Tick Tick Tick!

Maya Calendar - Countdown 2012

I'm Prepared!

You know the part where they are stumbling over the oath of office, and the words just aren't coming out right? That's right where I would have said, "That's OK, I wrote my own oath right here! Let's see ... I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States for the rest of my life."

Oh, like Cheney didn't think of it...

Moving Boxes... Or Bodies?

I'm sure it's nothing a little waterboarding can't cure.

Like You Didn't Think of It

Didn't you want them to put the camera on Hillary's face right when he took the oath???

Free at Last! Free at Last!

I have a dream, and it involves getting alot of freebies...

(Monday, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, not too terribly bright or early)

Me: I'd like my free coffee!!

DDV: Well, OK, I'll do it this time, but just to let you know, it's only from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. ....

Me: (Looking at very accurate car clock and seeing 6:56) Oh, uh, thank you...

Like what? You have an atomic clock in there? A timer set on the lead-encased For Free Coffee Only brewer that doesn't kick in until 6:59 to prevent evil early birds like myself? By the time I get to "window two" buddy, not only will it be after seven a.m., but the damn coffee will be cold.

On a plus side, this morning's offering was a real size 'small', not that teensy little sampler I got one day. I have overcome!

I was so happy I didn't even pull into that second McDonald's I pass on this route. Maybe next week.

Like it's my fault they put one every four blocks. I can see them radioing to each other over the little drive through headsets... It's that free broad again! Don't give her any more!!

Hey, I'm ecologically conscious. I'd be fine with just filling the first paper cup again....

iHa!

I Can Dream of Summer

Wish I'd Said That!

"Toyota's developing a miniature, environmentally-friendly car that is powered entirely by a rechargeable battery. Yeah. Meanwhile, Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs on rain forest trees and panda blood." --Conan O'Brien

I Don't Think So!

Foiling Pteranodon Takeoffs Since the Cretaceous!

So the lead story at Yahoo News tonight is the plane crash in the Hudson. What upset me about their little post was their encapsulation of the story as a link to read more.

It read: Birds to blame

Excuse me? Birds? Those cute little fluffy descendants of dinosaurs that have been on earth say, a hundred million years???? While we humans have been polluting up the sky some oh, one hundred? That's one hundred, period. Not one hundred thousand. Not one hundred million. Nope. Using 1903's Kitty Hawk launch, I'd say we were the brash newcomer here, wouldn't you? Not like we've each developed the ability to 'see' the earth's magnetic fields or anything, eh?

Anyhoo, nice to know no one was killed. Well, except for those birds! In the waning days of the Bush administration, I'm sure this incident will be blamed on Hummingbird Hamas or Al-Queda Kites or something... see the NY Times Daily Intel to prove I'm not alone on this airstream.

But my outrage goes on: while researching the whole bird evolution question, I typed in "When did birds appear on Earth" into Google.

Oh, WikiAnswers, that looks good, I thought.

Not so much. Nothing like being fundamentally right.

What to do? Well, frankly this group scares me: Bird Strike Committee USA

They certainly dramatize the 218 people killed by birds striking aircraft, but catch this little line:

About 90% of all bird strikes in the U.S. are by species federally protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

look closer, and see that it was preceded by:

The nesting population of bald eagles in the contiguous USA increased from fewer than 400 pairs in 1970 (2 years before DDT and similar chlorinated-hydrocarbon insecticides were banned) to over 11,000 pairs in 2007. Over 100 bald eagle strikes with civil aircraft have been reported in USA, 1990-2007. Mean body mass of bald eagles = 9.1 lbs (male); 11.8 lbs (female).

Ah-Ha!! Just remove federal protection from Bald Eagles and California Condors and voila! Problem solved. We can shoot them within a five hundred mile radius of any airport. Call Sara Palin! There's some huntin' licences to be issued!

Why the Chicago Tribune is in Bankruptcy

Received the following e-mail from my paper:

Come join us for this monumental event! The Subscriber Advantage team will be dressed in orange Subscriber Advantage gear, stationed next to the inflatable Chicago Tribune balloon giving out TribCODE cards that are worth 150 TribPOINTS! Come show your support and be apart of history. See details below.

Sincerely, Subscriber Advantage

Gosh, think Sam Zell got rid of, oh, say 2000 too many editors?????????? Whatever you do, don't let history catch you!!!

Whew!

I've been wearing the $21 made-in-China down & feather jacket all week and have yet to contract avian flu. We are already in the top ten of both coldest and snowiest winter seasons ever recorded in the Chicago area. Wheee!!!

I have done nothing but eat carbohydrates. I wanted to exercise, but I can't get to the health club, the roads are so bad. Really can't take another three months of this.

When I was a kid, every September I would read my complete boxed set of Laura Ingalls Wilder novels. Although These Happy Golden Years was my favorite, The Long Winter made the most impact. Even then, I was extremely concerned about being trapped somewhere cold with no food. And would you have told Paleface anything if you were that Indian? Heck, no. Let 'em eat each other. I'd have been snug and warm visiting my distant cousins the Seminoles for the winter.

i'd Sell the iStock

Am iMissing something here? Why doesn't he just snap in a new iPancreas?

SEATTLE – Apple Inc. co-founder and Chief Executive Steve Jobs said Wednesday he is taking a medical leave until the end of June — just a week after the cancer survivor tried to assure investors and employees his recent weight loss was caused by an easily treatable hormone deficiency.
Apple's stock plunged 6 percent.
Jobs, 53, said in a letter last week that he would remain at Apple's helm despite the hormone problem, and that he had already begun a "relatively simple and straightforward" treatment. But in an e-mail to employees Wednesday, Jobs backtracked.
"During the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought," he wrote.
Apple's shares have surged and crashed over the last year in step with rumors or news about the CEO's health and his gaunt appearance. While the top executive's health is an issue for investors in any company, at Apple the level of concern reaches fever pitch because Jobs has a hand in everything from ideas for new products to the way they're marketed. Investors fear that without Jobs, Apple will not be able to sustain its growth of the last decade, which has seen Apple branch out from its Mac computers into the iPod and the iPhone.

Free Fits Me to a Tea

Went shopping today and didn't find what I was looking for, namely a long down jacket in any color but black. Tried on quite a few at Bergner's and Macy's. One nice cream colored one was marked down - and it was down filled - but not down enough! I couldn't see $180 for something that would me dirty by the time I got out to the car. Me and light colors don't exactly get along, but it was by far the nicest-looking of all I have tried. A few silver ones were maybes, but not quite. There was a white one that was cute, but who wants to look like the Michelin Man?

I did however find a short black jacket sans hood with down and feather content that was on sale for an astounding $21! Sold! Still need a long one for dress/work, but this is a nice jacket with jeans, etc. I now need to get rid of a few jackets to make way for this new one.

Went to Ulta 3 where I usually do quite well with coupons. I had their $3.50 off store coupon and a few other coupons in their little flyer for razor blades and apricot scrub. They had buy one, get one free on Loreal and BOGO 50% off on Cover Girl. I had coupons for both the Loreal Products but the girl wouldn't take one! She said I couldn't use it on the 'free' item! What's with that? It gets turned in to the manufacture from the store. They just verify it's an item the store sells. Do they have to prove they charged something for the item? It just upset me. I ended up spending way too much in there. Now I'm not happy. Think I'll stay away from them - or at least only redeem their free 'points' item - they didn't make me buy anything to do that last time.

Thank goodness I 'redeemed' myself over at Starbucks... I had this coupon for a free Teatime. Tea is their new drink special and they were featuring Full-Leaf Tazo Tea Lattes and Tazo Tea Infusions. I also had a card for $2 tea after 2 p.m. , so I figured I could buy one at $2 and get one free for Al. The girl took my order for a Berry Infusion and London Fog (Vanilla, Earl Grey and steamed milk). She then announced 'it came up free' and I didn't owe her anything!!! Wheeee!! Nothing warms like free!

I highly recommend either drink - the London Fog tasted like warm milk before bed, and the Infusion was very berry. Also comes in apple, must taste like cider.

I've had too many sweet drinks today, but this record snowfall season really has me depressed. Here's my new favorite drink. I had it in a restaurant that called it a Cherry Turtle. Based on the name alone, I wanted one! How cherry figures in this, I haven't a clue, but if you stop by my house this winter, I'll be glad to make you one.

Hot Chocolate

Amaretto

Bailey's Carmel Cream

Whip Cream/cinnamon topping

Chemical Warfare

As you are well aware, artificial claims can boost your stock price in some very concrete ways...

From the Chicago Tribune:

Chicago-based Merisant Worldwide Inc., maker of the artificial sweetener Equal, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Friday, hobbled by the global credit crisis and sliding sales.

(blame the no-so-sweet-economy...)

In 2008, Splenda grabbed 60 percent of the market, and Equal had only 11 percent, third after Sweet & Low. (That's not Equal at all!)

The upshot: Merisant's revenues sank 18 percent from 2003 through 2007, when they totaled $290 million. For 2008's first nine months, sales were off another 6 percent from a year earlier.

(causing cancer is a competitive business)

Merisant is betting on future growth through PureVia, a zero-calorie natural sweetener derived from the leaves of the stevia shrub. Tabletop sweeteners under the PureVia brand are rolling out in stores nationwide. (I have a coupon and will try it! My theory is changing cancer causing chemicals every so often helps delay the buildup of any one type...)

Nyah, Nyah

Hey, Burris, I've got Jesse White's signature right here...

On my driver's licence! Hope you plan on getting a ride to the capitol building, dude.

Do You Do This?

Still Dry!

Leave the manicurist's with wet nails and caaaaarefullllly open your car door; slooooowly put on seat belt so as not to smudge polish; start car and blast heat from top vents pointed at steering wheel so you can dry your nails as you drive? (Or, in summer air conditioning?)

Add five points if you drive a stick-shift, as I do.

Subtract ten points if you are male.

I Knew it!!

From the New York Times:

The five-month slide in gasoline prices has come to an abrupt halt, with gasoline rising by several cents in recent days amid indicators that the national average could jump to $2 a gallon or higher this spring.

The Year-End Figures are in...

I don't know about you, but the only thing showed a net gain in 2008

was my annual holiday weight gain.

Pink Iguanas

No, it's not a fruity tropical drink, it's a newly-discovered subspecies of land iguana found on the Galapagos! Darwin must have missed it. I need to book my flight now! I'd love to see these in the wild. Seem friendly. (famous last words of tourists consumed by local fauna)

F for effort

Guess I've found another item to add to the list of "things I am better off not knowing"...

This one is right up there with "stuff my government won't tell me" and "ingredients in peperoni". I was minding my own business trying to jab, jab, uppercut, roundhouse kick in my aerobics class tonight when I saw that nice little dishwater blond girl from the front desk enter the gym. She's not a bundle of charisma or anything, but she does indulge my request for locker number zero, so she's OK in my book.

She strolls over to the drinking fountain at the far end of the basketball court and sprays what I assume to be disinfectant on the stainless steel bowl. Then she swipes a gym towel over it, moves to the other fountain, does the same, and walks away. That's it. Didn't clean the spout. Didn't clean the push bar. Didn't use different towels or leave the disinfectant on sixty seconds. Nothing. Gee, I wonder why I wake up in the middle of the night from flesh-eating bacteria nightmares?

The germaphobe in me is screaming so loud at this point I can't hear the instructor or the blaring hip-hop. Is it rude to rush across a crowded court and give a detailed lesson on the proper way to clean? Do I have to do EVERYONE'S job, from the President down to the idiot behind the counter at the DMV in order to get anything done right? Must I bring my own bottle of bleach EVERYWHERE???

Read about a young man after my own heart here

"..His results shocked everyone. The fountain water was swimming with bacteria while the bathroom toilet water was significantly cleaner.

The cleanest fountain was located in the fifth- and sixth-grade hallway, while the dirtiest was just outside the gym, Katherman said. But even the cleanest fountain wasn't as clean as the toilet.

"The toilet water is usually cleaner with regard to bacteria because toilets get continuously flushed, whereas a water fountain is left open to the environment," said Dr. Phillip Tierno of New York University Medical Center. "You know that toilets are occasionally washed, but I've never seen a water fountain sanitized at all."