so many things! Did you hear about the stampede in Saudi Arabia where some 345 people were trampled to death making a pilgrimage known as the stoning of the devil ritual? All they need to do in order to prevent future tragedies is put up a few signs along the way to the pillars. Something along the lines of the children’s game Simon Says. You know, like: Allah Says No Pushing! Allah Says Stay on the Ramp! Declare Jihad!... Oh, I didn’t say Allah Says!! George W. Bush would solve this by posting a sign that says Satan Wins if you Push. Oh, that would work. Not.

Perhaps you’ve heard about Governor Rod Blagojevich’s suggestion we add Keno to legalized gambling in Illinois. This from the same brilliant mind who gave money to rebuild a church, a clear violation of the separation of church and state, but I digress. I think it’s a stupid idea. The amount of money spent on gamboling is pretty finite in most cases, and I think Keno would bring little in the way of new dollars at best. Now I’ve been to Vegas enough times to know that it is extremely tempting to play a few rounds of Keno while waiting for your meal in a restaurant. It’s only a few dollars and very convenient. The odds are horrible, but so are the odds for the lotto. It’s just the ease. I didn’t have to walk into a gas station (love that pay-at-the pump) or remember while at the grocery store. (Heck, when I’m at the grocery store I’m taking a huge gamble with my life in the canned tuna section, why waste another dollar?) Still, Social Security checks are shrinking, so even addicted gamblers will just end up dividing their dollars between the options.

What is needed is a new game that would tempt people like myself – not really interested in gambling, but a bit of an armchair quarterback - into betting. How better than by betting on Illinois politics? Handicap every public figure and post odds on a big tote board in front of the capitol. Chances of the Secretary of State being indicted on fraud? 5 to 7. Odds of the Governor being recalled? 2 to 1. Odds of Betty Maltese being released early? 14 to 1. Chances of Tollways ever becoming freeways as they were promised: 15 billion to one. Odds that Lotto money will ever make education self-sustaining: 32 trillion to .5. Chances of Lincoln spinning in his grave? Even money.

I keep hearing that since the advent of Quincy, many young people desire to go into the field of forensics. A flip through the channels yields tons of shows like CSI using science to solve crimes. Why not a survivor-type reality show that uncovers the dirty dealings that college students fall prey to as they compete for an ever-increasingly-difficult-to-obtain spot in crime solving and forensic schools? They could be killing each other for the prized slots, and using their knowledge to cover up their heinous deeds. Kane Citizen suggested the title “Stiff Competition”. I’m leaning towards Dying for Acceptance.

This brings up a good question: should couples watch shows like The Staircase? Is it just asking for trouble to let your spouse see how not to make common mistakes when killing your mate? Mr. Right and I have already had that little talk. All I have to say is, if Bucky ever falls of the mantle and impales me to death causing an ocean of blood over everything except the Ugly Couch, I want you to re-open that investigation! It was no accident!!

On the heels of the announcement that doctors admit most cough remedies sold over the counter don’t work, and they don’t care enough to address it (this could go either way: doctors could act as patient advocates and push for research to see if the over-the counter stuff could even be harmful, or they could just do a big self-serving ad campaign called See Your Doctor for The Good Stuff) comes a new law restricting the sale of certain decongestants. Seems many pseudoephedrine-based cold pills can be melted down to make meth. In order to purchase the pills, you must now go to the pharmacy counter (this restricts sale hours) where they are locked up. You must then produce ID and sign for the pills. Oh, great. Now Big Brother knows just how drippy my nose is. Stop the insanity! You want to regulate things that can be used in a harmful fashion but have legitimate medicinal purposes for innocent sufferers? Fine. Then legalize marijuana. Some cancer patients really need it, and the efficacy of pills is not the same.

Headline in the Business Section: Can the Camaro concept save GM? Excuse me? How about firing the idiots who cancelled it in the first place? GM is moments away from bankruptcy. Should I order a new Corvette now? What if…

Front Page Headline: Nation’s Phones Tapped Government analyzing massive amount of calls, e-mail traffic. Who does George W. Bush think he is? My employer? I'd love to look into my file to see my 'ties with Al Quaeda. Yeah. Right. I thought so.

The Heat is On!

Once again, record breaking heat in my area!! Daytime highs predicted to be 25 degrees above average for JANUARY!

Whoo Hoo! You go, global warming!

Petite Filets

So cute! So Tasty!

I've found my calling! Raising Mini-Cattle! These cute little (about a third of the size of a regular steer) critters need little acreage, less food and produce enough beef to feed a family of four for six months.

According to Falster Farms,

Mini Registered Hereford beef cattle are only about 42" in height but produce upwards to 70% of the rib-eye area of animals twice their size and yield smaller, right-sized steaks! These miniatures are the most efficient, absolutely the cutest and tastiest cows available. Gentle and easy to care for, these little cows are ideal for small acreages, companion programs, and family "freezer locker" operations.

Yum. Now may I borrow $17K to get started?

Words to Live By

If Scooby Doo has taught me anything, it's that there's nothing to be afraid of except crooked real estate developers...

Too Gooders

Call in Robert Langdon!

Gotta love the story about the recent vandalism at a Fraternite Notre Dame retreat. Read full background and incident accounts here and here.

First off, residents opposed the religious order's plans for their 65 acre site, so it could be argued the sect is a victim of backlash from the decision to allow them to develop the property. Boy, do I know how the neighbors feel!

McHenry County Board member Barbara Wheeler said Tuesday that she believed that the vandalism might be the work of malicious adults whose religious beliefs clash with those of the order.

Sorry, Barbara, I don't believe it has anything to do with religion. Perhaps they are disliked for their land use plan? In that case, the order is not alone in culpability. It goes to the zoning and city/county boards that approve such use. The only dissentersrs in the decision were those county board members who lived nearby.

It certainly could be a few teens causing destruction. Yet you must admit; when some school busses were vandalized in December, police collared suspects within two days. Where are our suspects now?

The charges could range from a felony hate crime to a misdemeanor charge of property damage, McHenry County Assistant State's Attorney Thomas Carroll said. A conspiracy charge could be a possibility, Carroll said, if multiple people were involved.

Conspiracy theory? Hello, Dan Brown?

Secondly, the Catholic Church, whom the Fraternite claims to be affiliated with, disavowed this bunch long ago. Amy Wellborn's take here...

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with splintering off, just that tensions continue to exist internally and externally. Was there more to the graffiti than meets the eye??

What of the sect's refusal of help from the concerned public? Were they really awaiting an insurance adjustment? Had someone called Statues-R-Us to see what solvents could be used on fiberglass? Or were they just being, well, French?

"Even with the best intentions in the world, they [should have been] respectful of private property," the Rev. Philippe Marie said. "This is the United States, not Russia or something."

Um, have you read the fine print of the Patriot Act lately?

Finally, I'm no corrosive chemical genius myself, but paint remover on a colored statue? What were these people thinking? Good intentions? Or a vigilante posse of make-worsers?

Stay tuned for another episode of 'Goo-Gone Gone Wild!'

Achoo, part II

Have to give credit where credit is due! Walked into the local Jewel-Osco store the other day (motto: Thank you, Wal-Mart, for busting that annoying Baggers Union) and lo and behold! What to my wondering eyes did appear but a little canister of Disinfecting Wipes to use on your cart handle! Wow! They read my mind. Or blog. At any rate, this was most welcome. This brings up a great new gift book for that annoying co-worker: The Hypochondriac’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have.

What're the Odds? Department

Cousins from across the pond?

Drinking problem sinks Liberal leader

Items compiled from Tribune news services

Published January 8, 2006

LONDON, BRITAN -- The leader of Britain's opposition Liberal Democrats resigned under pressure from the party Saturday, days after he acknowledged battling a drinking problem.

Charles Kennedy had initially resisted stepping down despite calls for him to quit from nearly half of the party's lawmakers, saying the Liberal Democrats' rank and file still backed him.

He changed course Saturday, saying he was resigning immediately and would not run in the leadership elections he had announced Thursday.

"In all of this, the interests of our party have got to come first, that's where my personal, my political and my constitutional duty lies," Kennedy said at a news conference at Liberal Democrats' headquarters in London.

Kennedy, 46, acknowledged for first time Thursday that he had sought medical help for his drinking.

New Year’s Resolutions

See the exhibit Pompeii

See the musical Wicked

Become Editor of the Chicago Tribune*

Find out how fast my new car is

You know that supposed 8% of humankind that is using up 40% of the Earth’s natural resources? Work on getting that other 92% down to a more manageable 96%

Move to a planet where they appreciate me

Get A Life!


*(something tells me there’s a corner office empty since they ran '12 found alive in coal mine’ and repeated Tuesday’s comic page on Wednesday in the January 4 paper)

Looks Like a Hot Wheels Toy

Here’s a story about Jay Leno driving a 2006 Corvette Z06 as the Daytona 500 Pace Car.

Corvette has been selected as pace cars for races more than any other model, and for a mere $60K, it’s nice to know it could win the race as well:

Interestingly, the Corvette Z06’s 505-horsepower (377 kw) output is actually more than the power produced by the race cars that will compete in the Daytona 500 – a first for a pace car. This is because of the unique "restrictor plate" rule established for the Daytona and Talladega , Ala. racetracks. On these 2.5-mile-long super speedways, the restrictor plate reduces airflow into the engine to limit horsepower and keep race car speeds below 200 mph. With a restrictor plate, racing engine power is reduced from about 750 horsepower to about 450 horsepower.

As I always say, you can never be too rich, too thin, or have too much horsepower…

Regarding that paint job:

The Corvette Z06 Daytona 500 wears a unique paint scheme, inspired by the hot-to-cool color transition of a space capsule entering Earth’s atmosphere at a high rate of speed. The paint scheme is carried out with an elaborate, interlocking scallops design – a twist on hot rod-style flames – that blends "hot" Lemon Drop yellow at the nose of the Corvette with Lemon Glow, Amber Ecstasy, Blazing Copper and Hot Poppy. The colors culminate with a cool Sapphire Trance blue color at the rear of the vehicle. DuPont, the sponsor of Jeff Gordon’s No. 24 Monte Carlo, supplied the colors, which are from the company’s "Hot Hues" line of automotive paint.

That’s Professor DeLay to you…

I’m back! Seems I only have time to blog on the weekends, and this will be true more than ever as Mr. Right-as-soon–as-I-get-another-A takes an on-line course in Business Ethics* and ties up the connection further. Personally, after hearing his story about how he tried to pay for the course at the last possible moment (in order for the credit card billing to be applied to the next month) and encountered a computer glitch, I can’t help but think a course in Business Organization is in order here. How this type A++ personality can wait until two days before a course begins to order a book, register, etc. yet still succeed is beyond me. Heck, it’s an ethics course. Why didn’t he just kite them a check?

So what sucked up my time this weekend? None other than The Staircase, a trial documentary loaned to my by KaneCitizen. (Read his comments here.) As for myself, I think Michael Peterson is innocent... But I would check into his buddy’s death in Grenada, just in case it turns out to be tied to a hit by a gay soldier of fortune… I mean, just to be on the safe side.

I still have season one of Arrested Development to view! Why Fox couldn’t keep this on, or NBC purchase it (after what they spent on Joey, why not go for a proven award winner and build the fan base?) is beyond me. Hopefully, they will find a home on Showtime. Which I’m too cheap to subscribe to, but at least I can purchase these season compilations after the fact.

Trying to fit in some print/audio books in between all the other insanity as well.

My personal picks for the top two books I enjoyed in 2005 are Freakonomics, (author blog: freakonomics.com) and A Short History of Nearly Everything by one of my favorite authors of all times, Bill Bryson.

Another blogger of note who had her postings compiled into a wonderful book, Baghdad Burning, is Riverbend, be sure to visit her here: riverbendblog.blogspot.com

I also read Teacher Man by Frank McCourt. It’s good, but nothing touches Angela’s Ashes.

I’m currently working on What Every American Should Know About Who’s Really Running the World by Melissa Rossi. It’s a nice follow-up to her What Every American Should Know About the Rest of the World. Preachin' to the choir....

Next on my list is Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. Hope it’s not too dead. Would it kill me to read it? I’ve only had it lying around for about a year. Rigor is setting in…

In audio, I’m enjoying Harry Potter (currently on book three) and have also enjoyed Kira Kira and the Mistmantle Chronicles. Well, Mistmantle was a little squirrelly for me. So Harry Potter wins, hands down.

Hey! Only one reader has weighed in on the Dewey vs. Dilbert debate! C’mon folks, let’s see some comments! Still unable to fit the cartoon feed into my sidebar, despite some 'pretty close but no cigar' moments. Will continue the quest! Until then, scroll to bottom.

*Final Exam: “State the following with a straight face: During my time in Congress, I have always acted in an ethical manner within the rules of our body and the laws of our land.”

Speaking of the news imatating the Simpsons:

A Nebraska fisherman caught a rainbow trout with two mouths last month, and said he plans to eat the deformed fish. (See a picture and read story here.) Scarier still is the fact that Don Gablehouse, head of the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission is quoted as saying

"It's probably a genetic deformity, I don't think there's anything wrong with it"

Um, excuse me, but external factors, like mercury poisoning and radiation can CAUSE genetic deformities...

I know I'll sleep better knowing the head of Nebraska's wildlife department sees nothing wrong with eating deformed fish. Or having lakes full of them.

I'm not the only one who tapped into that line of reasoning, as evidenced by these bloggers.

Master Pieces Theater of the Macabre

Ever wonder what happened to Alistair Cooke? In a story straight from a Simpsons episode with Doctor Nick, he may be in a truck driver or waitress near you. Seems his body parts may have been sold for profit, without his family’s consent. I just want to go on record now: please sell my tissues for as much as you can possibly get. I’m worth way more than $7K! What good will my organs do in a pine box? A low mileage liver can give someone a second chance. Or is that a last call?

Blogbert

I’m adding a new link to the blogroll, the Dilbert Blog. Creator Scott Adams is one of the funniest and most intelligent guys writing today, be it his blog, books or comic strip. I love Dogbert, in case you couldn't tell. Some of his recent posts invite debate about torture, (Would you resist torture at any cost, even if it meant the loss of NYC?) good works, (Who is holier, Mother Teresa or Bill Gates) and religion (If Santa Claus fought Jesus, who would win?). The responses get pretty wild of course, and Adams is always above the fray. Despite reader’s misguided attempts to discern his standing on an issue, Adams just does the questioning. Why doesn’t he run for some office? As Catbert would say, Purr, Purr.

While we’re mentioning great blogs and comic strips - (Notice how the two go together? I need to dust off that Emergency Waitress graphic novel I started…) Another site to try is OverdueMedia. Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum have created a wonderful strip about a public library. I’ve met them and am impressed by their decision to give their strip away to subscribers. I am featuring their daily strip here and hope you will support them by visiting their site and purchasing licenced merchandise. They are financed by book and merchandise sales, both of which I heartily endorse! All three books are great, and my Mad About Reading Cow T-Shirt is a real hit at the health club. Do check them out!

This all just begs the question: If Dewey took on Dilbert at Tetris, who would win?

I'm Not the Only One Lamenting Change

Here's a good article by Dennis McCann about the Field's to Macy's fiasco. I'm disheartened by his report that most shoppers will patronize Macy's. They'd have to REALLY clean the toilets to get in my good graces.

Blogging Through Another Year

I realize that people all over the world have bigger problems, but frankly I can’t feel their pain. For some reason I only feel my own. I’m lucky that way.
Scott Adams


Dwelling on my own pain here as developers threaten my homestead from every side. I’m really afraid we’ll lose the Ponderosa this time, paw…

Spoke with a Land Conservancy representative today and discussed our strategy. We will attend the annexation meeting tomorrow, but I know how useful that will be. This ties in to a great movie I saw yesterday, The Weeping Camel. Thanks to KaneCitizen for loaning me many good movies of late, a few of which I will mention here.

The Story of the Weeping Camel was a great look at life on the steppes of the Gobi. I highly recommend checking this out; it’s a heartwarming look at people eking out a living in a harsh clime. Of course, the scene that resonated for me was the one where a tiny clan of sustenance shepherds gathered to offer a Buddhist prayer emphasizing the need to treat the land with respect; not over-develop it, as they were not the last generation on earth. The camera then pans about twelve thousand miles of nothing… No trees. No houses. No Water Parks, Affordable Housing or Condo Conversions. Just howling wind, dry grasses and a few mountains on the horizon. Can I join these folks? Seems they are worried about poor land use policies too. Perhaps we could draft an ordinance together to keep out the mini-bikes seen in the next town over…

Oh, and there’s a camel. She gives birth and rejects her cute little white calf. Mr. Right started making animal husbandry suggestions at one point. As if the guy with the violin wouldn’t succeed? These people have been raising camels since long before Genghis Khan was whelped. I think they know what they’re doing…Not to worry. It works out happily.

As heartwarming as the story was, it ended on a note of corrupting Western influence… in the final scene; the family gets a TV and satellite dish. Just what they need after a hard day of spinning camel wool into rope – an episode of Desperate Mongolian Housewives Gone Wild.

Another good flick is The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill. It’s a fascinating study of just how long a social misfit can successfully exist on the fringes of a flock. And there’s some cools stuff about birds, as well.

Loved The Lost World (silent, 1925, but I think I saw the 1929 version - KC?). Read a great interview with David Shepard here. Stop action animation at its finest and lots of errors to point out – what could be better? My favorite faux pax was when they identified a leopard as a jaguar. I could certainly do without the racisim and sexism in these old movies – the ‘screaming blonde’ archetype is wearying. (Note to self: write a dinosaur movie where the beautiful woman is feeding her annoying travelmates to the dinos) Ever notice how every island that time forgot has dinosaurs from every era all smooshed together? At least in Jurassic Park it was the intentional work of a mad scientist with no regard for scientific restraint. Speaking of…

What do you make of the news that Snuppy is a fraud? How disappointing. The next thing you know they’ll discover man never landed on the moon. But we should pour billions into pre-emptively attacking any large naturally-occuring satellites just in case...

Speaking of conspiracies…here’s just a little proof I’m not so crazy after all – it seems that some 1.100 people were given fake flu shots.

A) it happened in Texas
B) it involves ExxonMobil
C) innocents were taken advantage of, and their health put at risk

Another entry for the Wildlife Gone Wild file:

A surfer was attacked by a Great White Shark off the coast of Portland and credits watching the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week for teaching him how to react in such a situation. As an avid fan of Shark Week (who roots for the sharks, of course) I applaud their efforts to educate and inform the public while making it very clear it is humans who are trespassing in the shark’s domain. This is also my philosophy on spiders, a creature I do not like. If I am outside, I leave the spider alone or vacate the area. If I find it in my living room, all bets are off.

Field Trip

We bid adieu to Marshall Field’s yesterday with an official ‘goodbye tour’ of the venerable Chicago landmark that is slated to become Macy’s in fall of 2006. (And never shall I enter it afterwards…)

A girlfriend and I took the free audio tour of the flagship store on State Street Friday and enjoyed it immensely. Do take the opportunity if you’re in town

We arrived just before ten a.m. and went to the Walnut Room as we heard they were giving out ‘pagers’ that would alert you when a table was ready for your lunch, and wanted to be assured a seating.

Upon approaching the desk, we were asked if we would like breakfast or lunch. Some other shoppers said lunch, and were directed to follow a maze-like route that would end in a line for a pager. At that time, the wait for a pager alone was half an hour!

We opted for breakfast and had a delicious meal of scrambled eggs with cheese and chives with a salmon-red potato hash. This might sound unusual, but was quite delicious. The tree was decked out in Swarovski crystal, prompting our speculation about promotional tie-ins and did they pay for ‘placement’ on the tree?

After making fun of some other diners and taking a few pictures, we left to pick up our audio tours from the Visitor’s Desk. The tour is free and there’s a handy coat check right next door. We wandered about listening to tales of the retailer’s history narrated by Bill Moyers (who apparently speaks six other languages, including Japanese, just press four).

It looked like the lunch line (just to get a pager, mind you) was up to about two hours by then! We weren’t sure just what the appeal of bringing three bored kids to stand in line all day in order to not finish their strawberry pancakes ‘because it’s tradition, damn it’, was exactly, but there were plenty of families on hand to prove us wrong. But this did explain why we saw so many parents having cocktails with breakfast that morning….

One of my favorite stops on the tour was the Narcissus Room, a banquet area that was silent – and unlocked. We wandered about listening to the story of the Narcissus Fountain (now topped by a Christmas tree – no Greek god in sight) and I found the light switch so we could take pictures. As I handed the camera to her, I sat on the edge of the dry fountain. She said the shadows were still covering my face, so without prompting I hopped in the fountain for my close-up. How appropriate. Ms. All-About-Me gets her portrait taken in Narcissus’ pool!

Daniel Burnham figures prominently in Field’s history, and I’m glad I read Devil in the White City, which I recommend heartily as a history of the area and a darn good mass-murderer story. Bet Jeffery Dahmer’s apartment building doesn’t have half as an exciting back-story. Take that Milwaukee!

Sorry. Anyhoo…we discovered Lost Staircases, Tiffany Ceilings, Juliet Balconies and Burnham Fountain (which I believe was not erected until after Burnham’s death, as Field thought it too ‘gaudy’)

In traipsing through seven floors of retail space, I came across an awesome little fainting-couch like piece with matching ottoman. It was soooo comfy – just the thing needed for reading by the fire. Gasping, I pointed out the $1100 price tag on the ottoman. Then I found the $3300 price tag on the seat. Nice to know I just had my shoes on it! That was followed by the admiration of the $11, 235 table and eight matching $1600 each dining room chairs…perfect for your next Boardroom meeting. You paid how much for this dinette set? You’re fired!

My friend complemented me for pretty much staying on track during the audio tour – she knows how hard it is for me to pass shiny things without buying them. We returned the equipment and got down to the business of shopping, buying a few clearance items at Fields. I hear the Christmas ornaments and anything imprinted with the Field’s name has long been sold out to rabid souvenir seekers and eBay profiteers.

We looked at the outdoor window displays a little; this year’s theme is Cinderella. I was disappointed I couldn’t discern any secret messages or sabotage efforts by disgruntled employees upset by the sale to Macy’s in the windows. Guess turning into a pumpkin doesn’t upset them all that much. They don’t seem creative enough for that stuff. We agreed we could have done much better window displays. At least make the wicked stepmother look like Ron Klein or something. I would have done A Christmas Carol with the head of Fields as Scrooge being visited by a Sam Walton Marley warning of the folly of profits first (and the dangers of not cleaning your public toilets – that hasn’t been done since 1921 either, I assure you). That’s just me.

We then visited a few other stores, where I fell in love with Nordstrom’s Rack. Great petite section and stupendous prices – I got a turquoise cashmere cardigan for only $19.98! Whoo hoo! Shopping success! Lots of other nice things too, lord knows I don’t have anything to wear in the New Year!

Well, that’s all for now, I need to get ready to play Emergency Waitress for the New Year’s Eve crowd at the restaurant. Hopefully everyone will be drinking so much they don’t notice I never brought their salad.



"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood"
Daniel H. Burnham, Director of Works, Columbian Exposition, 1893

What's Your Winter Look-Miserable?

Your Winter Look is Fashionable

You're the type of girl with a dozen coats and scarves, even if you hardly wear them

What's Your Winter Look?

Long Winter's Nap

I was surfing the web, looking for a definition of 'brumation', when I stumbled upon a fellow blogger with an excellent site...http://answergirlnet.blogspot.com/

As you can imagine, my turtles are fast asleep awaiting the spring and I can only dream of joining them. Somehow it's not working out... I'm sleeping a good 14 hours plus a day (we have some nice four-day weekends for the holiday) but eating incredible amounts and putting on weight! This is so unfair! Bears will wake up thin and hungry in the spring while I'll just waddle to the shorts and tank tops only to find nothing will fit. Then I will cry and want to find a cave. Very backwards. But anyhoo...

Did you know reptiles brumate, rather than hibernate? Now you do. You can learn the meaning of this and many other fascinating terms at Answer Girl's blog. Each day she takes a term, gives the meaning and industry or discipline in which it is used. Kind of a word-of-the day plus. She lists herself as a writer and editor and gives a little personal info as well. Also, the Virginia Beach resident is a Snake in the Chinese Horoscope, just like myself.

I don't agree with the Zodiac symbol of Aquarius as an assessment of my personality type. Typically they cite the altruistic nature of this sign. Great humanitarians. Wants to advance mankind. Supposedly they are not materialistic and want to save the world. Yeah, right. I must have been brumating when they were handing out those qualities.

Per Cafe Astrology:

One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. Ok, true. It's not a track, it's a rut.

With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Ditto

Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions. So what's your point?

Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. True

Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. Yes, we are

They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop they're generally on top of things. Guilty as charged...

Meanwhile over at Chinese.Astrology.com

Diplomatic and popular, the Snake has the sensual art of seduction down. This Sign is an interesting mix of gregariousness paired with introversion, intuitive reasoning paired with savvy business skills. Of course.

Snakes tend to be rather tight with cash Towards others...

The Snake is somewhat insecure deep down Who me??

Slightly dangerous and disarmingly smart, the Snake's philosophical and intuitive mind generally supersedes logic in favor of feelings and instinct. Guilty!

Snakes are hard workers (when they see good reason to be!) and are possessed of a keen intelligence Aw, shucks!

Snakes must try to learn humility Note to self: take an on-line course...

Most compatible sign: The Ox (Mr. Right!)

But the number one reason to love the Chinese Zodiac? I get to be a reptile! Not some dumb guy with a bucket.

Beyond Blogging, or Blogging Beyond...

As if having a blog isn’t enough self-absorption, ever wonder if you could blog from the great beyond? Paul Davidson hasn’t let the fact that Al Gore’s invention of the internet was a few hundred years too late for some folks… He’s written a book called: The Lost Blogs with over 200 entries from your favorite deceased celebrities like Jim Morrison, Abraham Lincoln and Jesus!

As for posthumous blogging, I have stuffed my blogspot password in a sealed envelope to be bequeathed to another Blogger upon my demise. I mean, how hard could it be to continue blogging as me?

Topics to include: It’s Wonderfully Hot Here! or You Call This Heaven? Where’s the Preferred Parking?

Politics of Poo

Alas, the United Kingdom's descent into dhimmitude is beyond parody. Dudley Metropolitan Borough Council (Tory-controlled) has now announced that, following a complaint by a Muslim employee, all work pictures and knick-knacks of novelty pigs and "pig-related items" will be banned. Among the verboten items is one employee's box of tissues, because it features a representation of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet. And, as we know, Muslims regard pigs as "unclean", even an anthropomorphised cartoon pig wearing a scarf and a bright, colourful singlet.

Cllr Mahbubur Rahman is in favour of the blanket pig crackdown. "It is a good thing, it is a tolerance and acceptance of their beliefs and understanding," he said. That's all, folks, as Porky Pig used to stammer at the end of Looney Tunes. Just a little helpful proscription in the interests of tolerance and acceptance.

And where's the harm in that? As Pastor Niemöller said, first they came for Piglet and I did not speak out because I was not a Disney character and, if I was, I'm more of an Eeyore.

Mark Steyn, London Daily Telegraph




If you ask me, Winnie the Poo is the real threat – this soft dim-witted captialistic hedonist has corrupted too many youngsters!

So It Begins

Kong Premier Party

First day of winter. Blah. I don’t know how I will ever get through another three months of this. Seasonal Affectation Disorder is just another of my many charms. Another little observation: for someone who hates snow, I sure do love sweaters with snowflakes on them. This is right up there with the fact that I can’t swim, yet have seven bathing suits. Oh, well.

Keep hearing rave reviews about King Kong, but hesitate to see it, as I hate apes and monkeys, although I loved the (original) Planet of the Apes*.

What does Kong symbolize? Man’s desire to subjugate the Id? Can’t miss the metaphorical message of having the U.S. Military successfully kill anything that threatens tall buildings in New York, now can we? What of the helpless female? Suggestive of the desire to possess beautiful women no matter how inappropriate the relationship might be? Personally, I’m going to play the race card on this one.

The real reason I don’t want to see King Kong is because he kills dinosaurs! These images will be far too disturbing for a herptophile like myself. As far as I’m concerned, the whole planet has been going downhill ever since mammals took over. Dinosaurs ruled for sixty million years and it’s taken man only about 40,000 to foul everything up. Peace on Earth Goodwill to Men? More like: Peace on Earth, No Men.

And who really did win the King Kong-Godzilla war anyhoo?



*(Hey, there’s a sequel that really needed to be made, eh KaneCitizen?)

What Fashion Style Are You?

Your Fashion Style is Urban

You've got a style all your own... and it works Not too trendy, not too freaky - you've got streetwear down to a science You always look cute and put together, but keep it comfortable too You're the type of girl that creates trends and inspires others to be funky

What's Your Fashion Style?

Yet Another Prime-Time interruption

Look too dorky to be a threat to national saftey! Try this hat.
Why does the President insist on calling it a war? It's an occupation. And we're doing a lousy job at it. Those spying incidents Bush has admitted to authorizing? Want to bet one of them is me? Time for the tinfoil hat. No, wait, wool. Warm, fashionable and doesn't conduct radiation as well.

But We All Feel Good About Ourselves

Jersey Village High School teacher Carol Pearsall went to Adopt-A-Classroom to ask for a high-tech system that makes class discussions a little less threatening for shy teens. It costs about $1,000.

"I'm hoping to get an electronic system where all the kids have their own little remote control and I can ask a question and they can respond to it," Pearsall said. "If they're wrong, the other kids can't see."

Houston Chronicle

Gosh, whatever happened to High Schools preparing students for real life? For public speaking? For interaction with their peers and the world around them?

No, instead we have 'shy teen' outreach programs like the above. This way kids can answer electronically and anonymously and not face ridicule. Great. Let's put 10.000 class clowns nationwide out of a job. How else is High School supposed to scar you for life? Most schools have already eliminated gym class.

Heck, this blog is more open to discourse than the above suggested system. Answering questions with no one else seeing the answer used to be called a TEST. Having to raise your hand and speak intelligently and convincingly used to be called CLASS DISCUSSION, and you were graded on it. Let's replace the debate team with the write it on a slip of paper and don't offend anyone team.

What real life situations are we preparing these teens for? Middle East Peace Negotiations?

Now Israel, I want you to write down what you would like on a slip of paper and fold it in half... No peeking Palestine!

These ambitious, well-prepared leaders of tomorrow will go right from High School to - On Line College Courses! Where they will get A's and be ready for - a real live job interview! Not. Perhaps they can just design video games from home. Yes, that would be best. Don't push them.

Still Here (Kinda)

Hey everyone,

Sorry I haven’t posted sooner, but I wasn’t feeling so well this weekend… was it Germ Guy at Wal-Mart? Coughing Co-Worker? Or the fact that I put my bare hands on the shopping cart at the grocery store? At any rate, I would once again put forth the theory that it’s all a vast right-wing conspiracy to keep me weakened by denying our area flu shots for the second year in a row.

This year for little co-worker Christmas gag gifts I’m giving out these tiny tissue packets I found at a World Market store. They have little pictures of reindeer and snowmen printed on tissues wrapped in cellophane with the word “Sniff” on the front. Nothing says I Love Working With You, But Cover Your Mouth When You Sneeze like a personal packet of tissues. And since they’re from some foreign country that most likely lacks environmental or health standards, the dye used might “wipe” out a few sickies to boot…

Just when you thought I was going to be driving rice rockets forever, news from DaimlerChrysler (the Industry joke on the pronunciation of this name is, “the Chrysler is silent”) announces the resurrection of the Dodge Challenger. Slated for the 2006 auto show circuit, this car might make me brave Chicago’s winter and crowds at McCormick place for a glimpse of the latest 6.1 liter Hemi V8 to be mated to a six speed manual. (Yes, right now I’m exclaiming “I coulda hadda V8”, although MPG figures have yet to be estimated). One article notes that 45% of all vehicles offering the Hemi are sold with that engine. I wonder how the latest Challenger will stack up against its big brother the Charger I lusted after earlier this year? I for one was ready to purchase the Venom prototype that never came to showroom floors, but am encouraged by the thought of a flashy two door retro-mobile.

Ever wonder how much professional rivalry exists between Calvin Nichols and Robert Sabuda? Enough to warrant an exacto knife to the eye? Paper cuts alone are lethal.

It's all relative

Could Einstein himself solve Indiana’s time zone problems? Should time zones be tied to commerce or along state lines? Is driving back in time every day to get to your job harmful?

A Salt and Diehard

“Each winter North American put 10 to 15 million tons of salt on their roads – 10% of all the salt in the world for all purposes combined”
Elizabeth Royte,
Ice

I am convinced the vast majority of this amount is accumulating on the frame and finish of my precious new arrival*. I’m afraid to park it in the driveway for fear the woodland creatures will come out of the forest to lick it. She hasn’t even gotten her first set of snow tires on yet, but she's been trudging through more snow than most Decembers are alloted. It’s not even the official first day of winter yet, and we’ve had record breaking cold and accumulating snows. I just don’t know how I will handle another three months of this. Yes, I’m flaking out.


* KaneCitizen asked if I had a baby monitor set up in my garage, and I had to admit he had a good idea there…

Battle of Midway

No, I'm not referring to a seminal WWII event, but rather the disconcerting fact that the day after a Southwest airline jet skidded off the runway in Chicago and struck a passenger car, the family's lawyer was releasing statements in regards to the loss of a six-year-old boy. Could this law firm still be on retainer from the time the boy's father won a $27,500 award in 1999 against Yellow Cab Co.?

Battle of Midway

Central Pacific island of Midway
U.S. Pacific Fleet surprised the Japanese forces

Cloud cover a factor

More casualties on ground

Superior surface force loses

Turning point in the Pacific

Accident at Midway

Central Ave. and 55th

Member of Southwest fleet surprised commuters

Landing strip covered with snow

More casualties on ground

Runway loses surface force

Turning point in argument to increase size of O'Hare?

That's what crawlers are for

Ticked off as my big Will and Grace* Christmas Show was broken into (and destroyed with little hope of a replay this season) with news that a jet had skidded off the runway at Midway Airport.

A) I don't want that brand of snow tires for my car...

B) Had the jet traffic been lighter due to an operational Miegs Field, this wouldn't have happened

C) Didn't another NBC show, ER, just do a big episode about a plane accident? Are they upset it didn't happen during their show last week? Or would it have boosted ratings by occurring the week before?

Although, you have to admit, "I was hit by a plane" would be a pretty funny thing to call and tell your boss...


*I so relate to Karen

T-t-too C-c-cold to T-t-type

Gosh, remember the good old days when I was crowing about the Hottest Summer Ever? Well guess my luck with the gods of extreme weather has run out. It's now the coldest December in 100 years. Great. And speaking of conspiracy theories, heating fuel is at all time record high prices. This should thin the herd a little. But not nearly enough.

Ugly Couch Cam - December Edition

Thank-choo

Thank you, mystery man who was ahead of me in line at Wal-Mart. When the cashier told you to go home and get some rest, why did you have to linger and answer her about how you were just too busy to do so while coughing and hacking all over that little stylus that she then directed me to use to sign off on the Magic Credit Card screen?

And Thank You, evil government entities, for once again neglecting to supply the country with enough flu shots in my area so that once again, I must go without. Oh, give them to the elderly, you said. Yeah, well who needs to stay healthy enough to work and pay taxes for the elderly and their health care? Me! Me! Me!

It's not about flu. It's about ME.

Tiny Turtle Tragedy

BEIJING — A Chinese nature park is tightening security after suffering a mini-crime wave targeting turtles.

The Shanghai Natural Wild Insect Kingdom has lost 13 of its 18 turtles in recent weeks after visitors walked away with them, the Shanghai Daily newspaper reported.

The park has put bars around the turtle tank and posted security guards to protect the animals, one of its managers, Chen Min, told the newspaper.

The stolen turtles were about the size of a child’s hand, Chen said.

“It is very difficult for our security guards to detect someone stealing a turtle, because the turtles can be put into pockets, and they don’t utter sounds, even if they are attacked,” she said.

The park also lost a ferret — imported from the United States at a cost of $600 — after a visitor took it out of its cage. The ferret was found later in a hay stack in a sheep pen, the report said.

It's Snow Time!

You Are Skinny Heel Boots

You always look great - from your styled hair to your sleek boots.

What Kind of Boots Are You?

Upon Further Review

"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to"

Just like Intelligent Design?

Um, no. That's just stupid.

Amphi-Bean-ans

I'd just like to point out this is the second reptile-related food atrocity this month...

From The Northwest Herald
More than a good fiber source in this can
By JESSICA PERSONETTE

McHENRY – Brenda Eisenberg of Spring Grove hopes that when people make their green-bean casserole this Thanksgiving, they will look a little more closely at what comes out of the can.

Let’s just start my commentary by noting my absolute horror of all things “Green Bean”. I hate them. Always have. Being told I must finish them before leaving the table confirmed the phobia. I was offered canned green beans as a child, so don’t even try to wax rhapsodic on the wonders of fresh. I was turned against the legumes in a canned state and will forever avoid them at the risk of vomiting. That said, I buy them for both Mr. Right and the lizards. The lizards are crazy about them. Canned, frozen, fresh, they don’t care. Wax beans to a lesser extent. I’m sure the following report would upset them to no end, thinking one of their little friends could be inadvertently embalmed in bean brine.

Eisenberg said she recently discovered what looked like a reptile or frog leg in a can of Allen green beans.

Tough call – looks like salamander, but could be putrefied frog. I suggest Reptiles Magazine run a contest to identify it properly.

"I know with the holidays coming up, if it got mixed up in green-bean casserole, no one would know," she said. "Hopefully, people will think about it. I just want them to know."

Thanks. I needed that image. Really. Actually, I worry more about biting into a holiday dish that has hidden green beans more than biting into something that contains secret animal products.

Eisenberg bought the can of green beans at the McHenry Wal-Mart on Nov. 7. The next night, she opened the can, emptied it into a bowl, heated up the green beans, and served them for dinner, she said.

Same MO I’ve used for years… Quick. Easy. No thought.

As she was cleaning up after dinner, she noticed that one of the "beans" left in the serving bowl looked strange, she said.

Uh, oh. Here it comes.

"It had black spots and looked slimy," Eisenberg said. "I examined closer, and saw four fingers or toes. I got totally grossed out."

Yeah, that would make me jump. Make me count pet legs, at the very least.

Eisenberg said she e-mailed the Allen Canning Co. of Arkansas, and contacted the McHenry Wal-Mart suggesting they take other cans produced at the same time off the shelves.

Nice to know Average Consumer needs to do the jobs of the Health Department, FDA, EPA, etc.

According to e-mails provided by Eisenberg, Allen apologized and offered $25, a variety gift pack, and a copy of Allen's "Can-Do Cookbook." Eisenberg also said she was told that the company would ask Wal-Mart to take the cans off the shelves.

Can – Do? Things you Can Do with lizard parts? “Funny Things Found in Cans” Hall of Shame? Herp Helper? Kermit in a Can? Suddenly Salamander? Newt-A-Roni? Gecko-Olios?

A manager at the McHenry Wal-Mart referred calls to Wal-Mart corporate offices in Arkansas. A call to a Wal-Mart spokesman was not returned Friday.

You think?

James Phillips, vice president of corporate services for Allen Canning, said Friday that the company's products are processed in the can, so everything in the can is rendered commercially sterile and safe.

Sure it is. How many rat hairs per pound allowable again?

Phillips said that the company inspects and washes its product, but Eisenberg's experience does happen on rare occasions with agricultural products.

Sounds like this was packaged in an Asian rice paddy…Disgruntled migrant workers, perhaps?

"When we start growing green beans in laboratories, that will stop, but since we have the farmers of America grow our product, no matter what technology you have, you'll occasionally have this," Phillips said.

Then we’d get human fingers only….Yay Genetically Altered foods! Hydroponics is the way to go.

Eisenberg said she was not trying to extort anything from the company.

Except maybe some antacids and a free barf bag.

"I do not want a gift pack from them," she said. "I just know I don't want anyone else to have to find a frog leg in their green beans or green bean casserole."

I wouldn’t want their lousy gift pack either. Are there Frog Legs in their jars of Pig Knuckles as well? Worse yet...Is a diner somewhere ordering Frog Legs and getting a bean mixed in?

Tryptophan Time

One good thing about being a lousy cook…you don’t walk away from the table with that ‘too stuffed’ feeling.

Speaking of stuffing – Did you hear?

EVANSVILLE, Ind. (AP) — Ruth M.
Siems, a home economist who helped create Stove Top stuffing, a Thansksgiving favorite that will be on dinner tables across the country this year, has died at 74.

Now I can’t help but wonder – did her family leave her body out in the sun to dry up, then add herbs and seasonings in the hopes of reconstituting her with boiling water?

I’ll bet you’re questioning if primo shopper Getalife will be hitting the stores at 5 a.m. tomorrow…

The answer is no. It’s like when New Year’s Eve comes around and all the real alcoholics and bar denizens stay home because it’s ‘amateur night’. Besides, it’s a shopping-for- others type holiday. No interest there. I’ll just go online and order everyone on my list a Swiss Family Cheese basket or something equally laden with individual wishes and profound thought. Especially if I can find a coupon of some sort…

Turkey Time

Mmmm! And nothing's touching!

Stopped by the grocery store to get a few last minute items for the scrumptious feast I'm preparing tomorrow (Thank God for On-Cor Frozen Turkey w/Gravy and Ocean Spray can-berry).

Did you know Stove Top Stuffing is unavailable in Australia? Wow. Things are much tougher in the Outback than I'd imagined.

About the only thing the store was having a special on was ill-behaved children. Seemed to be a "Begat One, Get Two Free" special of some sort going on.

Dinos on Display

Made the journey over to the Gail Borden Public Library of Elgin, Il (Motto: “We may have condensed milk, but offer unabridged audio”) to see their display of Giants: African Dinosaurs.

What a beautiful library! The huge two-story structure is only a few years old, which I’m sure didn’t cost the community anything, as it’s spitting distance from that lovely riverboat casino designed to generate all the tax revenue you could ever want…yeah, right.

Anyhoo… the facility is gorgeous and even had a dino-themed gift shop! Whoo hoo! My stamp of approval right there! Especially enjoyed the Quiet Reading Room – a huge circular hearth with four gas fireplaces and comfy overstuffed chairs to read in! (And yes, Mr. Right, they all matched in a harmonious style!) I'd apply for a job there, but most likely would be assigned the task of poking the homeless at closing time or something...

They also featured Dinos-on-Parade, one of those community projects where you decorate some statues on a theme like Cows-on-Parade to generate goodwill and civic pride and vandalism and injury…

All in all it was a great evening with some friends from work and I recommend you check it out because most of all: it’s FREE!!!

You Want Zoloft With That?

Check out commentary at: Lipmagazine.org

I frequent a local McDonald’s drive-thru with some co-workers for lunch. It’s more a chance to chat with friends than participate in gourmet cuisine, but I must admit those Happy Meal toys are pretty elaborate. Way cooler than anything I used to get as a kid. Nothing like thousands of dollars of media-tie in’s to drive your tyke’s dining choices.

If you’ve read or seen Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me, you are well aware of the dangers these meals posses. And most likely, like me, you really don’t care. His documentary is excellent and I really suggest you check out his website before ordering the next McRib. That said, I can’t help but contemplate why the clown doesn’t go after my demographic – the disaffected office worker suffering from nutritional apathy and career ennui. You know, a Despondent Meal. The toy prize could be a little cigarette two-pack reminding you how your company just cut health benefits yet again, so who cares?

Party Over

Just experienced the coolest November 17 in forty-six years, and I’m none too happy about it. After months of above-average temperatures the crash is hard to bear. It snowed lightly last week prompting county workers eager for a little extra Christmas cash to hit the highways in full force. Passed a huge snowplow on my way to work that spewed salt chunks the size of acorns all over my car’s precious new Nighthawk Black finish. (Remember, I’m just buying black cars until they make something darker.)

Had to wait until Saturday when it warmed sufficiently to wash the car thoroughly. Predictions for the holiday weekend are dismal, and as much as I may love shopping, you won’t catch me in a store on the day after Thanksgiving. Besides, holiday shopping is all about other people. Not much fun in that. I’ll just wait for the after Christmas sales, thank you.

A Lot of Bull

Hey, am I the only one that thinks the whole thing about Scott Sword (the owner of the Pit Bulls who attacked the little kids) is a trumped-up charge to respond to public outcry regarding the lack of prosecution available in the case? Why did it take so long for the marijuana charges to come to light? The attack occurred nine days ago, and suddenly Sheriff’s police claim Sword was growing pot in his backyard and had more than 30 grams in his house (found by a legal search warrant, I’m sure). Seems to me officials are reaching for a way to ‘punish’ this owner, as the case has received so much attention. In fact, a new Dangerous and Vicious Dog Task Force has been created. Hmmm… what’s that costing taxpayers?

I Don’t Think Snow

Snow not funny. That’s the only way I can describe the weather – the weather that was 60 degrees a week and a half ago and is now 25 with a wind-chill factor in the single digits. I hate the Midwest. A huge plow spewing salt passed me on the way to work today and pelted my precious with penny-sized hunks of corrosive sodium chloride. How am I going to wash it in this weather? It ‘flurried’ all day and high winds drove the temperature down even further. Have to go now. I have some hibernating to do.

This is getting annoying

Saw another place all decked out in holiday lights tonight. Granted, it was a Christmas tree farm, but, c'mon. Why are they advertising now? Buy a tree now, and have your house go up in a blaze of glory before the big day! Ok, perhaps they were advertising other Christmas junk for sale ahead of time - like lights. Still, it bugs me. Bah, humbug.

Ugly Couch Cam - November Edition

There Oughtta Be An Ordinace

I had no idea this existed, but now that I do...







There’s this house not far from me that WAY overdoes it on the holiday lighting. I mean, what ever turns you(r 500 amp service) on. But could you do me one itty bitty favor? Don’t plug the damn things in yet! Take advantage of the nice weather to string the lights up all you want, but could you wait until at least Thanksgiving? This house is on 6 acres, and over five of them are covered in lights. It’s ridiculous. Com-Ed sends them a Christmas card of thanks every year. They even send a truck over with the cherry-picker basket to help him do the huge pines out front. And of course the lights are still on far into February…

Good to the Last Mummified Reptile

There wasn't a prize in my can...


AINSWORTH, Iowa - Marjorie Morris just wanted to pour coffee into a canister. What she found in the package of freeze-dried coffee left her shell-shocked.

Morris, 77, of Ainsworth, found a dead baby turtle in the 2-pound package of Folgers coffee last Sunday.

"I thought it was a toy at first," said Morris, 77, of Ainsworth.

Morris said she had been making coffee from the same package for a month before she made the discovery.

"It's a responsibility of the company to check their shipments closer," she said. "It could be much more serious."

Morris said she doesn't plan to file a lawsuit against Folgers.

She said a customer service representative for the company dismissed the find, explaining that because many Folgers plants are based in New Orleans the turtle might have ended up in the coffee as a result of Hurricane Katrina.

Sussane Dussing, a spokeswoman for Procter & Gamble, the company that owns the Folgers brand, said it's too early to say how the turtle ended up in the coffee.

Dussing said she wasn't aware of other similar incidents and that Morris' discovery would be investigated.

Morris, who has kept the turtle, said she would continue to drink coffee, but that she is now a more mindful consumer.

Things could have been worse, she said.

"It could've been a snake."

Baby's First Fill-Up

29 M.P.G.!

Never Wear Gray to a Hurricane

Good for War Zones or Forest Fires

Thought I was a bit of a fashionista until I read about the e-mails Brownie was sending while New Orleans sank. Ever notice when you really dislike someone, they share a character flaw with you? One you can’t own up to?

I really can see myself worrying about what to wear to a flood. I mean, hip waders just come in that ugly black rubber. What goes with that? I’m thinking a bright metallic purse or belt to offset all the dark muck and reflect nicely off the water…

Sell-Outs

Heard the gargantuan eyesore formerly known as the Motorola plant has a buyer. I really can’t imagine any uses for the facility that I would personally approve of, so get ready for some serious rants about this development. About the only thing I might like is if Callaway Corvettes moved in. And offered me a job.

A rumor went around town that Mayo Clinic was interested in opening a branch. Great. Helicopters overhead. Ambulances blaring down the street at all hours of the night. Then a friend pointed out that Mayo is more about research. Great. Croesus coming home with two-headed rats. I could open a Slightly Seconds Syringe Shop or something. Must admit to my secret fantasy however: Mayo Clinic calls and says they are out of operating rooms –can they use my master bath? That would validate my quest for cleanliness. I don’t want germs to even think about congregating at my house. The spiders are issued little paper booties at the door so as not to track up my white carpeting. I have so many layers of Future Floor Finish on my kitchen floor that if a drinking glass fell, the floor would shatter into clear sheets of wax and the glass would bounce away unharmed.

I know! Perhaps it will be a company that manufactures modular homes – you know, trailers. Trailers that no one in town can live in.

[Mayor]“Nolan said he assumed that the building might be used for manufacturing because no one had requested zoning changes.”

That’s because the word is out: whatever you want the City Council to approve, they will, regardless of what the Zoning and Planning Commission recommends, or how many angry citizens show up to protest. It’s a cake walk! No zoning issues here. You want a Toxic Dump? No problem. Nuclear Waste Storage? You bet.

Turkey Thyme

Well, hard to believe, but it’s almost Thanksgiving. Suppose I’ll have to go buy a turkey or something. I’m sure Mr. Right will insist on a BUTTERball. Tented in TINFOIL.

I despise cooking. Like milking a rattlesnake for anti-venom, it’s a necessity that’s best left to highly-paid professionals or somebody is going to get hurt. On-Cor makes a microwaveable turkey tray, don’t they?

Have to admit, a pack of snarling Pit Bulls can be a strain on the budget, so I'm going with the basic "Child Predator" red tag on my door to keep the neighborhood kiddies from ringing my bell to sell magazine subscriptions.

Pit Bulls - just one more example of Intelligent Design. You tell 'em Kansas.

Asleep at the Wheel

Just like to point out I've changed the name of the last post as the new one fits much better.

The Sixth Gear

Tickets, I See Tickets

Loving the new vehicle, just wish I could truly appreciate its potential.

As I navigate a twisty road in the colorful November landscape, I can't help but think how much more fun it would be at twice the speed. It's as if the car whispers: Look, we both know I can do this corner at 70. Move away from the brake...No one is looking...

Did you hear about Coors beer selling brewing byproduct as a fuel additive, an Ethanol type filler? Of course, they claim it reduces harmful emissions and reduces dependence on foreign oil. What they don't tell you is it's still a carcinogen and rusts internal engine parts when used at the 10% level allowed in Illinois due to the corn lobby.

If they don't lower the price of gas soon, I'll be making my own gas in a still out back. Prices have fallen slightly as refineries in the gulf recover from hurricanes, but we still bear the burden of preemptive war at the pump.

Now That's Scary!

Admit it, you'd rather spend Saturday night with us

I don't know about you, but the Halloween Candy-fest has taken its toll by pushing me into a larger size of Levis...

There's so much candy consumed at work that if I cut an artery, I'd bleed Hershey's syrup. The healthiest thing I've eaten all month was a taffy apple. I think there was some fiber in the stick.

Got a flyer in the mail yesterday from Lane Bryant. It's as if they're saying, "Come to the Dark Side. The Dark Chocolate Side. We know you want to wear stretch pants and tunics, admit it..."

Must. Work. Out. Must. Resist. Sugar.

How Can I Go Back to a Typical Temperature?

Global warming is a reality, despite what Michael Crichton may have you believe, but can this glorious year really be the start of an incredible warming trend for the upper Midwest? This blogger can only hope all her efforts of spraying Aqua Net at the sun and buying gas-sucking monster cars is beginning to pay off. Let's hear it for a Warm Christmas!

Ugly Couch Cam Update