What Do We Expect From Home Cheapo?

Oh, great, "May is Maytag Month". Does that mean all my appliances will stop working again this month? If by last long, you mean approximately five years, then I guess you could call that long - in fruit fly years or something. Download the Rebate Form? Why not save some time and just download the RECALL form? Oh, wait, Maytags are never recalled. Unless the U.S. Government forces them...

MAYTAG SUCKS MAYTAG SUCKS MAYTAG SUCKS MAYTAG SUCKS MAYTAG SUCKS!!!

Point of Origin?

"Olliver.. It's Pixlie on the phone... something about not having Arnold visit our house anymore or he'll start to fly..."

Adventures in Shopping

But they were free with purchase!

It's been a real roller-coaster of shopping experiences as of late.



Went the local Evil-Mart just before Easter and had a heaping cart of items. I rolled up to one of the few human checkers and handed my fistful of coupons over and proceeded to dump the merchandise on the sticky conveyor of germistan. I got the stuff loaded in my car and drove all the way home to my garage...where I saw the receipt peeking out of the top bag and decided to read it. Sure enough, checkout bimbo hadn't deducted ANY of my coupons, despite being presented them prior to checkout.



Furious, I jumped back in the car and drove all the way back - about, oh, five miles. Fuming, I stormed up to the checker and asked if she still had my coupons. Amazingly, she did. Was she going to use them herself? I was shocked she didn't slip them in the coupon slot after I left, leaving me little recourse. (Actually, I would have got the manager at that point and demanded the register be opened. Don't cross me over a coupon, bitch.) I frostily told her in no uncertain terms that I didn't enjoy having to drive all the way back and would appreciate it if she could remember them in the future. Went up to the service desk where I was apologized to profusely and handed seven dollars cash.



Steamed, I left a second time to go home and unload the merchandise I never would have bought were it not for a coupon.



Then this Saturday I had a furniture fiasco over at the local Farm & Fleet. Bought a four-piece indoor-outdoor fake wicker furniture set for the lizards, as the old set is starting to break down. Yes, that's right, for the lizards. They sit on them every bit as much as I do and the thought of plastic coating that wipes clean easily was a big plus.



Al goes to the loading dock to get the set while I check out with a few smaller items and meet in front of the store. We go straight home and he begins to unload the furniture. It's not until the packing is removed that we notice the love seat has a bent rear leg that is so distorted the chair won't even sit square on the floor. Never noticed it loading the truck, and it's not bendable. By this time I have the little table and a chair in the lizard room, and it's pretty obvious the color is too dark a brown for the room. Back we go for a refund. Sheesh.



Did much better yesterday. Had tons of coupons to redeem, and did pretty well. Over at Ulta they had a BOGO on Jergen's lotion and I had two $1.00 off coupons. Bought a few other things on Clearance and used my $3.50 coupon for the whole transaction, so I did pretty well.



Headed over to Bed, Bath and Beyond What I'm Willing to pay - only because of the $10 off any purchase $30 or more coupon. Normally they are much too expensive for me, but the thought of getting almost a third off my purchase if I played my cards, er, coupons, right motivated me. I bought a mango slicer for $12.49, a Vegetable-Fresh for the Fridge for $5.75 and a cutting board for $12.75 and qualified! Yay.



But it was Petsmart where I really shone..



The little teenage girl at the check out was so impressed with my purchase. She couldn't get over all my coupons and how I was 'so organized' by laying a coupon on each grouping of items as it came down the belt. Waved my Pet Perks cards for discounts, too.



Bought a bag of Pro Plan and received 4 free Pro Plan cans free. Reg $36.99- on sale for $29.59 ($4.14 for cans)

Busy Bone $2.19, $1 off

Beggin Strips $2.50, $1 off

Kitty treats, BOGO $1.00 each

Kitty treats, two for $1.59 each, $1 coupons for each

Mighty Dog Can, BOGO, 70 cents

Alpo, buy two cans, get one free - bought six, had two coupons, 58 cents each





I had about $11 off in coupons, and ended up paying $41.35 with tax. I think they owe me a free puppy for that transaction! Or at least one of those shelter cats along the south wall...

Mistakes On a Plane!*

Plane photo-op scares NYC workers

People "went into a total panic" said one trader

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says he is furious that the federal government flew a presidential Boeing 747 and a fighter jet near ground zero. The incident on Monday caused a brief panic among workers, who said they were not notified in advance.

Bloomberg says the flyover so near the World Trade Center site showed "poor judgment" and was insensitive. He says he is furious that the NYPD and another city agency were notified last week, but did not tell him.


Oh, Great! Right when I'm trying to buy Tamiflu futures, my stock broker goes running through the streets like chicken little. So much for my chance at fortune.


*stolen from the Daily Show. Wish it were mine.

Like What, Craigslist Doesn't Have any Attorney Listings?

BOSTON – The Boston University medical student accused of slaying a 25-year-old masseuse he met on Craigslist owes more than $130,000 in student loans and cannot afford an attorney, according to court papers.

Little No-GTO

Today GM announced it would stop producing new Pontiac models by the end of 2010. This is the end of an era for the once-proud performance brand, but it also leaves a lot of questions for car shoppers and Pontiac owners.

SOB!! I can't handle all this destruction. Sniff. This just really gets my goat. Go ahead. Judge me harshly.

Wettest Spring On Record!

Not rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night will stop us from infecting you...

Whee. We're number one. Wonder if my Corvette floats?

Infectious Thinking

STILL trying to figure out how to make Tamiflu from common household chemicals. You know darn well Rahm isn't going to approve any for me. Or you. He's hoarding it all for his little minions so they can take over the planet before we figure out this was a planned outbreak. To make us forget about the economy.

Eh, Don't Get My Hopes Up

Like my Xenophobia needed any help...

The Spanish flu pandemic, which killed at least 40 million people worldwide in 1918-19, also first struck otherwise healthy young adults.

Does FMLA cover 'cowering inside until most everyone else has died off ', and if so, how many weeks would you estimate that to take?? I have a vegetable garden, some Airborne, and a well.

Now all I need is a bit of Tamiflu, and I may just ride this one out.

Bwha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Cutest Car Ever!

Chrysler LLC is surviving on government loans and has until Thursday to work out a joint venture with Italian automaker Fiat Group SpA.

Who ever thought Fiat would own Chrysler? Where's Lee Iacocca? Bet he sold his stock long ago.

First order of business: Bring back the X 1/9!!!

Former Fiat Owner

Excel-ent Idea

I think I need to make a spreadsheet of my shoes - then I could sort them by color, style, heel height... maybe even a column for last date worn so stock could be rotated properly. Is there a way to put photos in? It does seem to be a choice under 'paste special'.

I Was Hoping for a Cookbook...

Just wanted to elaborate a bit on the book "How to Build a Dinosaur" by Jack Horner. I can't really recommend you rush out and buy the book, parts of it were downright somnifacient, but the central thesis was so intriguing, I really must discuss.

Horner explains the whole conceit of Jurassic Park - finding a mosquito preserved in amber that had dinosaur blood in it from which a whole new dinosaur could be created millions of years later - is a great science fiction story plot, but not necessary. Instead, he suggests efforts towards De-evolution: taking a chicken egg, a bird we know to be closely related to the dinosaur, and reprogramming the egg to grow not a chicken, but a much more primitive creature.

Well, this to me is about the greatest idea since intermittent windshield wipers. I can't wait to get started! Unfortunately, the book did not include do-it-yourself tips or recipes.

Scientists have studied the development of the chicken embryo and can pinpoint the hour in incubation where items like eyes, beaks, or wings are created. By going down to the molecular level of cell development and turning on or off the switches that create a particular appendage, it is possible to grow an arm where a wing would be, or a tail where the spinal cord would normally end. So instead of a modern chicken developing, we could go further back into the evolutionary tree and see... a dinosaur?

Perhaps. No one knows exactly what one looked like. We would have only the fossil record to compare it to, but it's an excellent suggestion and I say full steam ahead! I'd love a little Archaeopteryx or Deinonychus.

Happy Earth Day (not really)

Planet: 1

Humans: 6,775,010,849

It's just not fair, and a crappy 'day' a year isn't going to make it any better. I'm sorry Mother Earth. I'd leave if I could, really.

Humans: 6,775,010,849

Habitable Planets in the Universe? At least that. Yay, let's go mess up some other innocent orb, kids!

Just Keeps Getting Worse

The death toll of Polo Ponies has now risen to twenty one, and I really am thinking Conspiracy Theory here folks....

"Because of the very rapid onset of sickness and death, state officials suspect these deaths were a result of an adverse drug reaction or toxicity," Florida's Department of Agriculture said in a statement announcing its investigation.
"At this time there is no evidence that these horses were affected with an infectious or contagious disease," it said. Famous last words before pandemics

The Lechuza Caracas team is owned by millionaire Venezuelan banker Victor Vargas, who has been playing polo since he was 24, according to the North American Polo League's website. Vargas was re-elected president of the Venezuelan Banking Association in April. Hmmmm. How did he piss off Chavez? Made loans to U.S. interests? Seems his fleet was poisoned.

Will F-f-freeze for F-f-fifty Cents

This morning's forecast? Snow.*

But neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night can keep me from free. Or BOGO. Or cents off.

Shivering, I ran from the nice front parking space I scored at the local Dunkin Donuts and dashed inside. "I don't care how cold it is," I declared, shaking out the collar of my shearling jacket.

"I want my fifty cent Iced Coffee," I said, presenting my coupon with a flourish.

The owner laughed while I tossed my head to remove some precipitation from my curls. "Cream and Splenda, with a low-fat muffin," I finished.

Sure, hot coffee would have tasted better. But the Iced offer was only good today. Take that, Mother Nature!!

Then I found out it was FREE last year. I've been clipped!!!

Damn you, Dunkin Donuts. You got me this time. We'll meet again in the coupon pages, mark my words.

*Yeah. April 21st. The Midwest sucks.

The Da Vinci Follow Up

NEW YORK - The book world has a stimulus plan: a new Dan Brown novel.

Six years after the release of his mega-selling "The Da Vinci Code," the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group announced that Brown's "The Lost Symbol,"* a thriller set during a 12-hour period and featuring "Da Vinci Code" symbolist Robert Langdon, will come out in September.

The first printing will be 5 million copies, Knopf Doubleday said, the highest in the publisher's history but well below the opening 10 million-plus print run for the final "Harry Potter" book. "The Da Vinci Code" has sold more than 80 million worldwide and inspired a spin-off community of travel books, diet books, conspiracy books, parodies and religious works. Awfully optimistic in this economy...

By Monday night, "The Lost Symbol" was No. 1 on Barnes & Noble.com and approaching the top 100 on Amazon.com. In a sign of likely price wars to come, both sites were offering discounts of 40 percent and higher for the $28.95 novel. Did anybody READ the other two novels??

Eager for success, but unprepared for obsession, Brown became increasingly reluctant to make public appearances or talk to the media. His reserve was only magnified by a copyright infringement lawsuit that was decided in his favor, but not before Brown was forced to testify in London and prepare an in-depth brief about his career, writing process and the fury he faced when promoting "The Da Vinci Code." I see him enjoying a cigar with Salman Rushdie...

Inspired in part by the commercial fiction of Sidney Sheldon, Brown is an Amherst College graduate who has said he long gave up on the idea of being a literary writer and instead wanted to write novels read by many. No one can accuse this blog of being too literary...

*Plot synopsis: A band of marauding musicians marches on the Vatican seeking the return of relics from Jesus' All-Apostle Orchestra - no, wait, that was the Lost Cymbal...

Wait For It...

Associated Press

WELLINGTON, Fla. - Veterinarians were waiting for test results Monday to find out why at least 14 polo horses fell ill and died in a short time before their match at a Florida tournament.
The horses from the Venezuela-based Lechuza Caracas team were being unloaded from their trailers Sunday afternoon when two of them collapsed and others acted dizzy and disoriented, according to a statement from the International Polo Club Palm Beach.
"They started getting dizzy," polo club spokesman Tim O'Connor told The Palm Beach Post. "They dropped down right onto the grass."
Veterinarians already at the event quickly tried treating the horses, inserting intravenous lines and trying to cool them down with fans and water. Observers hung blue tarps to shield some of the horses from the crowd's view.
Seven of the horses died on the polo club's grounds and the rest died after they were taken elsewhere.
The match in the U.S. Open Polo Championship was postponed and an exhibition game with a substitute team was held in its place.
The carcasses of at least 14 horses were taken to a state agricultural laboratory for necropsies to learn the causes of their deaths.
"It could be the water, hay, bedding. We just don't know. When we find out what it is, we will take all the necessary actions," John A. Wash, the polo club's president of club operations, told the newspaper.
The polo grounds in Wellington, a wealthy equestrian and golfing community in central Palm Beach County, hosts the U.S. Open every year.


Perhaps they died of....Polio??

Oh, admit it, if I didn't say it, you would have. But really, this is horrible. Not to mention the thought that they were on U.S. soil means what ever they had could now be floating around our country... A little biological warfare from Chavez? Hmmmm....

It's All About the Shoes

Harry Potter and the Blatant Babe Promotion

Check out this post over at The Illuminated Dungeon! It seems Hollywood has finally recognized the real reason Harry Potter movie tickets are sold - Alan Rickman!!

Oh, and I'm sure my cease-and-desist order from AP is in the Cybermail...

Fingernail Friendly!

Look, it's a really long story, and you're not even going to believe major portions of it, but here goes...

Awhile back I had been hearing about how great a deal you could get on a car, since the Big Three were in the throws of bankruptcy, so I did one of those 'find this car' types of Internet engine searches. Specifically, I was seeking an Atomic Orange Corvette Convertible. One hitch - I want a manual transmission. After quite a bit of searching, I did find one - less than 50 miles from my house. Skeptical, I sent an email asking if the car existed. They claimed to have it, but also had 'no haggle pricing'. I don't care for that set-up, but instead use their price to go someplace else and shoot for less than their price so I can feel like I've received a 'deal'. Whatever.

Anyhoo...

Saturday, Al suggests going to this car dealership so we can look at the Vette and he can check out some trucks. He needs a new car desperately. Sad to say, his last Chevy Silverado only lasted ten years, and not because of neglect. He took very good care of it and it has over 200K miles on it, but a rear quarter panel is starting to rust and funny clicking noises are now the norm from the dashboard.

Fine. I agree to go, especially due to the huge outlet mall next to the car place and down the street from the Jelly Belly Factory. At least a bag of belly flops will make the trip worth my while.

Al looks at every truck carefully outside with the salesman while I whimper inside due to lake winds. At the end a a few hours, I ask if he is going to test drive anything. Yes, he says. The Vette.

What? I thought I was here for moral support in the purchase of a pickup.

The Vette is lolling like a house cat in a corner of the tiled showroom, it's bright orange exterior nicely complemented by the "Cashmere" tan upholstery. The doors are so easy to open - a little button - none of the manicure-wrecking chrome torture devices found on my '68. Once in, the car is rather spartan, but far beyond my vintage (read: pre-Nader) experience.

Since it's freezing out, and hearing the interior cabin noise with the top up would be a good opportunity, we ask that the roof be raised. This suddenly entails four clueless sales people looking for the automatic top button. They aren't really listening to us experts regarding the fact this one doesn't come with that feature. Soon all are milling around, looking under seats and behind the steering column; one has the manual in hand (need I note that was the woman?) I lean over to Al and state: I can't wait until we have to bring it back here for service...

Finally, a button is located to pop the top up. Again, this is so much better than carving my hands raw as I do presently on old metal levers teeming with lockjaw. The only real objection I had to the whole car is it seemed difficult to get the top secured down on the front windshield. There was a handle, but it was unwieldy, and I'd really like to see an electric model in motion for comparison.

Al went first, said he heard some wind noise and felt the wind pushing against the car. I have no idea, as on my test drive I was too busy hitting 75 on the expressway while trying to figure out if I was still in third gear. The gears are incredibly tight and I seemed to hang too much on the clutch in first - something a little practice would take care of, but upsetting when you aren't feeling smooth. Overall, very comfortable. I could see long trips in this car.

Trunk space? Non-existent. Golf clubs? Try a putter and one sleeve of golf balls. Shopping? Four shoes. One dress. Nothing bulky from the Megalomart, like cases of soda or laundry baskets.

Bottom Line: a good deal. Original MSRP: $57,500 No Haggle Price because we can't get rid of an '08 and it's well into '09: $44,815. Hmmmm.

Al is like ready to buy the car. Starts talking details with Mr. Salesman. Whoa. Excuse me? Aren't you the one telling me your tech job may evaporate any second now? What happened to the truck? I think that wind noise you heard were actually the Sirens...

As my artist friend observed, it was like a Freaky Friday scenario: there was someone losing all perspective in a new car showroom and it wasn't me! It was him! Yes, that's right, I was the lone voice of reason standing next to a sports car. Spooky.

Did I mention the polished aluminum wheels?