I Don't Think So!

Foiling Pteranodon Takeoffs Since the Cretaceous!

So the lead story at Yahoo News tonight is the plane crash in the Hudson. What upset me about their little post was their encapsulation of the story as a link to read more.

It read: Birds to blame

Excuse me? Birds? Those cute little fluffy descendants of dinosaurs that have been on earth say, a hundred million years???? While we humans have been polluting up the sky some oh, one hundred? That's one hundred, period. Not one hundred thousand. Not one hundred million. Nope. Using 1903's Kitty Hawk launch, I'd say we were the brash newcomer here, wouldn't you? Not like we've each developed the ability to 'see' the earth's magnetic fields or anything, eh?

Anyhoo, nice to know no one was killed. Well, except for those birds! In the waning days of the Bush administration, I'm sure this incident will be blamed on Hummingbird Hamas or Al-Queda Kites or something... see the NY Times Daily Intel to prove I'm not alone on this airstream.

But my outrage goes on: while researching the whole bird evolution question, I typed in "When did birds appear on Earth" into Google.

Oh, WikiAnswers, that looks good, I thought.

Not so much. Nothing like being fundamentally right.

What to do? Well, frankly this group scares me: Bird Strike Committee USA

They certainly dramatize the 218 people killed by birds striking aircraft, but catch this little line:

About 90% of all bird strikes in the U.S. are by species federally protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

look closer, and see that it was preceded by:

The nesting population of bald eagles in the contiguous USA increased from fewer than 400 pairs in 1970 (2 years before DDT and similar chlorinated-hydrocarbon insecticides were banned) to over 11,000 pairs in 2007. Over 100 bald eagle strikes with civil aircraft have been reported in USA, 1990-2007. Mean body mass of bald eagles = 9.1 lbs (male); 11.8 lbs (female).

Ah-Ha!! Just remove federal protection from Bald Eagles and California Condors and voila! Problem solved. We can shoot them within a five hundred mile radius of any airport. Call Sara Palin! There's some huntin' licences to be issued!

Why the Chicago Tribune is in Bankruptcy

Received the following e-mail from my paper:

Come join us for this monumental event! The Subscriber Advantage team will be dressed in orange Subscriber Advantage gear, stationed next to the inflatable Chicago Tribune balloon giving out TribCODE cards that are worth 150 TribPOINTS! Come show your support and be apart of history. See details below.

Sincerely, Subscriber Advantage

Gosh, think Sam Zell got rid of, oh, say 2000 too many editors?????????? Whatever you do, don't let history catch you!!!

Whew!

I've been wearing the $21 made-in-China down & feather jacket all week and have yet to contract avian flu. We are already in the top ten of both coldest and snowiest winter seasons ever recorded in the Chicago area. Wheee!!!

I have done nothing but eat carbohydrates. I wanted to exercise, but I can't get to the health club, the roads are so bad. Really can't take another three months of this.

When I was a kid, every September I would read my complete boxed set of Laura Ingalls Wilder novels. Although These Happy Golden Years was my favorite, The Long Winter made the most impact. Even then, I was extremely concerned about being trapped somewhere cold with no food. And would you have told Paleface anything if you were that Indian? Heck, no. Let 'em eat each other. I'd have been snug and warm visiting my distant cousins the Seminoles for the winter.

i'd Sell the iStock

Am iMissing something here? Why doesn't he just snap in a new iPancreas?

SEATTLE – Apple Inc. co-founder and Chief Executive Steve Jobs said Wednesday he is taking a medical leave until the end of June — just a week after the cancer survivor tried to assure investors and employees his recent weight loss was caused by an easily treatable hormone deficiency.
Apple's stock plunged 6 percent.
Jobs, 53, said in a letter last week that he would remain at Apple's helm despite the hormone problem, and that he had already begun a "relatively simple and straightforward" treatment. But in an e-mail to employees Wednesday, Jobs backtracked.
"During the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought," he wrote.
Apple's shares have surged and crashed over the last year in step with rumors or news about the CEO's health and his gaunt appearance. While the top executive's health is an issue for investors in any company, at Apple the level of concern reaches fever pitch because Jobs has a hand in everything from ideas for new products to the way they're marketed. Investors fear that without Jobs, Apple will not be able to sustain its growth of the last decade, which has seen Apple branch out from its Mac computers into the iPod and the iPhone.

Free Fits Me to a Tea

Went shopping today and didn't find what I was looking for, namely a long down jacket in any color but black. Tried on quite a few at Bergner's and Macy's. One nice cream colored one was marked down - and it was down filled - but not down enough! I couldn't see $180 for something that would me dirty by the time I got out to the car. Me and light colors don't exactly get along, but it was by far the nicest-looking of all I have tried. A few silver ones were maybes, but not quite. There was a white one that was cute, but who wants to look like the Michelin Man?

I did however find a short black jacket sans hood with down and feather content that was on sale for an astounding $21! Sold! Still need a long one for dress/work, but this is a nice jacket with jeans, etc. I now need to get rid of a few jackets to make way for this new one.

Went to Ulta 3 where I usually do quite well with coupons. I had their $3.50 off store coupon and a few other coupons in their little flyer for razor blades and apricot scrub. They had buy one, get one free on Loreal and BOGO 50% off on Cover Girl. I had coupons for both the Loreal Products but the girl wouldn't take one! She said I couldn't use it on the 'free' item! What's with that? It gets turned in to the manufacture from the store. They just verify it's an item the store sells. Do they have to prove they charged something for the item? It just upset me. I ended up spending way too much in there. Now I'm not happy. Think I'll stay away from them - or at least only redeem their free 'points' item - they didn't make me buy anything to do that last time.

Thank goodness I 'redeemed' myself over at Starbucks... I had this coupon for a free Teatime. Tea is their new drink special and they were featuring Full-Leaf Tazo Tea Lattes and Tazo Tea Infusions. I also had a card for $2 tea after 2 p.m. , so I figured I could buy one at $2 and get one free for Al. The girl took my order for a Berry Infusion and London Fog (Vanilla, Earl Grey and steamed milk). She then announced 'it came up free' and I didn't owe her anything!!! Wheeee!! Nothing warms like free!

I highly recommend either drink - the London Fog tasted like warm milk before bed, and the Infusion was very berry. Also comes in apple, must taste like cider.

I've had too many sweet drinks today, but this record snowfall season really has me depressed. Here's my new favorite drink. I had it in a restaurant that called it a Cherry Turtle. Based on the name alone, I wanted one! How cherry figures in this, I haven't a clue, but if you stop by my house this winter, I'll be glad to make you one.

Hot Chocolate

Amaretto

Bailey's Carmel Cream

Whip Cream/cinnamon topping

Chemical Warfare

As you are well aware, artificial claims can boost your stock price in some very concrete ways...

From the Chicago Tribune:

Chicago-based Merisant Worldwide Inc., maker of the artificial sweetener Equal, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Friday, hobbled by the global credit crisis and sliding sales.

(blame the no-so-sweet-economy...)

In 2008, Splenda grabbed 60 percent of the market, and Equal had only 11 percent, third after Sweet & Low. (That's not Equal at all!)

The upshot: Merisant's revenues sank 18 percent from 2003 through 2007, when they totaled $290 million. For 2008's first nine months, sales were off another 6 percent from a year earlier.

(causing cancer is a competitive business)

Merisant is betting on future growth through PureVia, a zero-calorie natural sweetener derived from the leaves of the stevia shrub. Tabletop sweeteners under the PureVia brand are rolling out in stores nationwide. (I have a coupon and will try it! My theory is changing cancer causing chemicals every so often helps delay the buildup of any one type...)

Nyah, Nyah

Hey, Burris, I've got Jesse White's signature right here...

On my driver's licence! Hope you plan on getting a ride to the capitol building, dude.

Do You Do This?

Still Dry!

Leave the manicurist's with wet nails and caaaaarefullllly open your car door; slooooowly put on seat belt so as not to smudge polish; start car and blast heat from top vents pointed at steering wheel so you can dry your nails as you drive? (Or, in summer air conditioning?)

Add five points if you drive a stick-shift, as I do.

Subtract ten points if you are male.

I Knew it!!

From the New York Times:

The five-month slide in gasoline prices has come to an abrupt halt, with gasoline rising by several cents in recent days amid indicators that the national average could jump to $2 a gallon or higher this spring.

The Year-End Figures are in...

I don't know about you, but the only thing showed a net gain in 2008

was my annual holiday weight gain.

Pink Iguanas

No, it's not a fruity tropical drink, it's a newly-discovered subspecies of land iguana found on the Galapagos! Darwin must have missed it. I need to book my flight now! I'd love to see these in the wild. Seem friendly. (famous last words of tourists consumed by local fauna)

F for effort

Guess I've found another item to add to the list of "things I am better off not knowing"...

This one is right up there with "stuff my government won't tell me" and "ingredients in peperoni". I was minding my own business trying to jab, jab, uppercut, roundhouse kick in my aerobics class tonight when I saw that nice little dishwater blond girl from the front desk enter the gym. She's not a bundle of charisma or anything, but she does indulge my request for locker number zero, so she's OK in my book.

She strolls over to the drinking fountain at the far end of the basketball court and sprays what I assume to be disinfectant on the stainless steel bowl. Then she swipes a gym towel over it, moves to the other fountain, does the same, and walks away. That's it. Didn't clean the spout. Didn't clean the push bar. Didn't use different towels or leave the disinfectant on sixty seconds. Nothing. Gee, I wonder why I wake up in the middle of the night from flesh-eating bacteria nightmares?

The germaphobe in me is screaming so loud at this point I can't hear the instructor or the blaring hip-hop. Is it rude to rush across a crowded court and give a detailed lesson on the proper way to clean? Do I have to do EVERYONE'S job, from the President down to the idiot behind the counter at the DMV in order to get anything done right? Must I bring my own bottle of bleach EVERYWHERE???

Read about a young man after my own heart here

"..His results shocked everyone. The fountain water was swimming with bacteria while the bathroom toilet water was significantly cleaner.

The cleanest fountain was located in the fifth- and sixth-grade hallway, while the dirtiest was just outside the gym, Katherman said. But even the cleanest fountain wasn't as clean as the toilet.

"The toilet water is usually cleaner with regard to bacteria because toilets get continuously flushed, whereas a water fountain is left open to the environment," said Dr. Phillip Tierno of New York University Medical Center. "You know that toilets are occasionally washed, but I've never seen a water fountain sanitized at all."

The No-SX

Now I am the first to cry foul when the words "Japanese" and "Supercar" are uttered in the same breath, but I also must confess to loving my Acura like no other car since that adorable little X-19 came into my life. So I admit to feeling a little hurt when I read Honda has officially killed off any plans to produce the NSX Acura V10 monster rumored to be in the later stages of development.

I can't profess to being a fan of the whole NSX idea, as my RSX S-Type was discontinued so they could pursue this silly dream of a $100K race car. Why drop your only cheap, sporty, two door coupe? If you can't make those sales figures, why bother with the supercar? Oh, wait, I'm not an automobile executive making millions, so my ideas must be crappy. Although, I understand that Takeo Fukui, Honda's 61-year-old president runs the company from a desk in the center of the 10th floor HQ's and Executives at Honda don't have offices and 36 board members share $13 million in salary and bonus, which is just about enough for one boss at a big American company. They also are taking 10% pay cuts this year, things are so bad.

Bottom Line: Where's that Corvette Coupon? I've been checking my mailbox GM. Don't disappoint your shareholders.

Other item to ponder: What will happen to those basically-finished prototypes??

Nostrabogus

Look! The polar ice caps are melting and the seas are rising!

Engaged in my favorite Sunday activity of fusing my spine to the couch during a day-long History Channel fest today. At the end, I came away wondering who won World War II.

Why? Because they did the stupidest special called Nostradamus 2012 that came across as documentary declaring him a prophet who foretold global warming and predicting a global cataclysm for 2012. If that passes as History Channel fodder, I'm concerned Hitler wasn't defeated.

Sorry, but I don't buy the whole mighty prophet thing. I think he was a political satirist. (However, I will buy lunch for anyone who can start a lasting rumor that this blog predicts the future or holds secret Freemason imagery. Bonus points for claiming it cures macular degeneration and insomnia.) Their 'experts' who claimed he predicted global warming were beyond laughable. I recall years ago when the big hysteria was he predicted Hitler, JFK's assassination, and the rise of the Antichrist. Whatever.

Human beings are hardwired to find patterns. Even I have to be on guard to not attribute too much to coincidence, lest I become superstitious or over confident of random outcomes.

The best part of the show was how they explained the significance of the date December 21, 2012* (I kept hoping they would interview Geddy Lee, but no luck.) It was theorized that the Mayan culture had identified a 26,000 year-cycle when the sun would appear to rise in the middle of the Milky Way and mark a time of great chaos and conflict. This one approaching would be Leo. The last one was Aquarius. Al and I shot meaningful smirks across the room to one another. Yep. He's Leo. I'm Aquarius. Look out, universe. By the way, 2009 will be the Chinese Year of the Ox, and that's Al. Always liked their zodiac better. One thing from China I admire! What do you know. Perhaps the planet will explode soon.

Anyhoo, I don't even agree with that appraisal - some say the Mayans just meant that Y26K was a time of great celebration. And like a more recent Y2K event, any doomsday hype is seriously overrated.

USA Today on the sudden glut of 12/21/12 doom and gloom books:

But scholars are bristling at attempts to link the ancient Maya with trends in contemporary spirituality. Maya civilization, known for advanced writing, mathematics and astronomy, flourished for centuries in Mesoamerica, especially between A.D. 300 and 900. Its Long Count calendar, which was discontinued under Spanish colonization, tracks more than 5,000 years, then resets at year zero.


"For the ancient Maya, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle," says Sandra Noble, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mesoamerican Studies in Crystal River, Fla. To render Dec. 21, 2012, as a doomsday or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is "a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in."
Part of the 2012 mystique stems from the stars. On the winter solstice in 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years. This means that "whatever energy typically streams to Earth from the center of the Milky Way will indeed be disrupted on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. Universal Time," Joseph writes.


But scholars doubt the ancient Maya extrapolated great meaning from anticipating the alignment — if they were even aware of what the configuration would be.
Astronomers generally agree that "it would be impossible the Maya themselves would have known that," says Susan Milbrath, a Maya archaeoastronomer and a curator at the Florida Museum of Natural History. What's more, she says, "we have no record or knowledge that they would think the world would come to an end at that point."


University of Florida anthropologist Susan Gillespie says the 2012 phenomenon comes "from media and from other people making use of the Maya past to fulfill agendas that are really their own."

I think Al summed it up best when he noted: Perhaps the Mayan calendar stopped at 2012 because they were invaded before they could record any further dates...

The other History Channel specials I watched were on the Seven Deadly Sins. How appropriate. Right before I start my diet tomorrow...

These episodes were more enjoyable and informative. They explained who first listed eight transgressions or temptations and how Pope Gregory combined them down to a holy seven figure and declared them Sins. Gotta love those Popes. They're Infallible. Even before they knew they were.

There were lots of good tidbits and examples (I am waiting for Donald Trump's lawsuit for showing film clips of him whenever Pride or Vainglory were mentioned) of how religion and society interpreted each of the sins, etc. Now I did not see all segments, just Greed, Anger and Pride.

I particularly enjoyed it when Al came in and grabbed the remote in that "oblivious to all other's feelings" way only a man who has just bought a 52" TV can, and started seeing what else might be on. "I'm watching a show about ANGER," I growled through gritted teeth. "I don't suggest you change it." He wisely let me continue my sin-fest.

How did this famous list miss the biggest sin of all? Hypocrisy. Oh, wait, the makers of the list were huge hypocrites, that's how. My bad.

No, really, did anyone see this series? Did they fold that one in somehow? Do you agree my point? Are not hypocrites the worst of all? I don't recall it mentioned in the Greed segment, but it seems it may fit there, as a means of personal gain; an I can, you can't type of psychology. Dante threw them in the eighth circle, so I know they're important and fit in there somehow. Along with people who see prophesies in the past-tense only and seem unable to come up with a valid future prediction from either their own or someone else's writings.





Well, it's pretty late, so good night, and until next time... I predict higher gas prices!!






*Hurry! Only some 1460 more shopping days to the Apocalypse!

I've Been Robbed!!

( As the shoes are from Miami, legally none of them can be worn with socks...)

No more loafering around, they're pumped

MIAMI – State troopers are looking for a charity to take thousands of shoes that were dumped on a Miami expressway, tying up rush hour traffic. Lt. Pat Santangelo says the Florida Highway Patrol received a call about the shoes Friday morning.
Santangelo says he's not sure where the shoes came from. There were no signs of a crash and no one stopped to claim them. He says he hopes someone will take them because he doesn't want to send them to the dump.
Workers using a front-end loader and a dump truck were able to quickly clear at least one lane by sweeping all the shoes to shoulder, but delays were expected until they could all be removed.



Bet that "Tied-Up" traffic a bit... What sole-less monster would do this?

Why I Love America

At least we can laugh at ourselves:

Brad Pettet, owner of Pettet Jewelry Designs in Peoria, is selling three-quarter-inch tall charms for necklaces and bracelets shaped as a U.S. Senate seat.“The whole point of this is to have a little bit of fun,” Pettet said Tuesday. “People say they are embarrassed to be from Illinois. I’m not embarrassed. It’s Chicago politics. You ought to be used to it by now.”

Proceeds from the sales are being referred to as “donations,” which will go toward the Al the Jeweler’s retirement fund, Pettet said.

“One caller said, ‘Will you limit it to 100 pieces?’” said Pettet, describing the callers’ reference to the U.S. Senate’s 100 seats. “I said, ‘No, this is Illinois politics. We can oversell.’”

So True

Check out Jalopnik's Ten Cars and the Type of Women they Attract

Why Me?

Oil Drops to below $39 a barrel.

Temperature drops to below zero.

Not funny, universe. Quit picking on me.

Auto Use Vs. Auto Abuse

Auto Use

(Which should not be illegal when done safely in appropriate conditions, let alone called 'criminal' speeding, punishable by up to three months imprisonment. Criminal speeding could be fleeing a bank you just robbed, not 'hey, it's gorgeous out and I've got a V8.' Intent people. Intent.)

Dillon, 44, who got a 2006 Oscar nomination for the movie Crash, was driving at 171 km/h in a maximum 105 km/h zone, Vermont police Sergeant Tara Thomas told AFP. If found guilty he faces up to three months imprisonment, or a fine of up to 300 dollars, or both, she said. Thomas described the star, also well known for his role in There's something about Mary, as "as extremely cooperative, very polite."

Auto Abuse (sad)

Charles Barkley was arrested early Wednesday in Arizona on charges of driving while impaired. I like him, I was disappointed to hear this. Hope he gets back on track.

Amnesty InterLibrary

A local library had the following sign outside this morning: “Food for Fines” (I should send this to the folks at Unshelved)

I couldn’t help but envision the following scenario:

Harried Dad: Uh, I’d like to bring this book back. My wife was cleaning under our daughter’s bed and found it.

Librarian: It was due a month ago.

Dad: Yes, I’ve brought this can of corn and box of spaghetti…

Librarian: It’s a Newbery winner! Other patrons were not able to access it during that time, and I’m sure you agree it is of vital importance to share our resources as fairly as possible.

Dad: Of course, we’re very sorry…

Librarian: Did your daughter even read the book?

Dad: Um, I dunno…

Librarian: Here you go. One can of asparagus and a jar of pickled beets.

Dad: What? You’re giving me food?

Librarian. I’m sure your daughter will think again before tossing a book on the floor to be covered by laundry and cat hair.

Dad: I’m supposed to serve this to her?

Librarian: Don’t make me get the Spam…

Retro or Obsolete?

Well!

Seems the Lake Superior State University's annual List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness includes a little dig at yours truly.

Do click on that link above to enjoy the whole article, but I would like to draw you attention to the final line:

Think these gendarmes of jargon should "get a life"? Watch it, kiddo. That phrase was banished in 1997.

Sorry, but over on this little synapse of the web the phrase is alive and well.

Free Strikes and You're Out

Me: It's Free again!

DDV : What?

Me: I have a coupon for a small Mocha - no purchase necessary!

DDV: Whole or Lo Fat?

Me: Lo Fat.

DDV: Will there be anything else?

Me: Nope.

DDV: Please drive up.

Me: MMMMM.... FREE!

Let FREE-dom Ring

Or, "Will Lose Sleep for Free"

So at 7:03 Central Time I rolled up to the take-out speaker once again:

Me: It's after seven a.m. and I'd like my FREE coffee. What are my choices, please?

Disembodied, Disenchanted Voice: Um. Hang onna minnit.

Me: No problem.

DDV: Today is Vanilla Latte.

Me: Fine.

DDV: Regular or Skim?

Me: Regular. (more calories must cost more, right? Diet begins Jan. 4. Till then, who cares?)

DDV: Anything else?

Me: Oh, a sausage egg biscuit.

DDV: That'll be $2.42. Please pull up.

Now I know we suffer from tremendous portion distortion in this country, but there is no way the tiny shot glass I was handed could be a 'small'. It was a special 'sample size', filled with an eyedropper. I should have asked for a second free one for my imaginary baby in the car seat for goodness' sake. It was certainly infant-sized. The biscuit was really greasy, too.

Anyhoo... went to work and afterwards went $hopping to save the economy. Had a $5 off coupon at Famous Footwear and saw a nice pair of grey boots marked down to $30. Couldn't decide, so I went to Barnes and Nobel next door to spend my gift card on a Jen Lancaster book and a calendar for a friend.

Then I spent about two hours in TJ Maxx. They are really hit-or-miss, but I took my time as I hadn't been in there for a few months and wanted to see what was new. They have great jewelry but didn't see anything I liked. The cases were well-stocked, so I wonder if they didn't do so well for Christmas. I expected them to be half-empty or 'picked over' but that didn't seem to be the case.

Spent some time fondling the cheap Cashmere (you may recall I do this every year, and the employees just sigh when I come in because I unfold everything and rarely make a purchase). Saw a nice purple argyle, but it was just a vest, and no size small. There was a leopard-print V-Neck that I contemplated for $39 but ultimately decided I could live without. One cute red cardigan said 'large' but looked so tiny I wondered if it was a children's size of some sort. Didn't try it on, but it was cute.

Shoe department had a few maybes but ultimately I decided I didn't NEED the olive wedges for only $15, but I may be back. Wanted tights for my new brown sweater dress but apparently size small does not exist in brown. They had some nice Spanx ones too, but again, size was an issue. Is $20 good for Spanx tights? They also had knee high trouser socks. In Spanx? Not sure why, but they had them. Not one nice beige sock, though. Can't find what I'm seeking in a sock anywhere. Camel must not be an 'in' color this year. Didn't like anything at Target, Kohl's or Wal-Mart either, so the sock quest continues.

Did better in purses. I specifically wanted a silver metallic purse with a shoulder strap, on the bigger side. Found a nice one in genuine leather for $30 and decided to go for it. Checked out and felt that the grey boots WOULD look nice with them, so it was back across town to FF.

I grabbed the Connie "Too Stable for Me" boots and headed for the checkout. A big sign announcing Buy One, Get One Half Off greeted me. Oh. Well, back to the racks.

Found the coolest Avia 330 walking shoes for only $20!! They look like a running shoe and a hiking boot mated. Nice tan and Merlot color scheme, too.

So - the boots were $30, the shoes $20, then I got $10 off for the sale, had the $5 off coupon... and walked out with both for $37.70 after tax. Whew! Saving the U.S. economy is hard work.

By this time I'm starving and - you guessed it - only had a McDonald's coupon - so I ate there AGAIN (somebody please, send me a coupon for an angiogram, quick!) and got a free Hazlenut latte, which explains why I'm still up typing.

I'll have to post a picture of the boots another time, I couldn't find it online anywhere so I'll have to take one and import it.

Bottom Line: Shoe Love is True Love . And to all a good night!

Cloning: a Game for the Whole (Replicated) Family!

Christmas can invoke fond remembrances of favorite toys from childhood, but there was one that had fallen off my radar screen completely until I read this article about Chinese Hamster ovaries.

"I am not a patient person, and being a new faculty member at a brand new university, I did not immediately have the cleanroom facilities I am accustomed to," says Khine, "And desperation is the mother of invention (or something like that). So as I was brainstorming solutions, I remembered my favorite childhood toy and decided to try it in my kitchen one night."
Khine and her team designed complicated patterns in Auto CAD, printed them onto Shrinky Dinks, and then heated the plastic toys in an inexpensive oven. As the sheets became smaller, the lines of print would bulge out. Taller and more pronounced, the miniaturized pattern served as a perfect mould for forming rounded, narrow channels in PDMS -- a clear, synthetic rubber.
In addition to making some simpler devices, Khine and her team emblazoned a Christmas tree design into a piece of PDMS and showed how it can blend different types of food coloring to make a rainbow pattern. Since microfluidic devices are sometimes used for biological research, the young professor also showed that Chinese Hamster Ovary cells can flow through through the narrow channels.

Yep. Shrinky-Dinks saving the world. Who knew? I just loved these totally useless bits of plastic. Oh, sure, you were supposed to make little jewelry and ornaments and stuff; but I just ended up with, well, stuff. Teeny tiny stuff. Lots and lots of teeny tiny stuff. Why was this so fascinating? I don't really know. Lord knows I never wanted to use an oven for anything edible. But shrunken little horse pictures? You bet.

Once again I am left to lament the fact I was born too soon - had I access to the Internet in Junior High, my life would have had a very different outcome (I'd be in an off-shore federal prison long ago). But to think that I could have achieved world domination with a shrinky dink kit and and easy-bake oven? Sad, just sad, to contemplate that lost potential.

Amateurs are trying genetic engineering at home
By MARCUS WOHLSEN, Associated Press Writer Marcus Wohlsen, Associated Press Writer Thu Dec 25, 6:49 pm ET


SAN FRANCISCO – The Apple computer was invented in a garage. Same with the Google search engine. Now, tinkerers are working at home with the basic building blocks of life itself.

Using homemade lab equipment and the wealth of scientific knowledge available online, these hobbyists are trying to create new life forms through genetic engineering — a field long dominated by Ph.D.s toiling in university and corporate laboratories. Like the UniBomber?

In her San Francisco dining room lab, for example, 31-year-old computer programmer Meredith L. Patterson is trying to develop genetically altered yogurt bacteria that will glow green to signal the presence of melamine, the chemical that turned Chinese-made baby formula and pet food deadly.

"People can really work on projects for the good of humanity while learning about something they want to learn about in the process," she said.

So far, no major gene-splicing discoveries have come out anybody's kitchen or garage. (That we know of...)

But critics of the movement worry that these amateurs could one day unleash an environmental or medical disaster. Paging Michael Crichton, paging...

Defenders say the future Bill Gates of biotech could be developing a cure for cancer in the garage.

Many of these amateurs may have studied biology in college but have no advanced degrees and are not earning a living in the biotechnology field. Go on...

Some proudly call themselves "biohackers" — innovators who push technological boundaries and put the spread of knowledge before profits.

In Cambridge, Mass., a group called DIYbio is setting up a community lab where the public could use chemicals and lab equipment, including a used freezer, scored for free off Craigslist, that drops to 80 degrees below zero, the temperature needed to keep many kinds of bacteria alive.

Co-founder Mackenzie Cowell, a 24-year-old who majored in biology in college, said amateurs will probably pursue serious work such as new vaccines and super-efficient biofuels, but they might also try, for example, to use squid genes to create tattoos that glow.

Cowell said such unfettered creativity could produce important discoveries.
"We should try to make science more sexy and more fun and more like a game," he said.

Patterson, the computer programmer, wants to insert the gene for fluorescence into yogurt bacteria, applying techniques developed in the 1970s.

She learned about genetic engineering by reading scientific papers and getting tips from online forums. She ordered jellyfish DNA for a green fluorescent protein from a biological supply company for less than $100. And she built her own lab equipment, including a gel electrophoresis chamber, or DNA analyzer, which she constructed for less than $25, versus more than $200 for a low-end off-the-shelf model. I love entrepreneurship

Jim Thomas of ETC Group, a biotechnology watchdog organization, warned that synthetic organisms in the hands of amateurs could escape and cause outbreaks of incurable diseases or unpredictable environmental damage. Like the idiot that introduced rabbits or cane toads to Australia? Oh, wait, here's one: let's cross European honeybees with African bees... yeah, there's a great idea, and they didn't even need a microscope slide.

"Once you move to people working in their garage or other informal location, there's no safety process in place," he said. Like the ones our government has? Homer Simpson running the nuclear plant isn't far afield

Some also fear that terrorists might attempt do-it-yourself genetic engineering. But Patterson said: "A terrorist doesn't need to go to the DIYbio community. They can just enroll in their local community college." Or flight school

How Do I Love Free?

Let me count the ways...

I had to switch gas stations (again) recently as that sweet deal of 'pay cash and we'll give you ten cents off per gallon' suddenly evaporated faster than the gas fumes off my mittens over at the Citgo station I had just discovered. Seems they changed hands and were offering a special for cash-payers who were willing to walk through icy puddles into their creepy little vestibule and hand over the green stuff (read: Bargain Hunters Like Myself) but suddenly their per-gallon price jumped exponentially on the high octane my baby thrives on, so I had to move on.

Went to a grocery-store outpost and was frustrated by their pay-at-the-pump malfunction. Since I was inside anyway, might as well get some coffee. I was pleasantly surprised to find they refused my dollar, saying it was FREE with fill up! MMMMMM!!! Nothing tastes as good as free! Much like deep-frying or dipping in chocolate or cheese, there aren't many items that can't be improved by "free".

Had a bad experience with FREE just the other day, however. Went to McDonalds to get my Monday FREE small morning coffee, and told the kid behind the takeout speaker as much. Sorry, that doesn't start until seven a.m., I was told. What? Limits on FREE? Is nothing sacred? Just because I'm an early bird, I don't qualify? Roaming bands of old folks looking for senior discounts come by a moment ago, or what? Blinking in disbelief at my car clock that read 6:39 I roared off in a huff. Gave plenty of my hard-earned cash to Dunkin Donuts instead. They are famous for taking my coupon, and then handing it right back to me, and other little niceties.

Watch out, Ronald. Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm not leaving with out my FREE, even if I have to circle the block for twenty minutes. You will not win, large evil corporation. I have coupons, and I'm not afraid to use them.

Wish I'd Said That!

Ford Motors is working on a brand new car called the Fusion. It's a hybrid and runs on a combination of gas and bailout money." --David Letterman

Too Much Sax and Violins for Children

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Christmas May Be Over...

But my birthday isn't far behind!

Here's an awesome gift idea...

From the Chicago Tribune:

Looking to honor a loved one by naming a new species of mammal after them this holiday season? Starting Monday, Purdue University researchers will be auctioning off the naming rights to seven recently discovered types of bats hailing from Mexico, South America, Central America and Africa. And if the bats seem too "last Christmas," there's also a pair of yet-to-be-named Amazonian turtles up for grabs.

Cheloniidae Getalifum, anyone?

Worth the Wait

Spent a butt-numbing four hours on the couch yesterday watching Ben Hur on our new 52" TV! (Note to Consumers: High Definition does nothing to improve the quality of bad acting, cliched script, crappy accents, or really awful make-up jobs designed to impart 'ethnicity' to mis-cast actors.)

Now of course the whole reason I watched this entire (commercial-free, thank God! Just an intermission) epic was to catch the eight-minute chariot race scene, and all these years later it did not disappoint. I recall loving it as a youngster, but back then I rooted for the black horses. Never did like white ones. This time, I was able to appreciate the beauty of the white Arabian team and the incredible training that must have taken place behind the scenes.

I also liked how the movie depicted Ben as thanking each horse for his efforts right after the race. Also fun were the galley slave scenes and Roman parade shots. Love those uniforms!

As an incredibly unexpected treat, after the movie they showed a publicity clip of some sort made at the time to show how the horses were trained. It was in black and white, and very much a phony propaganda short.

It opened with these two 'moguls' walking the countryside (Italian?) looking for horses to star in the film. They looked like Mafia don extras, complete with loud suits, fedoras, dark sunglasses, and huge cigars. A white horse pulling a farm cart approaches and these two talent scouts stop the driver to give the work horse the once-over. One glance can tell this horse has never done a day's work in it's pampered life and this scene is pure fantasy. This show Arabian is waved over to the studio lot where he is shod and brushed. I guess it was supposed to be the equivalent of being discovered Schwabb's drugstore and having your teeth straightened or something.

The clip turned a little more documentary-esqe at that point; they showed trainers lunging horses, teaching tricks, and ultimately hitching them in groups of four. They taught them to rear on command, both in harness and out. Some could also kneel and do other little routines on cue. Then came the main attraction - setting up a jump for an entire team of four to leap over while dragging an empty chariot! I guess I took that shot for fancy camera work, but these horses could really do it in an empty arena and the little cart bumped right along with them. If you get the chance to see this clip, it really is quite fascinating.

After Ben, they did a Humphrey Bogart film festival as it was Bogie's birthday and I was able to watch Casablanca on the big screen. Amazingly, it was in original black and white! Ted must be mellowing in his old age or something, and didn't colorize it just because he could.

Older is Better

Am I the only one who likes the old black Volkswagen Beetle in the commercials better than the new model they are actually intended to promote?

Auto Abuse!!

From Right Celebrity:

Mega-rich Paris Hilton has just bought herself a very pink Bentley car for Christmas! The car is worth an estimated $200,000. The singer-actress-party girl says she got the fully customised car because it fulfils her childhood fantasy of being just like her heroine, Barbie. As in Barbie doll — I. so. kid. you. not.
“I’ve just always wanted a pink car. I think when you’re a little girl and you have the Barbie corvette, you’re always like ‘Oh I wish I had a car like this one day’. So I think it just comes from being a fan of Barbie for so long.”
Hey, I’m a girly, girl myself and love the color pink but this is just waaayyy too much of the pepto-kind. But in fairness to Paris, she also added this:
“This is a car that I cannot drive every single day but I will be driving a lot. They put on protective tint on the windows so no paparazzi flashes can come through.”

Oh, Pul-eeze! My Barbie had a green 70s Vette, but you didn't see me buying one of those, did you?

Were Your Holidays This Lonely?

Knut's current quarters aren't even big enough for the 440-pound predator, let alone the addition of some guy. Officials recently announced that Knut will have to relocate if the zoo can't build a new enclosure for him, which appears virtually impossible due to lack of space.

BERLIN (AP) ―

A man jumped into the Berlin zoo enclosure of famed polar bear Knut on Monday, but officials were able to keep the animal away from the intruder by distracting him with a leg of beef, police said. The 37-year-old man jumped over a fence into a water-filled ditch at the edge of the bear's enclosure Monday morning, police said in a statement.Zoo keepers, who had just let Knut into his outdoor enclosure, were able to lure the bear back into his cage by producing a leg of beef.Police said the man, a German, was less cooperative, initially ignoring instructions to leave the enclosure. He was led away unharmed but, although he was soaked and cold, he refused to undergo a medical checkup.Police said that, before being let go, the man told them that he felt lonely and the bear appeared lonely, too.Knut, now age 2, was hand-raised after his mother rejected him at birth. He rose to stardom early last year as a cute white ball of fluff, but has since grown rapidly into a hulking 440-pound (200-kilogram) predator.

Santa Hits the No-Fly Zone

May Your Holidays Need No Bailout!

I'm Going Green for Christmas!

Saving the environment?

No!

I'm just asking for cash.

Here's a Thought...

No guests? All winter?

Stephen King should tackle a frightfully contemporary subject - the economy!

Something about bankruptcy and foreclosure. I know! His own personal story of how he lost his millions:

"Maybe it was that island I bought. Or perhaps the Lamborghini I gave the paperboy for Christmas... at any rate, Christine was being repossessed* and Cujo was getting far too hungry."

*get it?

Things I am Not Above Trying

From the Chicago Tribune:

10 really bad Christmas songs
—James Oliphant

Ten Holiday Songs Guaranteed to Send Your Family Home Early:

10. "Last Christmas," Wham!"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart," George Michael sadly sings, "and the very next day, you gave it away." This is what the Seinfeld folks call "regifting," although it usually involves something like a label-maker.

9. "Santa Can't Stay," Dwight YoakamThis "Santa" apparently has child-custody issues: "Momma said Santa can't stay," Yoakam sings. "Said she told him that twice yesterday. Then a car just like Dad's pulled out and drove away."

8. "Silver and Gold," Burl IvesThis song from the holiday chestnut "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is nothing less a thinly veiled manifesto by libertarian radical Ives that calls for the U.S. to return to the gold standard.

7. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" Band AidYes, I know. Sacrilege. But tell me you don't flip this arch, guilt-inducing holiday downer off the moment it pops up on the radio, especially if you are on your way to the mall.

6. "Merry Christmas from the Family," Robert Earl KeenTroubadour Keen gives us a trailer-trash ode to the holidays. "Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go," he warbles. "We need some celery and a can of fake snow." Poetry.

5. "The Nutcracker Suite," TchaikovskySee this little number as a young boy, as I did, and it risks putting you off of ballet, fairies, soldiers, sugarplums, mice, and, well, nuts.

4. "Santa Baby," MadonnaRun, Santa, run! Before you know it, she'll have the sleigh and the workshop, and you'll be sleeping at the YMCA.

3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," John Cougar MellencampHave you seen the diminutive Mellencamp's wife, former supermodel Elaine Irwin? Santa is the least of his worries.

2. "The Christmas Song," Alvin and the Chipmunks Nostalgic for the days when America found comedy in simply speeding up the recording of someone's voice? Ah, such innocence.

1. "Little Drummer Boy," Bing Crosby and David BowieIn the video, still available all over the Internet, Crosby invites a wandering Bowie into his "home." In real life, Crosby probably would have called the cops.

Copyright © 2008, Chicago Tribune

Cavys Roasting on an Open Fire...

Before After

Times are Tough When...

LIMA, Peru - Are hard times threatening your Christmas dinner? Well then, Peru has the answer: guinea pig.
Officials in the coastal Peruvian province of Callao on Monday hailed the Andean rodent as a low-cost, low-fat alternative to a traditional turkey or roast pork Christmas dinner.
Guinea pigs can feed seven or eight for about $3.20, Callao official Mario Sanguinity told Associated Press Television.
"The idea is to give the people a tasty, economical option," he said.
The presentation included a live guinea pig dressed as Santa Claus and eight of its comrades laid out fried, broiled and roasted in traditional dishes from different regions of Peru.
Callao resident Silvia Carazas said she plans to make the switch to guinea pig at Christmas.
"The animal is rich in protein and has zero cholesterol as well, very important for those of us looking to watch our weight," she said.
The tiny cuts of white meat are often compared to rabbit and dark chicken. Called "cuy" in Peru, guinea pig is a stable source of income for farmers and holds an elevated place in Andean folklore.

I am so starting a a Guinea Pig farm....

Apocalypse (S)now

Missed work Friday, as the ten inches of snow showed up just as predicted.

Remember when Grandma's rheumatism was the only indication a big storm was on the way? No? OK, me neither. But I DO recall a time when winter wasn't so brutal. When there was a least two months out of the year that were 'poor sleddin'.

I don't just have SAD (Seasonal Affectation Disorder) I have full-blown MAD (Major Attitude Disorder) due to snowfall amounts. Characterized by a fear of driving into a snowdrift and looking fat in puffy coats, MAD can only be cured by uncharacteristically mild temperatures and an extended convertible season.

Why Suicides Go Up at Christmas

From the Must Suck to Be You File:

Beautiful Jennifer Anison made eight million dollars spending her time with Owen Wilson and a bunch of golden Labs. Meanwhile, I slave away in Blog-scuirty.

Yes, Virginia!

There is a Recession!

Now go get your Mommy to buy you something in the toy aisle. All I want for Christmas is a better economy!

Sure She Was

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Snowmageddon!!

Gee, wonder why you haven't heard from me in weeks? Gosh, could it be like the worst fall EVER? (It's not even the first day of winter and we've broken all kinds of snow and ice records for December). Remember when you were a kid and you wished for a white Christmas? Well, I'm wishing to never see snow again, but that's not gonna happen, now is it Al Gore??

Tonight the weatherman pointed right at my house on his little map and said "up to ten inches of snow in the northern viewing area by this time Friday..."

I kept waiting for him to add, "But what do I care? I live in this nice warm box in your living room and won't be on the expressway for four hours like the rest of you idiots"

It's Not Easy Being Too Green

So I decide to ramp up my planet-saving efforts to the next level by using cloth bags when shopping.

Now I have piles of newspapers and empty jars lying about that were previously sorted in to plastic baggies for easy transport to the recycling center.

There's just no winning.

Post 1000

Whoo Hoo! This is Post #999

Just thought you'd like to know.

You may now move on to Post 1000.

Triple-Bolting the Barn Door Shut After the Horse(less Carriage) has Left

Lesson for Big Three automakers:

Old way of doing business just won't fly
By JEFF KAROUB and TOM KRISHER AP Business Writers

DETROIT (AP)

If the Detroit Three automakers have learned anything since their last trip to Washington, it's that the old way of doing business just won't fly. So the decision by auto executives to travel in hybrid cars rather than corporate jets is just the start to overhauling their image as the industry pleads its case for $25 billion in federal loans. See: Too Little, Too Late Award

Ford CEO Alan Mulally left for the capital Tuesday afternoon in a small Ford Escape sport utility vehicle, which runs on gas and electricity. Rick Wagoner of GM departs Wednesday in a hybrid Chevrolet Malibu. Chrysler LLC said its chief executive, Robert Nardelli, would leave Tuesday night, driving a hybrid Dodge Durango or Chrysler Aspen SUV. Excuse Me? What is the point of being the CEO of Ford if not getting to drive the coolest Shelby Cobra Mustang ever? Or GM-Corvette ZR1?? Chrysler? Well, they're done for.

The move to travel more like regular Americans comes after the CEOs' last visit for hearings in November turned into a public relations disaster. Lawmakers learned that all three had flown in separate corporate jets to ask for the bailout dollars, and critics harangued the CEOs.Democratic Rep. Gary Ackerman of New York, a member of the House Financial Services Committee, said last month that it was "a delicious irony" to see the executives arrive on private jets "with tin cups in their hands." In response, the automakers said top executives needed to fly on corporate planes for security reasons. Like I said, perhaps if they weren't so hated, they wouldn't need security...

In an effort to curb bad publicity, Ford Motor Corp. and General Motors Corp. said their CEOs would take the wheel for at least part of the roughly nine-hour trip. Do any have a valid Driver's Licence?

"Mulally drove part of the way and did business by telephone, but not while behind the wheel, he said.In keeping with the company's new no-frills approach, GM spokesman Greg Martin said Wagoner was expected to make the trip without any extended stops and arrive in Washington on Wednesday night. Wagoner is staying at a "moderately-priced hotel," though Martin would not disclose which one.He's traveling in a three-car caravan and will alternate riding in the Malibu, the Chevrolet Cobalt XFE, the company's highest-mileage vehicle, and a Buick Lucerne sedan, which runs on fuel that's 85 percent ethanol. Whoopee.

Carmageddon is Coming! Carmageddon is Coming!

Gasp! Due to low sales in their number one market- the U.S.- Porsche announced it will cease production!

Volkswagen AG and Porsche said last week that they will temporarily suspend production at their largest plants. Porsche said sales of its trademark 911 sports car in the U.S., its largest market, "can hardly be reliably calculated."

What? That dealership in downtown Dubai not posting record sales? Oh, let me get this straight - the world's economy is depending on my buying a gas-guzzling supercar? I'm liking this scenario more and more by the minute. Hello, Ferrari? Would you like to make a bid for my business??

Supercars! Send your coupons to me c/o this website. May the best rebate win.