GM Begs for Bailout

But have they sent me a coupon for a new Corvette? Nooooooo..........

When I mentioned at work that I wanted to get a clearance Vette when GM declared bankruptcy, my lunch mates seemed to think that was a bad idea because I wouldn't be able to get parts. What? The aftermarket business is alive and well. Besides, if I'm that worried about it, I'll just buy two. Never hurts to have a parts car. There's a coupon they could send: Buy one, get the second for just a penny!

Happy Birthday, Owen!

But Did You Sprout Wings?

I'm so busy scratching, I don't have time to eat!

Can't feel the formaldehyde through the silicone much anyway.

The secret is out for one of the world's most recognizable lingerie brands, according to a potential class action lawsuit in which consumers claim they've experienced very uncomfortable symptoms, like rashes, hives and permanent scarring from Victoria's Secret bras. (ABC News)

May I point out that like every other item on the planet these bras are made in China??? Need I mention I own a drawer full? Including a brand new one I've washed, but not worn yet??! Dare I?

Ritter complains that the bras started to itch her after a couple of days and soon after the itchy turned into a full-fledged rash which them turned into painful welts and burns on her breasts. Ritter states that "I knew it had to be the bra. I had perfectly shaped burns where the cups were." She checked out the labels on the bras looking for any clues and noticed that these two new Victoria's Secret bras were made in China when her other older Victoria's Secret bras were made in India.

Suspicious how China has the most poisons, yet the largest population...hmmm. Those that do survive are going to be much stronger than us wimpy westerners and will soon over run the earth. Any day now. Any day now.

Bottom Line: Will formaldehyde preserve youthful-looking breasts?

My Kingdom for a Coupon

What do you mean, does not cover clearance???

Bow before me and grovel, (formerly) mighty retailers, for I hold the power over your destiny…

Yep. Took a few years, but my displeasure with Circuit City has finally come to fruition:

Circuit City Stores Inc. is closing 155 of its more than 700 U.S. stores by Dec. 31.
It is laying off about 17 percent of its domestic work force, which could affect up to 7,300 people.

James A. Marcum, vice chairman and acting president and chief executive, called the decision to close stores "difficult, but necessary."

"Clearly, (Circuit City) is frantically working to keep itself alive," JP Morgan analyst Christopher Horvers wrote in a note to investors.

They could start by issuing me a formal apology and a 35% off coupon…

CC incurred my wrath with a little-publicized policy known as a restocking fee. Yep. Buy it on Monday, return it on Tuesday with a receipt and get hit with a 15% restocking fee.

Not. Or should I say, not if you’re me. The cowardly manager wouldn’t come up to the desk to bail out the minimum wage worker I was about to flog to death with my unsatisfactory Epson printer, but wisely waived the fee over the courtesy phone. I’ll give you courtesy.

I went home and wrote a scathing email to their headquarters and got back a form letter stating they were sorry I was dissatisfied, but since the manager resolved it, who cares?

I care! Just like I care Macy’s is not Marshall Fields!! As do a few others…

And don’t get me started on JC Penney-pinchers!! Another retailer that could be posting record profits after placing a nice new store along my route home from work.

It all began in late August… I had been a JCP card holder for a few months, and was quite unhappy with the drought of coupons. Every other day Kohl’s was thinking up new and exciting ways to make me buy yet another tablecloth, hat or turtle bath towel. So you can imagine my excitement to receive a coupon for 20% all regular and sale merchandise. It was palpable.

I spent hours in the store and tried on many dresses. I was so excited to see they had the biggest selection of dresses I had ever seen, and being the end of summer the sun dresses were on clearance. They even had petite sizes!! I made my selections at last, and headed for the checkout.

Envision my chagrin when I didn’t get the 20% off. The lines were long, and I knew better than to argue with the teenage boy at the register. I hiked all the way back to the rear of the store where Customer Service, Ignore could be found. A very surly woman informed me the items purchased did not qualify for the discount. What? The manager came up to confirm. You see, they explained, you bought things on Clearance. Clearance is not Sale. Nor Regular. What?!

Morons. Well, another store nearby honors coupons on all sale and clearance items, I observed pointedly. I guess I’ll shop there from now on, I finished.

I stormed home and wrote a scathing email to the How Did We Do Today address on my receipt. Oh, I let them have it!!

Guess what? For participating in their crappy little survey, I got a coupon!! For 25% off all merchandise, Sale, Regular or CLEARANCE!!!!

The very next day I went back. Same cranky lady was running the desk. She was having a heated conversation with a customer over the telephone. She was explaining (I bet it was at least the fifteenth time that day) that the customer’s receipt was not wrong, clearance items did not qualify. And yes, they would take that expensive bedding set back, if that was how she felt.

I waited forever, and I’ll bet most people in line were there for the same reason. Now the manager and two other frazzled employees were frantically trying to hold the beachhead.
With a smug smirk I approached the desk. “I’d like to return this dress.” She went over the transaction. “I’d like to buy it again with THIS coupon,” I said, upon completion. Oh, that look was priceless. She wanted to strangle me with the self-belt flowing from the sides of the dress. Through gritted teeth she said, “Let’s see, the dress has been marked down again since yesterday, and now with this coupon, I now owe you…”

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! Think you can best me retail conglomerate? I think not! You will rue the day you pissed off the woman with a black belt in Shopping. When your profits dip low enough, you will beg me to come back. Just like Famously Uncomfortable Footwear.

I’ve given up on the white Sketchers. Something is inherently wrong with my pair, but wrapping the little toe on the left side with a band-aid seems to alleviate the problem, so hopefully I’ll be OK. Regardless, I just received a letter in the mail from FF explaining that although I didn’t earn enough ‘points’ for another Savings Certificate, they were sending me one anyways. But then my points were being reset to zero. Hmmm. Last coupon was $10. This one $5. Who cares? As long as I get a coupon, I don’t care what kind of games they are playing. I’ll look around there, and drop in at Just Sent Me 30% Off Anything Kohl’s. Then it’s over to 50% off any Regular priced item Michael’s and a quick (OK, they’re too humongous for quick) spin through $3 off your next visit Meijers. Oh, and Borders, if you want me to stop by, you’ve got exactly 12 hours to send me a coupon that makes it worth my while.

JC Penney? You’ve got a lot of apologizing to do. But it’s never too late. Never.

Actual Conversation

Me: (taking last bathroom paper cup) Darn! I knew I forgot to buy something at the Dollar Store today.

Al: You shouldn't buy them there. Those are probably from China and tainted.

Me: OK, fine. I won't buy any cups made north of the Mason - Dixon line.

(Full eight second pause)

Al: Ha! I get it.


Guess I'm just the Contact cold pill of comedy...

If the Horseshoe Fits...

There is a type of girl who, while incapable of cleaning her bedroom even at knife point, will fight for the privilege of being allowed to spend the day shoveling manure in a stable.

Terry Prachett

Smartest Member of the Bush Household

Wiz with the Photoshop

Would someone please send me the rest of this photo?

The part showing Margaret Hamilton/Hillary Clinton on the roof of the hut?

Stop the Insanity!

Now, before I come over there and unplug it myself!

I'm talking about the house on the highway. You know, the five acre parcel of Christmas lights as far as the eye can see? The ones keeping Santa's reindeer up at night?

Ok, They're pretty good about not lighting them up after January*, but to start November 5th? Are they nuts???

Although, I must admit, this year's addition of the animated roof display was a nice touch.

*yet large plastic snowmen, etc. aren't taken back inside until mid-May.

What Happened?

Cancer? That's what THEY want you to think.
Little mix-up in the ER? Possibly,but my money's on Alien Virus.

Or perhaps he was a robot all along... at least for the Bush Administration.

VOTE!!

We Can't Predict Who You Voted For

According to our quiz, there's a 60% chance you voted for Obama. But that means there's an 40% chance you voted for McCain. You aren't very typical. You tend to be independent, and your vote is highly coveted. While we can't predict how you voted, there's a good chance you voted for the winner!

Did You Vote for Obama or McCain?

Last Night At My House

Halloween Caption Contest!!

What do YOU think the lizards are saying?

Here's a few to get you started:

Is it Christmas already?

Hermione gets fed up with Ron and Harry.

She's the only one that finds this amusing.

That does it. We're giving her salmonella.

I ♥ Colin!

Read all about it here

Now if we could just get Condi on board...

Star Wars

Excerpts from the Yahoo! Newsroom blog...

If there's one rule in election-year politics, it's this: Don't mess with the science crowd. OK, labor unions and the NRA matter too, but John McCain may want to brush up on his stars and planets after Tuesday night's debate.

In the debate, McCain portrayed Barack Obama as an excessive spender, and he punctuated his attack (twice) with this example:
"[Obama] voted for nearly a billion dollars in pork barrel earmark projects, including, by the way, $3 million for an overhead projector at a planetarium in Chicago, Illinois. My friends, do we need to spend that kind of money?"

The Adler Planetarium even issued a statement, noting that the request, ironically, was not even funded:
"To clarify, the Adler Planetarium requested federal support -- which was not funded -- to replace the projector in its historic Sky Theater, the first planetarium theater in the Western Hemisphere.... To remain competitive and ensure national security, it is vital that we educate and inspire the next generation of explorers to pursue careers in science, technology, engineering and math."

I hereby demand a town-hall science debate hosted at MIT!

Moderator: We've assembled here the only 80 people in the U.S. that did not fall asleep during seventh-grade science class and polled them for questions in advance. I've selected the most dull and neutral to be asked here tonight, and the candidates are in no way actually obligated to provide an answer to the question posed. So let's begin with the first question: "As President, would you recognize Pluto as a planet?"

McCain: Maybe I'm just a renegade, but I recall it has been recognized as a planet ever since I was a boy. My opponent would have you believe we should reassess the status of heavenly bodies just for the sake of change, but I assure you that is a slippery slope. If it's good enough for Walt Disney, then it's good enough for the American people. However it's very far away and we can't be sure of its loyalty.

Palin: I can see Pluto from my house. Northern lights, too!

Obama: Is that right, Governor Palin? May I call you Tina? Tina, not only would I recognize Pluto, but I would include Ceres and and Eris as well, as I believe America should be all-inclusive. I'd sit down at the table with planets, asteroids and even comets and find some common space we can all agree on.

Biden: However, I'd like to point out that even if unrecognized, Pluto truly has no recourse under the Eleventh Amendment...

Moderator: Time is up. Thank you, candidates. The next question is, "Should Stem Cell Research be funded?"

Obama: I've always been a proponent of funding stem cell research. Just last week I met a mother of three named Shaquira Williams who had no health insurance for herself or her family. She told me if only she could sell a few stem cells, she could get caught up on her SUV payments... We need bi-partisan support of stem cell research increases that benefit all families, not just the wealthiest one percent the McCain plan would help.

Palin: Unlike the Democrats who favor using all kinds of stem-cells, even little baby ones, I only support using the cells from the stems of your lower plant forms. Nothing cruciferous. Like maybe grass, or dandelions. Really, it's what God intends.

Moderator: Thank you. Next question: "What is your stance on the Health Care issues facing the nation today?"

McCain: As an American who has had his share of health issues over the years, I just want to say that Senator Obama and I agree that every citizen should have access to prescription medications; much like my wife Cindy, but without the huge bribes involved in cover-up.

Biden: I love John, but let's face it. Here's a man who is probably going to need two or three colonoscopies a year. Honestly, how many times do you want the 25th Amendment invoked leaving Tina at the helm? Or can she see in his colon from the podium?

Palin: Very funny, Joe, very funny! But seriously, folks, John is too much of a maverick to let his health slide. If he needs any procedures you know darn well he won't need to be knocked out for them, not for a minute. No sir. He's got will power tough as nails. Not like some people who are off taking a few puffs behind the shed. And I'm sorry, but I don't think anybody has ever tried cocaine and not kept it up. I'm just sayin'...

Moderator: Thank you all. Last question: "What do you intend to do about Global Warming?"

Obama: All around us we can see the effects of global warming. High emissions have created conditions that endanger our planet. I think we should reach across the aisle form a bipartisan committee to determine which corporations we should tax more heavily for contributing greatly to the problem.

McCain: I guess I'll have to defer to Senator Obama on this one. He's the one who hangs out with Weathermen...

Obama: Once again, my opponent wants to deflect from the hard questions about the economy. How are you going to turn the tide, Republicans?

Palin: Print more money and get rid of the penny. More bills, like tens and twenties, will help stimulate the economy. That's cold, hard math. And math is science. So we're the science party. We win. (Smile. Wave.) God bless!

Moderator: That's all we have for tonight voters. Now YOU decide.

Biden: Actually, it's the electoral college...

I HATE it When They Don't Have My Size

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. - A customer opened fire in a crowded shopping mall Wednesday afternoon, killing a clothing store employee before he was shot and wounded by police officers, authorities said. Witnesses said the gunfire sent people "stampeding" for cover.



Once again, I'm adding new shades of meaning to the old saw "Shop Til You Drop"...

Famously Uncomfortable Footwear

No breaking (blister) news to report, but the white shoes did seem a bit better Wednesday. I stuck a band-aid to the inside top of the left shoe, and it seemed to help. I took the 'day off' today, as the yellow-tan ones matched my outfit, but I'll try the white ones tomorrow.

Note: I do not wear them all day, just to drive to and from work, and for walk into the building from the parking lot (hike!). It is best not to wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row, in order to let them dry out thoroughly between wearings. As soon as the white ones are broken in, or my feet toughen, I will not wear them twice in a row for even that little bit.

So kids... don't try this at home. I am a professional on an unlimited shoe budget. Your mileage will vary.

These are the ones I changed into at the office... cool, huh?

Tina Fey is a Genius

Sarah Palin not so much.

Speaking of Ski N' Shoot...

via videosift.com

World Series Mania!

How many cities can say they have TWO teams in the playoffs?

How many could not make it any further, despite those odds?