Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!
Monday, March 30, 2009
It's Almost May(tag)
This cartoonist has been reading my blog…
Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!
Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!
Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!Maytag sucks! Maytag sucks!
Painting Themselves Into a Corner
From WGN News:
The Chicago Park District Board this afternoon unanimously approved a 50 percent increase to the Art Institute admission fee.
The 6-0 vote means the fee will rise to $18 from $12 on May 23. (To see a comparison of museums' ticket costs click HERE.)
"We recognize how difficult the economic situation is now for everybody," Meredith Mack, the museum's deputy director and chief operating officer, said this morning as she explained the proposed fee increase to the Committee on Programs and Recreation.
"There is no good time to introduce an admission increase," she said, explaining the raised fee "is essential to allow us to uphold our mission and serve the community."
It's now cheaper to get in the Louvre. Great. But could they add Child-free Wednesdays? NOOOOOOOO!!!! You want me to pay? Give me something of value. It always costs extra for the special exhibits to begin with, and now I have to finance your expansion? Sad to say, families will spend the money at the Multiplex for Monsters 3D and not take their kids to an art museum. Except for the days I attend, of course. You would think the 'cultured' parents would have better-behaved tykes, but they don't.
The Chicago Park District Board this afternoon unanimously approved a 50 percent increase to the Art Institute admission fee.
The 6-0 vote means the fee will rise to $18 from $12 on May 23. (To see a comparison of museums' ticket costs click HERE.)
"We recognize how difficult the economic situation is now for everybody," Meredith Mack, the museum's deputy director and chief operating officer, said this morning as she explained the proposed fee increase to the Committee on Programs and Recreation.
"There is no good time to introduce an admission increase," she said, explaining the raised fee "is essential to allow us to uphold our mission and serve the community."
It's now cheaper to get in the Louvre. Great. But could they add Child-free Wednesdays? NOOOOOOOO!!!! You want me to pay? Give me something of value. It always costs extra for the special exhibits to begin with, and now I have to finance your expansion? Sad to say, families will spend the money at the Multiplex for Monsters 3D and not take their kids to an art museum. Except for the days I attend, of course. You would think the 'cultured' parents would have better-behaved tykes, but they don't.
Man Robs Credit Union, Dies in Crash
Where to begin with this one??
Harvard police officers arrived at the credit union, 1200 S. Division St., about 9:10 a.m. and saw a Toyota Prius driven by Menk leaving a business that was closed at the time, Kazy-Garey said.
Kazy-Garey said police officers tried to stop the vehicle, but Menk failed to pull over and fled.
The vehicle then crashed into a tree just north of 2513 Route 23. Harvard Fire Protection District crews were dispatched to the scene about 9:15 a.m.
Menk was killed in the crash, the McHenry County Coroner’s Office confirmed.
A) the police in this small town have a strangely convenient reputation for 'dead perpetrators'.
B) Check out the comments to the news story! They've taken some of my best material for comments, such as: Who would use a Prius as a getaway car?, the observation that the tree-hugger was done in by a tree, and Goin' Green for the Green!
I guess I really don't have more to add. Just thought you'd enjoy this.
Harvard police officers arrived at the credit union, 1200 S. Division St., about 9:10 a.m. and saw a Toyota Prius driven by Menk leaving a business that was closed at the time, Kazy-Garey said.
Kazy-Garey said police officers tried to stop the vehicle, but Menk failed to pull over and fled.
The vehicle then crashed into a tree just north of 2513 Route 23. Harvard Fire Protection District crews were dispatched to the scene about 9:15 a.m.
Menk was killed in the crash, the McHenry County Coroner’s Office confirmed.
A) the police in this small town have a strangely convenient reputation for 'dead perpetrators'.
B) Check out the comments to the news story! They've taken some of my best material for comments, such as: Who would use a Prius as a getaway car?, the observation that the tree-hugger was done in by a tree, and Goin' Green for the Green!
I guess I really don't have more to add. Just thought you'd enjoy this.
Team Stephen!!!
Whoo Hoo! A literary cat fight. The best kind!
Seems Stephen King has made the oh-so-obvious observations that JK Rowling is truly a great writer while Stephenie Meyer is... well, merely popular. I'm sure Steph is crying all the way to the bank. Right after making a vampire voodoo doll of King. (I've heard tell she's quite a diva. I've also heard Stephen is the most regular guy you'd love to share a beer with)
Links:
I'm Just a No Book Wonder
Here's an excellent Op-Ed piece from the Timothy Egan in the NYT that really captures how I feel about slaving over a cold blog while some idiots make millions.
Excerpts:
The unlicensed pipe fitter known as Joe the Plumber is out with a book this month, just as the last seconds on his 15 minutes are slipping away. I have a question for Joe: Do you want me to fix your leaky toilet?
I didn’t think so. And I don’t want you writing books. Not when too many good novelists remain unpublished. Not when too many extraordinary histories remain unread. Not when too many riveting memoirs are kicked back at authors after 10 years of toil. Not when voices in Iran, North Korea or China struggle to get past a censor’s gate.
Joe, a k a Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, was no good as a citizen, having failed to pay his full share of taxes, no good as a plumber, not being fully credentialed, and not even any good as a faux American icon.
With a résumé full of failure, he now thinks he can join the profession of Mark Twain, George Orwell and Joan Didion.
Next up may be Sarah Palin, who is said to be worth nearly $7 million if she can place her thoughts between covers. Publishers: with all the grim news of layoffs and staff cuts at the venerable houses of American letters, can we set some ground rules for these hard times? Anyone who abuses the English language on such a regular basis should not be paid to put words in print.
Most of the writers I know work every day, in obscurity and close to poverty, trying to say one thing well and true. Day in, day out, they labor to find their voice, to learn their trade, to understand nuance and pace. And then, facing a sea of rejections, they hear about something like Barbara Bush’s dog getting a book deal.
Writing is hard, even for the best wordsmiths. Ernest Hemingway said the most frightening thing he ever encountered was “a blank sheet of paper.” And Winston Churchill called the act of writing a book “a horrible, exhaustive struggle, like a long bout of painful illness.”
Not disgusted yet? How about this?
(Excerpt)
It’s official: The book world has gone crazy. Here we are, a few weeks after some of the darkest days in publishing—both in layoffs and in actual sales—and along comes the newly revamped HarperCollins imprint William Morrow to give more than $3 million to Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, the admittedly genius pilot who saved 155 lives by landing USAirways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River in January. Yes, Sully’s a bona fide hero, and after hearing his testimony in Washington about the conditions pilots work under, I believe a grateful nation owes him a big payday.
But wait: The crazy part is that the Sullenberger deal was for two books. The first will be a memoir, and the second is a collection of Sully’s inspirational poems. Who knew that next to the heart of a hero lurked the soul of a poet?
This is the kind of book deal a publisher makes in order both to make a balance sheet work—the $3.2 million goes down on two different lines, for two different titles, and thus each book “only” has to earn back half of the total—and also to humor a would-be author or, in this case, poet. (And make no mistake, if William Morrow had not signed up the second book, many other publishers would have, just to get Sully’s memoir.)
The auction, conducted by Texas-based agent Jan Miller, was a hot one, with many publishers bidding. What better way to sweeten the pot for an aspiring author—who, as a HarperCollins editor told Crain’s, “has more substance than most people getting their 15 minutes of fame”—than to grant his fondest wish? (Miller could not be reached for comment and a spokeswoman for William Morrow could not confirm that the second book will be poetry.)
But the rest of BookLand doesn’t have this pandering rationale to blame for some of the nutty deals that have gone down in the last few weeks. $2.5 million to comedian Kathy Griffin? (Who, with that advance, goes from Hollywood’s D-List to publishing’s A-list.)
Poetry? Please. I'm very surprised it wasn't a children's book. Have you ever met a grandparent that didn't have a children's book they couldn't wait to publish? Illustrated by their daughter? I haven't .
My favorite observation on the Sully book deal came from KaneCitizen. He predicts the book will be a runway bestseller.
Excerpts:
The unlicensed pipe fitter known as Joe the Plumber is out with a book this month, just as the last seconds on his 15 minutes are slipping away. I have a question for Joe: Do you want me to fix your leaky toilet?
I didn’t think so. And I don’t want you writing books. Not when too many good novelists remain unpublished. Not when too many extraordinary histories remain unread. Not when too many riveting memoirs are kicked back at authors after 10 years of toil. Not when voices in Iran, North Korea or China struggle to get past a censor’s gate.
Joe, a k a Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, was no good as a citizen, having failed to pay his full share of taxes, no good as a plumber, not being fully credentialed, and not even any good as a faux American icon.
With a résumé full of failure, he now thinks he can join the profession of Mark Twain, George Orwell and Joan Didion.
Next up may be Sarah Palin, who is said to be worth nearly $7 million if she can place her thoughts between covers. Publishers: with all the grim news of layoffs and staff cuts at the venerable houses of American letters, can we set some ground rules for these hard times? Anyone who abuses the English language on such a regular basis should not be paid to put words in print.
Most of the writers I know work every day, in obscurity and close to poverty, trying to say one thing well and true. Day in, day out, they labor to find their voice, to learn their trade, to understand nuance and pace. And then, facing a sea of rejections, they hear about something like Barbara Bush’s dog getting a book deal.
Writing is hard, even for the best wordsmiths. Ernest Hemingway said the most frightening thing he ever encountered was “a blank sheet of paper.” And Winston Churchill called the act of writing a book “a horrible, exhaustive struggle, like a long bout of painful illness.”
Not disgusted yet? How about this?
(Excerpt)
It’s official: The book world has gone crazy. Here we are, a few weeks after some of the darkest days in publishing—both in layoffs and in actual sales—and along comes the newly revamped HarperCollins imprint William Morrow to give more than $3 million to Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, the admittedly genius pilot who saved 155 lives by landing USAirways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River in January. Yes, Sully’s a bona fide hero, and after hearing his testimony in Washington about the conditions pilots work under, I believe a grateful nation owes him a big payday.
But wait: The crazy part is that the Sullenberger deal was for two books. The first will be a memoir, and the second is a collection of Sully’s inspirational poems. Who knew that next to the heart of a hero lurked the soul of a poet?
This is the kind of book deal a publisher makes in order both to make a balance sheet work—the $3.2 million goes down on two different lines, for two different titles, and thus each book “only” has to earn back half of the total—and also to humor a would-be author or, in this case, poet. (And make no mistake, if William Morrow had not signed up the second book, many other publishers would have, just to get Sully’s memoir.)
The auction, conducted by Texas-based agent Jan Miller, was a hot one, with many publishers bidding. What better way to sweeten the pot for an aspiring author—who, as a HarperCollins editor told Crain’s, “has more substance than most people getting their 15 minutes of fame”—than to grant his fondest wish? (Miller could not be reached for comment and a spokeswoman for William Morrow could not confirm that the second book will be poetry.)
But the rest of BookLand doesn’t have this pandering rationale to blame for some of the nutty deals that have gone down in the last few weeks. $2.5 million to comedian Kathy Griffin? (Who, with that advance, goes from Hollywood’s D-List to publishing’s A-list.)
Poetry? Please. I'm very surprised it wasn't a children's book. Have you ever met a grandparent that didn't have a children's book they couldn't wait to publish? Illustrated by their daughter? I haven't .
My favorite observation on the Sully book deal came from KaneCitizen. He predicts the book will be a runway bestseller.
Back With Some Posts
Sorry I haven't posted in so long - a certain somebody has been tying up the computer as of late. That would be AL, the same guy who left two used Kleenexes on the desk here. Yuck. Between work projects and my yet-to-be-delivered Christmas gift of digital recording of the TV on our PC, Al has had the computer in use the past few weekends. I decided to take a day off work and see if I can catch up around here a bit.
Here's something sad: Watched Super eat himself to death yesterday. It was awful. I had moved him to a larger tank with two female Bettas. Usually, I wouldn't keep a male in with the females, as they could get aggressive and pick on them to the point of killing them, but Super was not the most robust fish as of late, and seemed mild enough to get along.
For about a week, things went swimmingly. No problems, everyone happy. Then for some reason I gave out the pelleted food for a change of pace. Three fish, four or five pellets. Simple. Until Super decided he had to eat ALL the pellets, all at once. Why? Suddenly some competition thing kick in? Afraid he wouldn't get anything to eat? I never noticed a problem with the flakes. Everyone seemed to get their share. Strange. The directions said "Do not feed more than fish will eat in two minutes". It said nothing about "Fish will eat to bursting. Do not exceed one pellet." Perhaps I have a lawsuit?
About thirty seconds later, Super hit the bottom of the bowl and passed away. Weird. The females don't act like this at all...
#1: Oh, look, food at the surface.
#2 You go ahead, I'm watching my scales.
#1 No, really, you first. These fins make me look fat.
#2 Is that a low-carb pellet? I'll wait for a flake.
#1 I think it's shrimp, but where's the sauce?
Here's something sad: Watched Super eat himself to death yesterday. It was awful. I had moved him to a larger tank with two female Bettas. Usually, I wouldn't keep a male in with the females, as they could get aggressive and pick on them to the point of killing them, but Super was not the most robust fish as of late, and seemed mild enough to get along.
For about a week, things went swimmingly. No problems, everyone happy. Then for some reason I gave out the pelleted food for a change of pace. Three fish, four or five pellets. Simple. Until Super decided he had to eat ALL the pellets, all at once. Why? Suddenly some competition thing kick in? Afraid he wouldn't get anything to eat? I never noticed a problem with the flakes. Everyone seemed to get their share. Strange. The directions said "Do not feed more than fish will eat in two minutes". It said nothing about "Fish will eat to bursting. Do not exceed one pellet." Perhaps I have a lawsuit?
About thirty seconds later, Super hit the bottom of the bowl and passed away. Weird. The females don't act like this at all...
#1: Oh, look, food at the surface.
#2 You go ahead, I'm watching my scales.
#1 No, really, you first. These fins make me look fat.
#2 Is that a low-carb pellet? I'll wait for a flake.
#1 I think it's shrimp, but where's the sauce?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Don't You Just Hate ...
People who look better drunk than you do sober?
Chicago Police busted busty brunette Playboy centerfold Crystal McCahill for driving her 2005 VW Passat through a red light, while drunk and mumbling incoherently.
Don't you make enough from a centerfold to buy a cool car???
Chicago Police busted busty brunette Playboy centerfold Crystal McCahill for driving her 2005 VW Passat through a red light, while drunk and mumbling incoherently.
Don't you make enough from a centerfold to buy a cool car???
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
So Shoe Me
At the health club tonight, my foot kept slipping on the step. I didn't think much of it until I got back to the locker room and took of my Avias and saw a the rubber heel was made of two pieces, and they have pulled apart.
Way to go! After only two years of health-club-only wear, the shoe falls apart. What's with that? Does no one practice craftsmanship any more? Take any pride in the product they produce? Some third-world fourteen-year-old working sixteen hour days had to go to the bathroom and deliver twins right when my shoe was coming down the line? Thanks tons. See if I buy this brand again.
Al suggested I take it back to the place I bought it. Great idea, if I could recall where that was. He considered a letter to the manufacturer, but most likely they would say they knew some of their defectives ended up at low-end stores on the Clearance rack, and, well, we all know that's where I shop, so not a plan.
I hope my other pair holds up better. For now, I'm having a Shoe-mergency. I actually need a pair! Has that happened before? Not often. I better start looking for a coupon now. I'll limp through KickBox tomorrow and hopefully can try and get out shopping Thursday or Friday.
Way to go! After only two years of health-club-only wear, the shoe falls apart. What's with that? Does no one practice craftsmanship any more? Take any pride in the product they produce? Some third-world fourteen-year-old working sixteen hour days had to go to the bathroom and deliver twins right when my shoe was coming down the line? Thanks tons. See if I buy this brand again.
Al suggested I take it back to the place I bought it. Great idea, if I could recall where that was. He considered a letter to the manufacturer, but most likely they would say they knew some of their defectives ended up at low-end stores on the Clearance rack, and, well, we all know that's where I shop, so not a plan.
I hope my other pair holds up better. For now, I'm having a Shoe-mergency. I actually need a pair! Has that happened before? Not often. I better start looking for a coupon now. I'll limp through KickBox tomorrow and hopefully can try and get out shopping Thursday or Friday.
Watch the video titled "The Office" here. It's staring ME!
Am I The Only One?
Whose entire 'retirement plan' consists of Bernie Madoff blinking out the number of a Swiss bank account to me during his trial??
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My Funeral Will be Financed by a Coupon
Eleven. It's one more.
As mentioned in the post below, another five inches of snow and ice has kept me inside today. And yesterday, and the day before...
All I've done is drink beverages with artificial sweeteners and caffeine. I'm pretty sure my liver signed up on a donor list to get away from me when I wasn't looking. About the only thing positive I have to report is my recent encounter with some Walgreen's coupons.
First off, what's with the prefix Wal? Wall Drugs? Walgreen's. Wal-Mart? Must be an ancient druid syllable for evil.
Anyhoo... I'm no fan of Walgreen's, but when you send me a COUPON, well, that's just not a level playing field. I get this flyer in the mail offering me $3 off any purchase of $10 or more. Ambrosia! Coupons are catnip for my soul. How can I say no to almost 30% off if I play my cards right? Play them I did!
I have been wanting to buy some more Diet Coke, but the ungodly high prices at the grocery store have been deterring me. Some big caramel coloring shortage I'm not aware of? A case is now over seven dollars. I remember when it was under five...
Wow, Grandma, tell us more...
Well, this was before it was revealed that kola nut, caffeine, 7X, and lime combine to create a more brain-altering and addictive substance than methamphetamine; and just like the tobacco industry, the soda makers knew about it years earlier and covered up the deadly effects...
I tried a few off brands and found them to be just that - off. I'm not a Pepsi fan at all, so the more costly Coke is what I covet. What is it about products with phony 'secret recipes'?? I can't get enough of them. Coke. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mmmmm!!! Eleven herbs and Carcinogens! Yum!*
So, due to the coupon, I decided to shop for soda. Score! They had three twelve-packs for eleven dollars, so that would give me the cost needed to invoke the coupon. I picked up both Diet and Diet With Lime and headed for the check out waving my coupon. After ringing me up, the little computer by the register began to print out those 'bonus coupons' based on your purchases. I didn't even know Walgreens did this! Lo and behold, a $2 coupon for anything two dollars or more!! Whee!!
After loading the soda in my trunk, I marched right back in for my 'second and separate visit'. I grabbed the People magazine with Rihanna on the cover. That brought the price in half! Then, when going through the magazine, I found a coupon for a FREE box of Milk Bones!!!
Score for the win!!!
*Motto: Trans-fat free since NEVER!
You Win, Weather
You win, Winter.
I am cold, pale, fat and depressed. I concede you are stronger than me and resistance is futile.
You will never go away and I now live in Narnia.
I hope you're happy. If you'll excuse me, I'm going back to the couch.
Your Home is Not a Zoo
Decidedly LESS fun than a barrel of monkeysOK, can we all agree adolescent chimpanzees DO NOT make good pets?
And when the owner said it was a "Freak Accident", did you mentally add: "You're a freak, and there was a terrible accident"?
Will everyone reading this please promise not to give any of their animals Xanax?
How bad was it? The victim has no eyes, nose or jaw anymore. Medical personnel responding to the scene have received counseling. THAT's how bad it was. How sad for everyone.
STAMFORD, Conn. - Doctors say a Connecticut woman mauled by a 200-pound chimpanzee is making slight progress after more than seven hours of surgery by four teams of surgeons.Dr. Kevin Miller of Stamford Hospital says 55-year-old Charla Nash suffered extensive facial and hand injuries when she was attacked Monday. He says stabilizing her condition took more than seven hours of surgery. Nash was attended by hand specialists, plastic surgeons and specialists in orthopedics, ophthalmology and trauma. Miller says it's good that Nash has made some progress, but she has a long way to go. Nash was attacked by a 14-year-old domesticated chimpanzee owned by her friend, Sandra Herold of Stamford. Police shot and killed the chimp.
Earlier Wednesday, the owner of the domesticated chimpanzee backtracked on whether she gave the animal the anti-anxiety drug Xanax.
Sandra Herold told The Associated Press on Wednesday that she "never, ever" gave the drug to her 14-year-old chimp, Travis. However, Herold said in an interview aired Wednesday morning on NBC's "TODAY" show that she gave Travis the drug in some tea less than five minutes before he attacked Nash — she even showed a reporter the mug.
Earlier Wednesday, the owner of the domesticated chimpanzee backtracked on whether she gave the animal the anti-anxiety drug Xanax.
Sandra Herold told The Associated Press on Wednesday that she "never, ever" gave the drug to her 14-year-old chimp, Travis. However, Herold said in an interview aired Wednesday morning on NBC's "TODAY" show that she gave Travis the drug in some tea less than five minutes before he attacked Nash — she even showed a reporter the mug.
Who Hates Zoo??
The writers of the stimulus package, apparently...
"None of the funds appropriated or otherwise made available in this Act may be used by an State or local government, or any private entity, for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, or swimming pool."
What?
A) I'm shocked rich white guys didn't make sure golf courses got a bailout. Low greens fees are expressly covered under 'pursuit of happiness by lying about my score".
B) Swimming pools are germ pits, so who cares?
C) Aquariums and Zoos are not Casinos!!!!
Some poor giraffe won't get his hay because you know darn well Grandma won't be giving up the Riverboat before taking the grand kids to the Zoo.
Guess what? Many U.S. zoos and aquariums were built 75 years ago as a result of Roosevelt's Works Progress Administration package. Now they badly need updating!
Somehow museums found their way into the funding... so where's the justice here? The language barring z&a mysteriously appeared last month in the final draft. Were they seen as a local attraction? Or just not worthy? Zoos are more than recreational activities, and loss of funding precisely when attendance may be down is disheartening.
Call on your Senators to fund these precious resources. I for one will not rest until "No Child Wednesdays" have been subsidized!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
February Freeze
What everyday cars should look like...As the auto industry is sinking, I won't be heading down to Chicago to shiver in long lines for a bagful of auto brochures of cars I have no intention of buying.
However, I was surprised to learn there was a Corvette Concept Car on display, one of the few reasons I might actually don thermal underwear. Seems GM has no intention of making this vehicle, which puts it right on par with every other concept car I've seen for the last twenty years. Instead, it's just a mock-up as a product placement in the new Transformers movie "Revenge of the Fallen". Yawn. How about a movie called "The Revenge of the Overly-Gas-Taxed"? You think zombies are scary? Wait until you see the entire population of Illinois after the proposed 19 cent gas-tax increase to bail out a failing Chicago Transportation System. I'd join the protest, but they cancelled the Free Trolleys.And don't get me started on the Olympics!!!! Read about what happens to people who make waves here. This will be the biggest patronage project the world has ever seen, and I can only hope it is the final straw that brings Daley down.
Speaking of Zombies (and Raptors): lighten up, IDOT. This is good, clean, undead fun.
Let's All Meditate on the Green Lotus
From AutoBlog:
In spite of the large Dodge EV branding that was on this car when it first appeared last fall, it was obvious to all that it was simply a Lotus Europa. In spite of Chrysler's seemingly inexorable drive to insolvency in recent months, the engineers and designers in Auburn Hills have continued to try make the best use of the time they have left with a paycheck. The electric sports car now known as the Circuit EV has been the beneficiary of cross-hair nose job that is actually an improvement over the Lotus original. The tail has also been revamped and the plug socket has moved from the passenger side to the driver's side flank. The specs haven't changed so the Circuit is still a bit slower than a Tesla Roadster with a 0-60 time of under 5 seconds. The range is also estimated at 150-200 miles. It's anyone's guess what the real world range would be though since no one outside Chrysler or Lotus has thoroughly tested the Circuit yet. The other guess is whether Chrysler LLC will be around long enough to actually sell the Circuit to customers. Maybe we should start a pool to see which company will hold longer, Chrysler or Tesla?
What I want to know is: If you actually try to drive one of these cars like a sports car (i.e. punching it at a light to beat the guy in the next lane) would you get far less miles as it would sap the battery?? I see myself not being able to get home from work due to an ill-advised shootout with a Cobalt. Al says not to worry. My hard braking at stop signs will recharge it. At any rate, I'd love to own a Lotus and if it helped the environment, all the better.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Whew!
Well, we still have one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish over here, so it seems Daytona will make a full recovery.
Now I can spend my time worrying about animals in real peril -
The suffering survivors of the Australian wildfires.
Monday, February 09, 2009
You Betta Your Life
This is Super, not Daytona, but it's the only picture I had at the moment.
How do you apologize to a fish?
I may have killed poor little Daytona tonight, and I feel awful about it.
I was cleaning his (and Super's) tank in the laziest and most dangerous possible way - skimming off some of the water over the kitchen sink and planning to replace about 40% of it with fresh. Things were going fine until Daytona decided he DID want to leave with the old water and ended up stuck in the sink drain - sans strainer. I went from zero to Fishcon IV in 1/16th of a second, and had to grab him with my bare hands before he slipped down the drain of death.
He was obviously in bad shape, lolling on his side with blood red gills and Trout Almondine eyes. It was really creepy to see those little eyes at a 45-degree angle from his head. I thought he was gone for sure. Lacking Stress-Coat, I threw some salt in the water and hoped for the best.
He's a little better now. More vertical, calm. Dazed perhaps, in shock from all the excitement. I hope he makes it through the night.
Sounds Like My Bailout Will be North of $10K...
...These steps will put more money in the pockets of those Americans who are most likely to spend it*, and that will help break the cycle and get our economy moving.
* That would be ME.
GM, I'm waiting to hear from you!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I'm Prepared!
You know the part where they are stumbling over the oath of office, and the words just aren't coming out right? That's right where I would have said, "That's OK, I wrote my own oath right here! Let's see ... I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States for the rest of my life."
Oh, like Cheney didn't think of it...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Like You Didn't Think of It
Didn't you want them to put the camera on Hillary's face right when he took the oath???
Free at Last! Free at Last!
I have a dream, and it involves getting alot of freebies...
(Monday, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, not too terribly bright or early)
Me: I'd like my free coffee!!
DDV: Well, OK, I'll do it this time, but just to let you know, it's only from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. ....
Me: (Looking at very accurate car clock and seeing 6:56) Oh, uh, thank you...
Like what? You have an atomic clock in there? A timer set on the lead-encased For Free Coffee Only brewer that doesn't kick in until 6:59 to prevent evil early birds like myself? By the time I get to "window two" buddy, not only will it be after seven a.m., but the damn coffee will be cold.
On a plus side, this morning's offering was a real size 'small', not that teensy little sampler I got one day. I have overcome!
I was so happy I didn't even pull into that second McDonald's I pass on this route. Maybe next week.
Like it's my fault they put one every four blocks. I can see them radioing to each other over the little drive through headsets... It's that free broad again! Don't give her any more!!
Hey, I'm ecologically conscious. I'd be fine with just filling the first paper cup again....
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wish I'd Said That!
"Toyota's developing a miniature, environmentally-friendly car that is powered entirely by a rechargeable battery. Yeah. Meanwhile, Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs on rain forest trees and panda blood." --Conan O'Brien
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I Don't Think So!
Foiling Pteranodon Takeoffs Since the Cretaceous!So the lead story at Yahoo News tonight is the plane crash in the Hudson. What upset me about their little post was their encapsulation of the story as a link to read more.
It read: Birds to blame
Excuse me? Birds? Those cute little fluffy descendants of dinosaurs that have been on earth say, a hundred million years???? While we humans have been polluting up the sky some oh, one hundred? That's one hundred, period. Not one hundred thousand. Not one hundred million. Nope. Using 1903's Kitty Hawk launch, I'd say we were the brash newcomer here, wouldn't you? Not like we've each developed the ability to 'see' the earth's magnetic fields or anything, eh?
Anyhoo, nice to know no one was killed. Well, except for those birds! In the waning days of the Bush administration, I'm sure this incident will be blamed on Hummingbird Hamas or Al-Queda Kites or something... see the NY Times Daily Intel to prove I'm not alone on this airstream.
But my outrage goes on: while researching the whole bird evolution question, I typed in "When did birds appear on Earth" into Google.
Oh, WikiAnswers, that looks good, I thought.
Not so much. Nothing like being fundamentally right.
What to do? Well, frankly this group scares me: Bird Strike Committee USA
They certainly dramatize the 218 people killed by birds striking aircraft, but catch this little line:
About 90% of all bird strikes in the U.S. are by species federally protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.
look closer, and see that it was preceded by:
The nesting population of bald eagles in the contiguous USA increased from fewer than 400 pairs in 1970 (2 years before DDT and similar chlorinated-hydrocarbon insecticides were banned) to over 11,000 pairs in 2007. Over 100 bald eagle strikes with civil aircraft have been reported in USA, 1990-2007. Mean body mass of bald eagles = 9.1 lbs (male); 11.8 lbs (female).
Ah-Ha!! Just remove federal protection from Bald Eagles and California Condors and voila! Problem solved. We can shoot them within a five hundred mile radius of any airport. Call Sara Palin! There's some huntin' licences to be issued!
Why the Chicago Tribune is in Bankruptcy
Received the following e-mail from my paper:
Come join us for this monumental event! The Subscriber Advantage team will be dressed in orange Subscriber Advantage gear, stationed next to the inflatable Chicago Tribune balloon giving out TribCODE cards that are worth 150 TribPOINTS! Come show your support and be apart of history. See details below.
Sincerely, Subscriber Advantage
Gosh, think Sam Zell got rid of, oh, say 2000 too many editors?????????? Whatever you do, don't let history catch you!!!
Come join us for this monumental event! The Subscriber Advantage team will be dressed in orange Subscriber Advantage gear, stationed next to the inflatable Chicago Tribune balloon giving out TribCODE cards that are worth 150 TribPOINTS! Come show your support and be apart of history. See details below.
Sincerely, Subscriber Advantage
Gosh, think Sam Zell got rid of, oh, say 2000 too many editors?????????? Whatever you do, don't let history catch you!!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Whew!
I've been wearing the $21 made-in-China down & feather jacket all week and have yet to contract avian flu. We are already in the top ten of both coldest and snowiest winter seasons ever recorded in the Chicago area. Wheee!!!
I have done nothing but eat carbohydrates. I wanted to exercise, but I can't get to the health club, the roads are so bad. Really can't take another three months of this.
When I was a kid, every September I would read my complete boxed set of Laura Ingalls Wilder novels. Although These Happy Golden Years was my favorite, The Long Winter made the most impact. Even then, I was extremely concerned about being trapped somewhere cold with no food. And would you have told Paleface anything if you were that Indian? Heck, no. Let 'em eat each other. I'd have been snug and warm visiting my distant cousins the Seminoles for the winter.
i'd Sell the iStock
Am iMissing something here? Why doesn't he just snap in a new iPancreas?
SEATTLE – Apple Inc. co-founder and Chief Executive Steve Jobs said Wednesday he is taking a medical leave until the end of June — just a week after the cancer survivor tried to assure investors and employees his recent weight loss was caused by an easily treatable hormone deficiency.
Apple's stock plunged 6 percent.
Jobs, 53, said in a letter last week that he would remain at Apple's helm despite the hormone problem, and that he had already begun a "relatively simple and straightforward" treatment. But in an e-mail to employees Wednesday, Jobs backtracked.
"During the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought," he wrote.
Apple's shares have surged and crashed over the last year in step with rumors or news about the CEO's health and his gaunt appearance. While the top executive's health is an issue for investors in any company, at Apple the level of concern reaches fever pitch because Jobs has a hand in everything from ideas for new products to the way they're marketed. Investors fear that without Jobs, Apple will not be able to sustain its growth of the last decade, which has seen Apple branch out from its Mac computers into the iPod and the iPhone.
Apple's stock plunged 6 percent.
Jobs, 53, said in a letter last week that he would remain at Apple's helm despite the hormone problem, and that he had already begun a "relatively simple and straightforward" treatment. But in an e-mail to employees Wednesday, Jobs backtracked.
"During the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought," he wrote.
Apple's shares have surged and crashed over the last year in step with rumors or news about the CEO's health and his gaunt appearance. While the top executive's health is an issue for investors in any company, at Apple the level of concern reaches fever pitch because Jobs has a hand in everything from ideas for new products to the way they're marketed. Investors fear that without Jobs, Apple will not be able to sustain its growth of the last decade, which has seen Apple branch out from its Mac computers into the iPod and the iPhone.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Free Fits Me to a Tea
Went shopping today and didn't find what I was looking for, namely a long down jacket in any color but black. Tried on quite a few at Bergner's and Macy's. One nice cream colored one was marked down - and it was down filled - but not down enough! I couldn't see $180 for something that would me dirty by the time I got out to the car. Me and light colors don't exactly get along, but it was by far the nicest-looking of all I have tried. A few silver ones were maybes, but not quite. There was a white one that was cute, but who wants to look like the Michelin Man?
I did however find a short black jacket sans hood with down and feather content that was on sale for an astounding $21! Sold! Still need a long one for dress/work, but this is a nice jacket with jeans, etc. I now need to get rid of a few jackets to make way for this new one.
Went to Ulta 3 where I usually do quite well with coupons. I had their $3.50 off store coupon and a few other coupons in their little flyer for razor blades and apricot scrub. They had buy one, get one free on Loreal and BOGO 50% off on Cover Girl. I had coupons for both the Loreal Products but the girl wouldn't take one! She said I couldn't use it on the 'free' item! What's with that? It gets turned in to the manufacture from the store. They just verify it's an item the store sells. Do they have to prove they charged something for the item? It just upset me. I ended up spending way too much in there. Now I'm not happy. Think I'll stay away from them - or at least only redeem their free 'points' item - they didn't make me buy anything to do that last time.
Thank goodness I 'redeemed' myself over at Starbucks... I had this coupon for a free Teatime. Tea is their new drink special and they were featuring Full-Leaf Tazo Tea Lattes and Tazo Tea Infusions. I also had a card for $2 tea after 2 p.m. , so I figured I could buy one at $2 and get one free for Al. The girl took my order for a Berry Infusion and London Fog (Vanilla, Earl Grey and steamed milk). She then announced 'it came up free' and I didn't owe her anything!!! Wheeee!! Nothing warms like free!
I highly recommend either drink - the London Fog tasted like warm milk before bed, and the Infusion was very berry. Also comes in apple, must taste like cider.
I've had too many sweet drinks today, but this record snowfall season really has me depressed. Here's my new favorite drink. I had it in a restaurant that called it a Cherry Turtle. Based on the name alone, I wanted one! How cherry figures in this, I haven't a clue, but if you stop by my house this winter, I'll be glad to make you one.
Hot Chocolate
Amaretto
Bailey's Carmel Cream
Whip Cream/cinnamon topping
Chemical Warfare
As you are well aware, artificial claims can boost your stock price in some very concrete ways...
From the Chicago Tribune:
Chicago-based Merisant Worldwide Inc., maker of the artificial sweetener Equal, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Friday, hobbled by the global credit crisis and sliding sales.
(blame the no-so-sweet-economy...)
In 2008, Splenda grabbed 60 percent of the market, and Equal had only 11 percent, third after Sweet & Low. (That's not Equal at all!)
The upshot: Merisant's revenues sank 18 percent from 2003 through 2007, when they totaled $290 million. For 2008's first nine months, sales were off another 6 percent from a year earlier.
(causing cancer is a competitive business)
Merisant is betting on future growth through PureVia, a zero-calorie natural sweetener derived from the leaves of the stevia shrub. Tabletop sweeteners under the PureVia brand are rolling out in stores nationwide. (I have a coupon and will try it! My theory is changing cancer causing chemicals every so often helps delay the buildup of any one type...)
Nyah, Nyah
Hey, Burris, I've got Jesse White's signature right here...
On my driver's licence! Hope you plan on getting a ride to the capitol building, dude.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Do You Do This?
Still Dry!
Leave the manicurist's with wet nails and caaaaarefullllly open your car door; slooooowly put on seat belt so as not to smudge polish; start car and blast heat from top vents pointed at steering wheel so you can dry your nails as you drive? (Or, in summer air conditioning?)
Add five points if you drive a stick-shift, as I do.
Subtract ten points if you are male.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
I Knew it!!
From the New York Times:
The five-month slide in gasoline prices has come to an abrupt halt, with gasoline rising by several cents in recent days amid indicators that the national average could jump to $2 a gallon or higher this spring.
The five-month slide in gasoline prices has come to an abrupt halt, with gasoline rising by several cents in recent days amid indicators that the national average could jump to $2 a gallon or higher this spring.
The Year-End Figures are in...
I don't know about you, but the only thing showed a net gain in 2008
was my annual holiday weight gain.
Pink Iguanas
No, it's not a fruity tropical drink, it's a newly-discovered subspecies of land iguana found on the Galapagos! Darwin must have missed it. I need to book my flight now! I'd love to see these in the wild. Seem friendly. (famous last words of tourists consumed by local fauna)
Monday, January 05, 2009
F for effort
Guess I've found another item to add to the list of "things I am better off not knowing"...
This one is right up there with "stuff my government won't tell me" and "ingredients in peperoni". I was minding my own business trying to jab, jab, uppercut, roundhouse kick in my aerobics class tonight when I saw that nice little dishwater blond girl from the front desk enter the gym. She's not a bundle of charisma or anything, but she does indulge my request for locker number zero, so she's OK in my book.
She strolls over to the drinking fountain at the far end of the basketball court and sprays what I assume to be disinfectant on the stainless steel bowl. Then she swipes a gym towel over it, moves to the other fountain, does the same, and walks away. That's it. Didn't clean the spout. Didn't clean the push bar. Didn't use different towels or leave the disinfectant on sixty seconds. Nothing. Gee, I wonder why I wake up in the middle of the night from flesh-eating bacteria nightmares?
The germaphobe in me is screaming so loud at this point I can't hear the instructor or the blaring hip-hop. Is it rude to rush across a crowded court and give a detailed lesson on the proper way to clean? Do I have to do EVERYONE'S job, from the President down to the idiot behind the counter at the DMV in order to get anything done right? Must I bring my own bottle of bleach EVERYWHERE???
Read about a young man after my own heart here
"..His results shocked everyone. The fountain water was swimming with bacteria while the bathroom toilet water was significantly cleaner.
The cleanest fountain was located in the fifth- and sixth-grade hallway, while the dirtiest was just outside the gym, Katherman said. But even the cleanest fountain wasn't as clean as the toilet.
"The toilet water is usually cleaner with regard to bacteria because toilets get continuously flushed, whereas a water fountain is left open to the environment," said Dr. Phillip Tierno of New York University Medical Center. "You know that toilets are occasionally washed, but I've never seen a water fountain sanitized at all."
The No-SX
Now I am the first to cry foul when the words "Japanese" and "Supercar" are uttered in the same breath, but I also must confess to loving my Acura like no other car since that adorable little X-19 came into my life. So I admit to feeling a little hurt when I read Honda has officially killed off any plans to produce the NSX Acura V10 monster rumored to be in the later stages of development.I can't profess to being a fan of the whole NSX idea, as my RSX S-Type was discontinued so they could pursue this silly dream of a $100K race car. Why drop your only cheap, sporty, two door coupe? If you can't make those sales figures, why bother with the supercar? Oh, wait, I'm not an automobile executive making millions, so my ideas must be crappy. Although, I understand that Takeo Fukui, Honda's 61-year-old president runs the company from a desk in the center of the 10th floor HQ's and Executives at Honda don't have offices and 36 board members share $13 million in salary and bonus, which is just about enough for one boss at a big American company. They also are taking 10% pay cuts this year, things are so bad.
Bottom Line: Where's that Corvette Coupon? I've been checking my mailbox GM. Don't disappoint your shareholders.
Other item to ponder: What will happen to those basically-finished prototypes??
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Nostrabogus
Look! The polar ice caps are melting and the seas are rising!Engaged in my favorite Sunday activity of fusing my spine to the couch during a day-long History Channel fest today. At the end, I came away wondering who won World War II.
Why? Because they did the stupidest special called Nostradamus 2012 that came across as documentary declaring him a prophet who foretold global warming and predicting a global cataclysm for 2012. If that passes as History Channel fodder, I'm concerned Hitler wasn't defeated.
Sorry, but I don't buy the whole mighty prophet thing. I think he was a political satirist. (However, I will buy lunch for anyone who can start a lasting rumor that this blog predicts the future or holds secret Freemason imagery. Bonus points for claiming it cures macular degeneration and insomnia.) Their 'experts' who claimed he predicted global warming were beyond laughable. I recall years ago when the big hysteria was he predicted Hitler, JFK's assassination, and the rise of the Antichrist. Whatever.
Human beings are hardwired to find patterns. Even I have to be on guard to not attribute too much to coincidence, lest I become superstitious or over confident of random outcomes.
The best part of the show was how they explained the significance of the date December 21, 2012* (I kept hoping they would interview Geddy Lee, but no luck.) It was theorized that the Mayan culture had identified a 26,000 year-cycle when the sun would appear to rise in the middle of the Milky Way and mark a time of great chaos and conflict. This one approaching would be Leo. The last one was Aquarius. Al and I shot meaningful smirks across the room to one another. Yep. He's Leo. I'm Aquarius. Look out, universe. By the way, 2009 will be the Chinese Year of the Ox, and that's Al. Always liked their zodiac better. One thing from China I admire! What do you know. Perhaps the planet will explode soon.
Anyhoo, I don't even agree with that appraisal - some say the Mayans just meant that Y26K was a time of great celebration. And like a more recent Y2K event, any doomsday hype is seriously overrated.
USA Today on the sudden glut of 12/21/12 doom and gloom books:
But scholars are bristling at attempts to link the ancient Maya with trends in contemporary spirituality. Maya civilization, known for advanced writing, mathematics and astronomy, flourished for centuries in Mesoamerica, especially between A.D. 300 and 900. Its Long Count calendar, which was discontinued under Spanish colonization, tracks more than 5,000 years, then resets at year zero.
"For the ancient Maya, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle," says Sandra Noble, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mesoamerican Studies in Crystal River, Fla. To render Dec. 21, 2012, as a doomsday or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is "a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in."
Part of the 2012 mystique stems from the stars. On the winter solstice in 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years. This means that "whatever energy typically streams to Earth from the center of the Milky Way will indeed be disrupted on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. Universal Time," Joseph writes.
But scholars doubt the ancient Maya extrapolated great meaning from anticipating the alignment — if they were even aware of what the configuration would be.
Astronomers generally agree that "it would be impossible the Maya themselves would have known that," says Susan Milbrath, a Maya archaeoastronomer and a curator at the Florida Museum of Natural History. What's more, she says, "we have no record or knowledge that they would think the world would come to an end at that point."
University of Florida anthropologist Susan Gillespie says the 2012 phenomenon comes "from media and from other people making use of the Maya past to fulfill agendas that are really their own."
I think Al summed it up best when he noted: Perhaps the Mayan calendar stopped at 2012 because they were invaded before they could record any further dates...
The other History Channel specials I watched were on the Seven Deadly Sins. How appropriate. Right before I start my diet tomorrow...
These episodes were more enjoyable and informative. They explained who first listed eight transgressions or temptations and how Pope Gregory combined them down to a holy seven figure and declared them Sins. Gotta love those Popes. They're Infallible. Even before they knew they were.
There were lots of good tidbits and examples (I am waiting for Donald Trump's lawsuit for showing film clips of him whenever Pride or Vainglory were mentioned) of how religion and society interpreted each of the sins, etc. Now I did not see all segments, just Greed, Anger and Pride.
I particularly enjoyed it when Al came in and grabbed the remote in that "oblivious to all other's feelings" way only a man who has just bought a 52" TV can, and started seeing what else might be on. "I'm watching a show about ANGER," I growled through gritted teeth. "I don't suggest you change it." He wisely let me continue my sin-fest.
How did this famous list miss the biggest sin of all? Hypocrisy. Oh, wait, the makers of the list were huge hypocrites, that's how. My bad.
No, really, did anyone see this series? Did they fold that one in somehow? Do you agree my point? Are not hypocrites the worst of all? I don't recall it mentioned in the Greed segment, but it seems it may fit there, as a means of personal gain; an I can, you can't type of psychology. Dante threw them in the eighth circle, so I know they're important and fit in there somehow. Along with people who see prophesies in the past-tense only and seem unable to come up with a valid future prediction from either their own or someone else's writings.
Well, it's pretty late, so good night, and until next time... I predict higher gas prices!!
*Hurry! Only some 1460 more shopping days to the Apocalypse!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
I've Been Robbed!!
( As the shoes are from Miami, legally none of them can be worn with socks...)
No more loafering around, they're pumped
MIAMI – State troopers are looking for a charity to take thousands of shoes that were dumped on a Miami expressway, tying up rush hour traffic. Lt. Pat Santangelo says the Florida Highway Patrol received a call about the shoes Friday morning.
Santangelo says he's not sure where the shoes came from. There were no signs of a crash and no one stopped to claim them. He says he hopes someone will take them because he doesn't want to send them to the dump.
Workers using a front-end loader and a dump truck were able to quickly clear at least one lane by sweeping all the shoes to shoulder, but delays were expected until they could all be removed.
Bet that "Tied-Up" traffic a bit... What sole-less monster would do this?
Friday, January 02, 2009
Why I Love America
At least we can laugh at ourselves:
Brad Pettet, owner of Pettet Jewelry Designs in Peoria, is selling three-quarter-inch tall charms for necklaces and bracelets shaped as a U.S. Senate seat.“The whole point of this is to have a little bit of fun,” Pettet said Tuesday. “People say they are embarrassed to be from Illinois. I’m not embarrassed. It’s Chicago politics. You ought to be used to it by now.”
Proceeds from the sales are being referred to as “donations,” which will go toward the Al the Jeweler’s retirement fund, Pettet said.
“One caller said, ‘Will you limit it to 100 pieces?’” said Pettet, describing the callers’ reference to the U.S. Senate’s 100 seats. “I said, ‘No, this is Illinois politics. We can oversell.’”
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Why Me?
Oil Drops to below $39 a barrel.
Temperature drops to below zero.
Not funny, universe. Quit picking on me.
Auto Use Vs. Auto Abuse
Auto Use 
(Which should not be illegal when done safely in appropriate conditions, let alone called 'criminal' speeding, punishable by up to three months imprisonment. Criminal speeding could be fleeing a bank you just robbed, not 'hey, it's gorgeous out and I've got a V8.' Intent people. Intent.)
Dillon, 44, who got a 2006 Oscar nomination for the movie Crash, was driving at 171 km/h in a maximum 105 km/h zone, Vermont police Sergeant Tara Thomas told AFP. If found guilty he faces up to three months imprisonment, or a fine of up to 300 dollars, or both, she said. Thomas described the star, also well known for his role in There's something about Mary, as "as extremely cooperative, very polite."
Auto Abuse (sad)
Charles Barkley was arrested early Wednesday in Arizona on charges of driving while impaired. I like him, I was disappointed to hear this. Hope he gets back on track.
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